15 Shameless Attempts at Self-Promotion
The desire to make a buck off of anything is not a uniquely American trait—it's a human condition.
However, the United States has a compelling case to make as the "Land of Plenty;" no other country is filled with people so shamelessly willing to try, regardless of their status or position.
And the most transparent and brazen form of this phenomenon is self-promotion. As in—the act of making something you are, or something about yourself, into a brand.
Self-promotion is an invention that requires almost no time, effort or thought to create; it's the life blood of things like reality television and Pauly Shore.
So, it's no wonder anyone with a platform for it usually gives it a go; sports are a tried and true platform.
Though many star athletes have cleverly leveraged their name and popularity to successfully transform some turn of phrase or attribute into a money-making enterprise (ahem...Air Jordan), some seem to believe a not-insignificant number of their fans are so blindly devoted or dumb.
Here are 15 shameless attempts at self-promotion.
Bart Scott, Retired NFL
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Shameless Promotion: Can’t Wait™
In January 2011 former NFL linebacker Bart Scott, then with the Jets, gave what can only be described as a spirited interview with ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio after upsetting the hated divisional rival Patriots in the AFC divisional playoffs. He was actually in mid-flight, taunting the stunned crowd in New England, when Paolantonio cleared him for landing.
Scott shouted his way through the minute-long interview, which he started by publicly calling out various ESPN analysts by name who picked the Patriots to win the game—calling the win “poetic justice.” Paolantonio concluded by wishing Scott luck against the Steelers in the AFC Championship, to which he famously replied, “Can’t wait!”
The Jets lost the game, but Scott won an ongoing marketing opportunity! He trademarked the phrase a few months later and it’s still active today.
Anthony Davis, New Orleans Pelicans
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Shameless Promotion: Fear the Brow™, Raise the Brow™
This one may be a little shameless, but if someone is bold enough to intentionally rock a unibrow and let that largely define his public image, he alone deserves to profit from that image. Such is the case with Pelicans budding superstar Anthony Davis, who in 2012 courageously stood up to society’s anti-unibrow bias and decided to become the sports world’s first (and last) loud and proud unibrow.
On his decision to trademark “Fear the Brow” and “Raise the Brow,” Davis told CNBC, “I don’t want anyone to try to grow a unibrow because of me and then try to make money off it. Me and my family decided to trademark it because it’s very unique.” Rightly noting, “everyone’s talking about it.” And two years later, they still are! Although not nearly as much…since it’s just an eyebrow.
Dennis Green, Former NFL Coach
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Shameless Promotion: They are we who thought they were™
In 2006 then Cardinals coach Dennis Green went scorched-Earth crazy in his postgame press conference following an embarrassing primetime loss to the Bears. Arizona managed to pry defeat from the jaws of victory, blowing a double-digit second-half lead in a game in which Chicago’s quarterback committed six turnovers.
Green made it clear he didn’t think much of that Bears team coming into the game, famously shouting, “They are we we thought they were!” before storming off. A year later Green trademarked the phrase, before abandoning it just over two years later.
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Vince Young, Former NFL
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Shameless Promotion: VY™, InVinceAble™
Vince Young sure was something at Texas, right? At least in that one game…probably in more. Unfortunately, as is so often the case with hot quarterback prospects, he didn’t quite live up to the hype after being selected No. 3 overall by the Titans in 2006. After six tumultuous seasons as a pro, Young’s career eventually went off the rails for good—he hasn’t played since 2011. His finances went along for the ride too. In 2014 Young filed for bankruptcy protection, despite making $34 million in the NFL.
That seems like an unspendable amount of money to most of us, but according to a lawsuit Young filed in 2008, it could’ve been a lot more. The suit accused three of Young’s “friends,” of trademarking “VY” and “InVinceAble” one day after defeating USC in the 2006 Rose Bowl without his knowledge, preventing him from cashing in on a number of marketing deals.
Boise State
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Shameless Promotion: Blue Turf™, The Blue™
We may all hate that painfully blue turf blanketing the ground at Broncos Stadium, but we’ll never forget it. The field is so blazingly blue that it permanently sears itself into a television viewer’s brain in an instant—and that Smurf Turf can never be unseen.
Boise State is serious about that stuff too—it's been true blue for almost 20 years now, much to the dismay of its opponents. In 2009 it decided to make things officially official, by trademarking the presentation of intercollegiate sports on a blue surface. Seriously.
Terrell Suggs, Baltimore Ravens
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Shameless Promotion: Ball So Hard University ™
In 2011 Ravens linebacker Terrell Suggs eschewed his alma mater Arizona State during a primetime game against the Steelers, opting instead to declare his allegiance to fictional Ball So Hard University. The silliness garnered plenty of attention online and eventually resulted in a nasty trademark war.
It was a stupid war Suggs ultimately lost because he didn’t attempt to trademark anything until after he saw others making money on it. Maybe BSHU isn't accredited in business?
Bryce Harper, Washington Nationals
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Shameless Promotion: That’s a clown question, bro™
In June 2012 Nationals rookie slugger Bryce Harper, giving the world a preview of the prickly personality we’d come to know well, was asked by a reporter in Toronto if he’d partake in a “celebratory Canadian beer” after besting the Blue Jays. A needlessly irritated Harper shot back, “That’s a clown question, bro.”
After the catchphrase took off, Harper’s people immediately moved to trademark it and cash in. Bet he didn’t even send that Canadian reporter a thank you note.
Rod Smart, Retired NFL
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Shameless Promotion: He Hate Me™, Rod Smart’s He Hate Me™
After going undrafted out of Western Kentucky in 2000, running back Rod Smart signed with the Chargers as a free agent but didn’t make it through training camp. The following spring he made one season of magic with the Las Vegas Outlaw of the ill-fated XFL. Not only did he finish second in the XFL’s first (and last) season in existence, Smart also made a name for himself by wearing a nickname on the back of his jersey. That name was…He Hate Me…which suits him a lot better than Smart in retrospect.
According to this promo from 2001, at the time “He Hate Me” was the most popular nickname and sports. And according to this sketchy Google book, Smart’s “unique nickname helped make him the poster child of the XFL,” which he “parlayed into a short-lived NFL career highlighted by a Super Bowl appearance.” Obviously Smart was…smart…enough to trademark the moniker that was apparently his bread and butter. But sadly, it seems, like the party is over—they’ve been dead since 2007.
Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State
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Shameless Promotion: I’m a man, I’m 40™
Back in 2007 Oklahoma State football coach Mike Gundy delivered one of the most needlessly loud, utterly confusing and otherwise unnecessary rants in sports history. Supposedly coming to the defense of (then) quarterback Bobby Reid, who later said it ruined his life, Gundy unleashed on reporters during a press conference, emphasizing his own age and gender and proudly proclaiming he never reads the paper.
Everyone knows that…but did you know Gundy actually attempted to trademark “I’m a man, I’m 40!” after the meltdown? Apparently someone beat him to it. Either someone who saw it as a business opportunity or just another angry dude excited about being a 40-year-old dude.
Manny Ramirez, Former MLB
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Shameless Promotion: Manny Being Manny™
Talk about taking a negative and attempting to turn it into a positive—at least financially. During the course of his 18-year career in MLB, Manny Ramirez became notorious for his bad behavior. Early on he was often described as “eccentric,” but in 2009 former teammate Jonathan Papelbon said he was a “cancer,” which definitely seems more accurate now.
Ramirez’s disruptive behavior became so common at some point that eventually it was just a case of “Manny Being Manny.” The description was anything but a compliment, essentially making his first name doubly synonymous with everything we tend to hate in athletes—selfishness, entitlement, laziness, etc. That didn’t stop Ramirez from trademarking the phrase in 2005, before abandoning it a year later.
New England Patriots
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Shameless Promotion: 19-0™, 19-0 The Perfect Season
The Patriots were an impressive 16-0 in the 2007 NFL regular season. They didn’t accidentally stumble into that record either—at least 11 of those wins were blowouts. Which, in addition to their championships in 2001, 2003 and 2004, made them the prohibitive favorites against the 10-6 Giants in Super Bowl XLII. But ya know…the G-Men showed up, so they decided to play the game anyway…just in case…and they shocked the world by winning.
Apparently someone within the Patriots organization felt the whole dog and pony show was merely a formality because three months later it was revealed that, not only had they filed for the trademarks two weeks before the game was played, they didn’t withdraw the applications after the loss. A quick records scan reveals Kraft Group LLC still owns both to this very day. Ya know…just in case.
Syracuse University
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Shameless Promotion: Orange™
In 2010 Syracuse decided to stop being Orangemen, opting instead for the gender neutral Orange. In 2011 an Inside Higher Ed article revealed it wasn’t enough for ‘Cuse to be Orange…they wanted to own Orange…which is why they filed paperwork attempted to trademark a color. Considering all the other teams that wear orange too, the whole thing seems a bit laughable.
But Syracuse is the one laughing all the way to the bank because, while they don’t own the actual word, “any type of merchandise with the world ‘Orange’ on it that shows support of or affiliation with a university falls under the trademark.” That per USA Today. Still, though! Trademarking a color? Pretty shameless stuff.
Robert Griffin III, Washington Redskins
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Shameless Promotion: RG3™, RGIII™, Robert Griffin III™, Go catch your dream™, Work hard stay humble™, No pressure no diamonds™, Know your why™, UNBELIEVABLY BELIEVABLE™, Light you up™
After an impressive rookie campaign with Washington in 2012, it’s safe to say quarterback Robert Griffin III has experienced a bit of a downslide over the last two years—both in his on-field play and popularity amongst fans. Maybe it’s because he’s appeared in several more Subway commercials than actual games this season.
Griffin has won exactly one game in the last calendar year, which is probably going to nip into the projected revenue streams from the nine different trademarks owned by his personal corporation Thr3escompany owned at one point. Some they have (wisely) let die on the vine—Griffin’s penchant for shameless self-promotion is unbelievably believable!
Ryan Lochte, Olympic Swimmer
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Shameless Promotion: JEAH™, AWW JEAH™, FYNE™, CHAP-CHAP™
American swimmer Ryan Lochte is living proof that you don’t have to be a brain scientist or a rocket surgeon to be good at sports. An Olympic medalist many times over, Lochte’s vocabulary and English comprehension is so shockingly lacking that it’s been known to leave morning news hosts in hysteric fits of laughter. He may be no Ethan Hawking or Baby Einstein, but at least he’s not trying to pass himself off as some faux intellectual.
Lochte, who once played his “sex idiot” self on 30 Rock, has four registered trademarks—three live, one dead—all of which are dumdum versions of something else. JEAH is just YEAH misspelled. (He might not even know it’s misspelled) AWW JEAH is like AWW YEAH, but misspelled. FYNE is FINE, only a misspelled version. And CHAP-CHAP, which Lochte hoped to use as a brand-name to sell various lip balms, is what a baby might call ChapStick.
Johnny Manziel, Cleveland Browns
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Shameless Promotion: Johnny Cleveland™, Johnny Football™, JFF™, MANZIIEL™, The House That Johnny Built™, JMan™, JMan2™, JIIM™
When it comes to shameless self-promotion, nobody does it like Browns rookie quarterback Johnny Manziel. He hasn’t started a single regular season game in the NFL, but according U.S. Patent and Trademark Office records, he is already the proud owner of 10 different trademarks.
Actually, eight are different and two look exactly the same, but apparently have some slight/stupid stylistic difference. At least he’s keeping busy, right?
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
