Funny Sports Fan Petitions
Sports fans will take any means necessary to get what they want—even submit petitions to the White House.
Seriously, why would any reasonable human think the president of the free world cares about Todd Gurley’s suspension or Tony Romo’s attendance at NBA games?
But it happens, folks, and it’s hilarious. Let’s take a look at some of the more ridiculous petitions that sports fans have actually submitted to the Interwebs.
Who knows? Those crazy jokers just might get Weird Al to play the Super Bowl halftime show.
Cancel School
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Believe it or not, this petition is filed under the issues “Education” and “Human Rights” on whitehouse.gov.
Apparently some folks petitioned the White House to cancel school if the Kansas City Royals won the 2014 World Series. Only 1,027 people signed it, and also Madison Bumgarner exists, so it was never going to happen anyway.
Fun fact: This petition was filed on October 29 (same day Game 7 was played). If I’m a Kansas City fan, and I’m even remotely superstitious, I’m pretty ticked at this reckless jinxer.
Kick Jerry Jones out of Dallas
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In 2012, a guy identified as “Steven M.” petitioned the White House to remove Jerry Jones as owner and general manager of the Dallas Cowboys. His plea read, via ESPNDallas.com:
"We, the Citizens of the Great State of Texas, and Dallas Cowboys fans worldwide, have been oppressed by an over controlling, delusional, oppressive dictator for way too long. Request the Executive Branch's immediate assistance in removal of owner and GM, Jerry Jones. His incompetence and ego have not only been an extreme disappointment for way too long, but moreover, it has caused extreme mental and emotional duress.
"
Apparently, the petition was removed from the site for “violation of our Terms of Participation” (which stipulates that petitions need to have something to do with federal government policy).
America’s New Team
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Speaking of America’s Team, 12 people also supported a petition to officially change “America’s Team” from the Dallas Cowboys to the Indianapolis Colts.
Zachary Zumkeller felt strongly about the cause, writing in 2012:
"The Dallas Cowboys aren't as relevant as the once were. They are only in the news for their failures and team/player troubles. The Indianapolis Colts have been a great organization for many years and the future looks bright for many more years.
"
Someone might want to tell Zumkeller that “America’s Team” is not an officially sanctioned title, but simply a widely accepted nickname in popular culture.
.jpg?w=256 "Colts Jaguars Football")
Ban Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist
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In this case, fans were unhappy with CBS’ choice of broadcasters.
One fan in particular, Andy Bearden, was so unhappy with Gary Danielson and Verne Lundquist that he petitioned CBS to remove them from SEC games. The petition read, in part:
"These men are WAY past their prime in sportscasting, and it's time we get some fresh new faces who can actually do a good job! Gary and Verne often forget names or players, coaches, etc. and call them a completely different name. Their commentary is extremely negative for most of the game. They are also two of the most biased commentators on TV.
"
With over 6,000 supporters, Bearden’s crusade is still going strong. Then again, it’s pretty low to try and boot someone from their job, right?
Sign Tim Tebow
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Following Tim Tebow’s release from the New York Jets in 2013, some fans rallied to try and get him another shot in the NFL.
A petition was filed with the White House to urge the Jacksonville Jaguars to sign the quarterback. The passionate prose read in part, via Yahoo Sports, “If the Jaguars sign & START Tebow, home games will be sold out, sales will spike, the team will win and the fans will be happy.”
Yeah. That one had to be taken down too.
Don’t Fine Carmelo Anthony
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In 2013, Kevin Garnett and Carmelo Anthony got into a little on-court scuffle, allegedly because Garnett told Anthony that his wife tasted like Honey Nut Cheerios.
Anyway, after the game, Anthony reportedly waited for Garnett by the team bus. He was later fined and suspended for the incident.
Several fans felt that his fine was undeserved because he was just “defending his wife.” The fans, calling themselves “Knicks Gang” started a petition to have Melo’s fine and suspension reversed.
Too bad only six people supported the petition.
Free Todd Gurley
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Do people seriously think the White House is going to get involved in matters like student-athlete suspensions?
Apparently so.
After Georgia running back Todd Gurley was suspended for NCAA rule violations, fans petitioned our federal government to “free Todd Gurley from any possible wrongdoing.”
Gurley is returning to the field, but not because this petition worked—because he served his time.
Dwight Howard’s Headband
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It’s great to see people using the Internet in meaningful and impactful ways.
For example, when Dwight Howard came to the Los Angeles Lakers in 2012, his choice to wear a sweatband posed a real problem for one person.
Harry Erickson felt so strongly about the headband that he started a change.org petition to encourage its removal. The petition garnered 691 signatures before it was all said and done.
We’ll likely never know if the negative reaction had any effect on Howard, but he did give up the headwear later that season.
Also Ban Tony Romo
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Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo has often been associated with cursing sports teams—not just his own, but other teams he supports in person as well.
During the 2014 NBA playoffs, San Antonio Spurs fans apparently didn’t want to be victims of the #RomoCurse. According to Jeff Garcia of Project Spurs, one Spurs fan petitioned whitehouse.gov to ban Romo from all Spurs home games, citing his obviously curse-inciting power.
If you try to access the actual petition, however, you’ll see this: “The petition you are trying to access has expired, because it failed to meet the signature threshold.”
No Space Jam 2
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Benjamin Raffalli wrote in his change.org petition, “Space Jam is easily the greatest film of all time. It is a cherished classic, and loved by every generation around the world. To many people, it's all they have.”
His point? Raffalli is extremely opposed to the making of a second Space Jam film. Warner Bros. announced in February 2014 that LeBron James would appear in a sequel to Michael Jordan’s animated classic (OK, classic is a bit strong, but still).
Raffalli has been able to garner 24 signatures so far—not exactly monumental, but it’s a start.
No Nickelback on Thanksgiving
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Nickelback takes a lot of heat, just, in general. So it’s not surprising that Detroit Lions fans don’t want to be associated with the butt-of-all-jokes band.
Dennis Guttman of Ann Arbor, Michigan, started a petition on change.org to have them removed as the halftime performer of the 2011 Thanksgiving game in Detroit.
The petition got over 55,000 signatures, but alas, Nickelback performed anyway.
Weird Al at the Super Bowl
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Ed Bell started a petition on change.org to have Weird Al Yankovic headline the halftime show at Super Bowl XLIX.
Over 129,000 people have signed this thing so far. Among the reasons listed for signing the petition are, “'Weird Al' is the voice of America!!” and “HOW HAS THIS NOT HAPPENED BEFORE.”
It’s not for a lack of trying. Folks have tried to get Weird Al on the big stage before, and when TMZ asked in 2012 if he would do it, Yankovic said, “Sure, if they asked!”
.jpg?w=480 "Colts Jaguars Football")
