The Key to a Good College Football Chant: Be Inventive, Rude, or Funny

The last time the VFA attended a college football game was the clash between Oklahoma and Texas (not a bad game to go to, as it goes), but something has been embedded on our minds.

There's a lack of good—and by that we mean inventive—chanting.

IN THE POSITIVE

College football chants are pretty samey. Fans spell out the first letters of their school (P-S-U) or their state (O-H-I-O) (we're only glad fans in Mississippi or Pennsylvania don't do that, or we would be here all night!), or they sing the odd song to taunt their opponents once they've beaten them (try Rammer Jammer!), but we don't hear anything witty.

Personally, I'd love to hear the PSU student section strike up: "Darryl Clark, My Lord, Darryl Clark...Darryl Clark, My Lord, Darryl Clark" (to the tune of Kum bay ya) in honour of the quarterback.

Or: "We're here, we're there, we're every ****ing where PSU"—It works on the football terraces, why not at Beaver Stadium?

IN THE NEGATIVE

How often do you go to a Yankee game and hear the fans chanting "Derek Jeter," without the opposition fans yelling: "...is a [add name of genetalia here]"?

Never!

College football has to be the worst. When a quarterback throws an interception, why isn't the crowd immediately on his back, cheering ironically when the quarterback actually hits his own receiver, and then cheering wildly when the ball goes for an incompletion/his receiver drops it/he trips over/he gets pulled from the game.

I realise that some quarterbacks didn't need pressure. Jarrett Lee, starter at LSU before he was pulled for, well, someone better, didn't need pressure of opposition fans chanting "Jaaaareeeettt! Jaaaareeeettt! Jaaaareeeettt!"—he managed it quite nicely, thank you very much.

And unlike college basketball players, where fans use every bit of invention to put off a scorer, college football student sections are really rather tame. Is that because the teams are on the sidelines and no one's witty enough in the alums section to come up with something?

And when your team is winning, why not ask them the score, like Ohio State fans should when they play in Ann Arbor this year: "Michigan, What's the score? Michigan, Michigan what's the score?" After all, it's an important question to ask...

Oh, and the funny bit?

We'd like to see Beaver Stadium do this if Penn State beat Ohio State: "You can stick that sweater up your ***! You can stick that sweater up your ***! You can stick that sweater, stick that sweater, stick that sweater up your ***!"

Or alternatively delve into a little bit of Michael Jackson when they are taunting a team or an opposing player.

"You suck, you suck, you know it, you suck!"

But nothing says classy like thirsty Wisconsin fans: