25 Things Avid Fans See Differently Than Others

Being a serious sports fan can be seriously hard work—unless you’re a Spurs fan born in San Antonio in the mid-'90s. Then it’s nothing but a glorious walk in the park that, from the outside looking in, seems like it will never end. 

For most of us, though, our fandom is kind of like an addiction. There are moments of pure, unadulterated bliss, which we use to power through the rest of the time when all we’re doing is desperately trying to figure out how to get back there. 

That kind of addiction has the power to seriously cloud the mind—clouds that create a mental haze that usually travels down to the eyes and ultimately settles in around our big, fat, flapping mouths. They obscure our perception and create a false sense of reality. 

Simply speaking, there are things that seriously serious sports fans see differently than casual fans and (relatively) objective onlookers.

The Allure of Fantasy Sports

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Fantasy sports are time-consuming, stressful, (sometimes) expensive and, generally speaking, all risk and no reward. Except for that one idiot who misses the live draft every season because he’s too stupid to figure out the draft application, but still manages to win every other year. And then there is, of course, the stark reality that the whole thing is fiction.

It’s also a contradiction in terms. On one level, fantasy sports get us personally involved in the game, bringing us closer than ever. On another level, have you ever felt less like an athlete than when you’re drunk on the couch Sunday afternoon, clumsily trying to find your iPhone to check player status for the late games? Probably not.

That kind of insanity is very difficult for the casual fan to comprehend. There are even some serious fans out there who have some sort of genetic immunity to the fantasy sports bug. Whatever, though, they don't know what they're missing.

The Seriousness of a Purported Problem

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When it comes to personnel problems or locker room issues within a given team, how serious a fan deems them is generally contingent on the answers to the following questions: 

1. Is it my team we’re talking about? 

2. If not, are we talking about a team that my team, and by extension me, really hates? 

If the answer to No. 1 is "yes," then it’s just the media making a mountain of a molehill. If the answer to No. 2 is "yes," then the problem is fatal and destruction is imminent.

If the answer to both is "no," then the so-called problem is like the proverbial tree falling in the woods—we can't hear it, so it doesn’t exist.

That Any Wrong Move Could Create a Jinx

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There are two kinds of people in this world: those who respect the potential power of the jinx and stupid jinx-deniers whose very existence in your life is probably the biggest jinx of all. Unfortunately, these people are not usually dispensable members of our social circles. 

In my experience, there are certain people in our lives who tend to lean more toward the latter. They include: your mom, my mom, moms in general, the elderly, smart aleck little kids and pregnant friends/girlfriends/wives who have had enough of your shenanigans and just want to be able to go to the bathroom already without you screaming about the consequences it could have on the game.

The impact stuff like facial hair, wardrobe, beverage choice, seating arrangements and the presence (or absence) of a certain person can have on the outcome of a game is immeasurable. That’s actually something we can all agree on, but for entirely different reasons.

Team Draft Needs

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Because of how high-profile and deep the NFL draft is these days—it's basically its own season—this pertains mostly to football. Everyone knows at this point that come March, every avid football fan on Earth suddenly becomes a draft expert. 

Of course, there’s a reason teams don’t rely on fan tweets when it comes to draft strategy—if they did, there wouldn’t be a single offensive skill position worth mentioning left on the board beyond the second round. 

To illustrate this point, I’m going to admit to my most embarrassing draft moment—we all have one. Back in 2003, I was so frustrated with the Steelers' inability to find a quarterback that I was desperate to draft Rex Grossman and I pitched such a fit about the team moving up to select Troy Polamalu.

I hope you appreciate how difficult it was for me to publicly admit that.

Fan Gear as Formal Wear

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Listen, I’m not going to pretend to speak for every furiously fanatic sports fan on this one, but when Bradley Cooper wore his Eagles jersey to dinner in Silver Linings Playbook, I nodded vigorously in approval. 

And I hate the Eagles…and am not particularly fond of Bradley Cooper, outside of that specific movie. I conducted an informal poll amongst friends and family—the most highly functioning contributing members of society stood firmly against. 

Me and the straight-up ballers supported the move, all of us envying his willingness to break with convention and risk ruining everyone else’s dinner in doing so. My uncle-in-law will spend all night making passive-aggressive comments if someone wears jeans on a holiday—he might explode if I decided to wear a Steelers jersey.

The Writing on the Wall

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Being a dedicated sports fanatic isn’t easy. Even on the best days, it’s still stressful and time-consuming. As fans, we invest so much into our teams that it occasionally renders us unable to call a spade a spade. 

Take the Bears' current situation. Halfway through yet another miserably underachieving season, fans in Chicago are still pinning their hopes on a dramatic, season-saving turnaround each week, no matter how unlikely it may be. 

The rest of us have known for at least a few weeks that their season is over, but for many, hope will remain until the Bears are mathematically eliminated in a few weeks.

The Business Side of the Game

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Back in the good old days, before this country was going to hell in a hand basket and boys were walking around with their pants falling down (sarcasm, nobody freak out), an athlete playing his entire career for one team was far more common than it is today. 

That was certainly nice for fans, but loyalty doesn’t pay the bills. Today, in the modern era of free agency, athletes are collectively generating billions of dollars annually and they have every right to make their own decisions based on what’s best for them. 

As fans, we often take an athlete leaving as a slap in the face, which is equal parts crazy and narcissistic. Every now and again an athlete will make it personal, but 99 percent of the time, they are just making a business decision. 

Rationally, I know that, but that doesn’t make my hate for Jaromir Jagr any less real. Sometimes reason just isn't strong enough to overcome blind rage.

The Appropriateness of Celebration Riots

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Historically speaking, riots are associated with very serious issues and times of civil unrest. Seriously, check out the intensity of this very thorough list.

Having looked over the list myself, I can’t find a single event on par with the Giants' recent World Series win, because that was just a baseball game. 

There are a few select fanbases that seem to believe that drunkenly trashing their own city is an acceptable way to celebrate a championship. Giants fans are chief amongst them.

The Appropriateness of Failure Riots

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Between celebration rioting and failure rioting, I’m really not sure which is worse. Gun to my head, though, and I’d have to go with failure rioting. 

Giants fans (who refuse to act like they’ve been there before) were obviously over-enthusiastic and drunk on the moment…and probably tons of beers. I don’t condone this stupidity, but I can understand it.

If rioting Giants fans were stupid, then the Canucks fans who rioted after a devastating Game 7 loss to the Bruins in the 2011 Stanley Cup Final were just sad. The only thing worse than losing a game is throwing a temper tantrum because a game was lost.

Just be an adult about it. Get angry, get drunk, get sad, get sleepy, pass out. Wake up the next day and soldier on.

The Potential of a Widespread Conspiracy

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People paranoid about widespread conspiracies are almost never thinking rationally. Conspiracy theories are a convenient way to account for unusual circumstances or explain away something unfortunate. But in reality, there is absolutely nothing convenient about a massive plot, particularly in sports. 

The idea that the NFL, for instance, is plotting against a given team or pulling strings for another is an all-risk, no-reward scenario. And even if it were, we all know how terrible human beings are at keeping secrets. If it were happening, we’d know by now.

Yet there are still plenty of fans—sometimes even players and coaches—who still default to this nonsense after a bad beat—or even after a big win, as was the case with the Ravens after Super Bowl XLVII. 

The Process of Evaluating Talent

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Everyone knows that the most popular player among fans on any/every struggling football team is the backup quarterback. The longer the losing streak goes on, the more popular he becomes. Take, for example, what’s been happening with the Jets this season. 

It doesn’t matter that Geno Smith was the team’s second-round draft pick in 2013 or that it’s only his second season or that he’s just 24 years old. And it doesn’t matter that he was drafted to replace Mark Sanchez, their previous pariah who was run out of town on a rail. 

It took Jets fans less than a month this season to completely turn on Smith and begin chanting for backup Michael Vick. Never mind that 34-year-old Vick has been inconsistent throughout his career and hasn’t played a full 16-game season since 2006. That’s due in part to various injuries, but it also takes into account the three seasons he missed while serving 21 months in federal prison. 

But yeah...Vick is definitely the long-term solution for a question with no answers.

The Legitimacy of a Story

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These days it seems that the legitimacy of a given story—any...given...story...—is directly proportional to how much someone wants to believe it. This is exactly what keeps all of those dreadful cable news networks in business and all of their loyal viewers crippled with rage and/or fear.

Fans are always preaching about getting “both sides of the story” and not “rushing to judgment,” at least when it impacts their own teams. But for everything else it’s like, kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out. We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another.

Last year Steelers coach Mike Tomlin intentionally obstructed the running lane of Ravens wide receiver Jacoby Jones. Blinded by the haze of Steelers Nation, I argued passionately at the time that it was clearly an accident. My vision improved with distance and now I can begrudgingly concede that Tomlin's act was intentional.

Probably.

The Threat Curses Pose

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Honestly, this one is only for the most desperate of sports fans. I am one of the most mentally unhinged sports fans in my social circle, but even I have a hard time wrapping my head around the scarred psyche of, say, Cubs fans. 

Although, I guess after more than a century of futility, it’s just human nature to develop coping mechanisms. Cubs Nation is almost always awash with finger-pointing and excuse-making. And when all else fails, just blame a goat.

Organizational Problem-Solving

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Whether or not they’ll admit it, most fans simply are not qualified to solve their team’s problems. Most of them think they are, though, which is probably why the average head coaching stint in the NFL is 3.25 seasons. 

Coaches are very easy scapegoats when times are tough. Fans don’t want to believe the team is unfixable—owners don’t want fans to believe the team is unfixable, either—and sacrificing a coach to an unruly mob is much easier than committing to a rebuild. 

Owners don’t want to have to struggle through a rebuild and fans don’t want to have to sit through one. So instead they slap a Band-Aid on a gaping wound and hope it’s enough to aid coagulation. If not, there's always more Band-Aids. 

The Seriousness of a Crime

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Say what you will, but for an awful lot of sports fans out there, the seriousness of a crime committed by an athlete is directly proportional to how much the offending athlete factors into their team’s success. 

Take, for example, the rivalry between the Steelers and Ravens. You know there is a fair amount of overlap among Steelers fans condemning Ray Rice and those who passionately defended Ben Roethlisberger. And vice versa with Ravens fans. 

The view is always better from atop a high horse. 

Situational Prioritization

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My goal is to tread lightly here because I don’t want to give the impression that I think a large percentage of football fans don’t care about the concussion crisis facing the NFL. I don’t think that. 

I think that most of us truly do care about player safety and respect any efforts to make the game safer. That being said, almost every Sunday I find myself screaming about how the game is being ruined by over-officiating and turning into a flag football league. 

So it’s like…Tuesday-Saturday: Player safety > Excessive violence. Sunday-Monday: Steamrolling Joe Flacco > Breathing. It’s a terrible, and terribly common, football fan disconnect that not many on the outside could even understand, let alone justify.

Devotion to Something That Sucks

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Don’t worry, Jets fans, I’m not talking about a team. I’m actually talking about anything that isn’t a team—mediocre players, ugly uniforms, terrible mascots, stuff like that. 

This also includes crumbling stadium facilities like Chicago’s Wrigley Field, which former Cubs pitcher Andrew Cashner very accurately described as “a dump” in March 2014. 

Despite being a sovereign land ruled by seagulls that is occasionally invaded by swarms of bugs and hated by players, fans remain steadfastly dedicated to their dilapidated vermin refuge.

The Result of a Replay

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All of the major sports have embraced instant replay (to one degree or another) in an effort to minimize mistakes because nobody wants to see a game won or lost on a botched call. That just isn’t a good look. 

What’s amazing, though, is that no matter how obvious the outcome is based on a meticulously slow frame-by-frame replay, there are always plenty of people who have witnessed some sort of alternate reality. 

They’re called the fans of the team a given call goes against.

The Appeal of Uniforms

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Every uniform change, be it semi-permanent or just a one-off, in sports represents a moneymaking opportunity, which is why they’re becoming increasingly more common. These have been very hit-or-miss in recent years, particularly in football. 

Of course, it doesn’t matter how butt-ugly some of the throwback jerseys in the NFL are, fans tend to see them through rose-colored glasses. As a Steelers fan who owns a bumblebee jersey, I can personally attest to that.

Perceived Conference/Network Bias

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There is no sport that even comes close to the kind of passion and rage that exists amongst college football fans. It’s been over a decade since I became a dedicated watcher/fan, but I still often find myself in confused awe over this particular section of the sports world. 

Like when the Steelers win, I don’t go on Twitter and immediately start mocking Ravens fans. And when the Steelers lose, a Ravens loss is really just a “well, it could be worse…” situation. But I’m also a South Carolina fan, and over the years, I’ve learned that when it comes to the SC-Clemson rivalry, the failure of the other team is almost as important to fans as their own success. Sometimes even more. 

It’s that kind of craziness that feeds and drives the irrational anger and paranoia about conference bias. Obviously most of it is directed at ESPN for their supposed SEC bias, but let’s not pretend it doesn’t exist elsewhere. This widespread belief that ESPN is propping up the SEC like some kind of puppet regime is, as Kramer would say, kooky talk. Chris Fowler agrees.

The Appropriateness of Throwing Garbage

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I think that, in theory, the vast majority of sports fans are against the practice of garbage-throwing at games. You’re not going to find very many people who freely admit to embracing garbage-throwing as readily as standing for the wave. 

That being said, in reality, it’s a bit more nuanced than that. Garbage-throwing is kind of like baseball in that it has a lot of unwritten rules regarding the dos and don’ts. I’ll do my best to write the rules, though. 

1. You shouldn’t throw garbage. 

2. Unless the zebras are seriously jobbing you out there; then it’s probably OK. 

3. But only really for my team because the refs are obviously out to get us and in the tank for you. 

4. Which is why you’re a classless piece of garbage if you do it. 

The Appropriateness of Interfering with a Player

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Much of the case I just laid out for the appropriateness of throwing garbage applies to the appropriateness of interfering with a player, although this applies mostly to baseball, which allows more for this sort of thing. Here are the rules. 

1. You never interfere with a player… (which is where non-avid fans would probably end the list)

2. That is on your own team. 

3. Opposing players are fair game. 

4. But only for us because the officials are out to get us and any other fans who do it are classless pieces of garbage. STAY CLASSY, YOU GUYS.

Perceived Announcer Bias

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I’m not usually fond of using limited personal anecdotal evidence to make a broad point, but in this case, I feel OK. Mostly because, outside of my regular life, I interact with hundreds of fellow sports fans via Twitter in a given week, and the only thing we ever agree on is that all of the announcers suck all of the time.

Also, I've been doing it this entire time anyway, so what's another personal anecdote. 

There are guys we hate less—like for me, that would be Jon Gruden and Kirk Herbstreit—and guys we hate with every fiber of our irrationally angry being—for me, that would be Cris Collinsworth and Cris Collinsworth. And did I mention Cris Collinsworth? 

I realize that it’s not rational, but as a Steelers fan, I hear almost every word out of the mouth of Collinsworth, a former Bengal, either as a backhanded compliment or an unforgivable insult. Nothing in between. And it's usually the latter. And it usually causes me to swear a lot.

The Interpretation/Implementation of a Rule

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Two words: 1. Tuck 2. Rule 

It’s been well over a decade since the Patriots defeated the Raiders in the AFC divisional playoff round, a game in which they were aided by one of the most controversial calls in football history. 

Although hindsight would prove the officials on the field actually got the call right, 12 years later, the rule was overturned and bid a “less-than-fond farewell.” 

Though there are still plenty of people ready, willing and able to argue the call. Most of them are Raiders fans.

Annual Renewal of Unrealistic Expectations

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"This is definitely going to be our year, the year! Finally, that well-deserved and long overdue championship will be ours!" 

That’s something that fans all around the country tell themselves each year in the months leading up to the season. It’s always a glorious time, filled with misplaced hopes, an outpouring of love and enthusiasm. And a time when everyone who isn't vigorously agreeing with you is probably talking about you behind your back. 

A dream that, for most of us, is usually dashed and dead within in less than a month—sometimes less than a week. Then you and everyone who has been vigorously agreeing with you start dreaming for next year and everyone who hasn’t been continues to talk about you behind your delusional back. 

Whatever, though...next year is definitely going to be the year.