Conspiracy Theory: Fear and Loathing in South Bend

Unlike many Trojan fans, I don’t take any particular joy in the trials and tribulations that Notre Dame has experienced in the last two years.

The Trojan-Irish rivalry is so much better when each team is good and a good record for both teams should be desired by fans of each program.

However, the bitterness by some Notre Dame fans has reached such a crescendo that excuses for the Irish ineptitude against USC has resulted in some unique explanations.

Lately, I have heard many interesting theories. The most recent one has to do with USC not playing Notre Dame in November at South Bend, Ind.

The theory goes something like this:

USC is afraid of playing the Irish in the snow.

That somehow geography and climate will trump talent and speed.

This theory wasn’t being offered in the '90s when Notre Dame owned USC.

It didn’t seem to matter to Lou Holtz whether he beat USC in October in a driving rain at South Bend or in the sunshine at the Coliseum in Los Angeles.

No, Coach Holtz simply trotted his boys out on the field and beat the snot out of the Trojans with astonishing, and for a USC fan, frightening regularity.

This had nothing to do with the weather outside. What it did have to do with is the balance of athletic talent that Notre Dame had over USC.

It may also have had something to do with Lou Holtz’s mastery of X & O’s over Larry Smith (may he rest in peace).

Trust me; it had nothing to do with the weather. Notre Dame would have beaten USC if they played on the moon.

Now, consecutive losses by the scores of 38-0 and 38-3 will tend to harm anyone’s psyche, and Irish fans should be cut some slack for enduring such travails.

But to suggest that by not playing a November game at South Bend somehow gives the Trojans a unique advantage is, well, silly.

Now, this theory is not being offered as the reason for USC’s success per se. No, the crux of this theory is that the game is so important that it should be the capper to end the season.

At least that is cloak that this theory is dressed with.

The only problem with this is that since 2006, the game hasn’t really mattered much. The combined scores of 76-3 in 2007 and 2008 didn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone not wearing Irish green.

Now Notre Dame fans are smiling again and there is talk of new-found success for Charlie Weiss and the fighting Irish.

Many experts are predicting nine and ten wins this year and there are even hushed whispers of an Irish upset of the hated Trojans in South Bend.

If this were to happen, and believe me—I don’t think it will, what will that do to the October in South Bend theory?

USC plays Notre Dame on Oct. 17 at South Bend, and the fighting Irish will have an opportunity to put all the reasons why they have lost seven games in a row aside with an upset win.

I expect the new theories to begin Oct. 18.