Every year when I tune into the NFL Draft, I find at least a little humor coming from the Oakland Raiders War Room.
We know that the fourth overall pick will be humorous. I've compiled a list of the top five players that the Raiders will most likely draft.
1. Joe Flacco
The Raiders have felt "un-patriotic" as of late, and feel they need to draft someone who represents the whole of America. Joe Flacco, who played for Pitt and Delaware, is the perfect selection for this mentality.
Oakland feels they need to give the underdogs the big opportunity they've been dreaming of. Flacco played behind Tyler Palko while he was with Pitt, and hasn't played against very much top competition, but the Raiders feel that genius head-coach Lane Kiffin can mold him into whatever he needs to be.
2. Fred Davis
In a shocking move, the Patriots taped the Oakland Raiders War Room on the day before the draft. They not only found out the Raiders' plans of drafting Vernon Gholston, but they also found Al Davis's coffee cup.
A few drops of something later and Davis was a happy, happy man.
With Davis out of the picture, the drafting responsibility falls to Lane Kiffin, who thinks that fans come before wins. In a bold attempt to broaden the fan base in southern California, Kiffin selects USC tight end Fred Davis.
Kiffin ends up selecting Taco Bell as his new work site.
3. Felix Jones
Darn those Patriots. Somehow they managed to get all 12 Raiders running backs together the day before the Draft and ‘convince’ them to retire. In a desperation move, the Raiders will select Felix Jones with the fourth overall pick. Al Davis explained his team “being in a horrible, horrible situation”, and that he believed that with Jones’ help, they could “harness the power of the dark side” more effectively.
4. Michael Vick
It seems that Al Davis has been involved with some illegal operations as he attempted to purchase the rights to Vick this offseason. Commissioner Roger Goodell has downplayed the scandal and has offered to reinstate Davis with the Raiders if he “drafts Vick the fair way.” Vick was not available for comment.
5. Michael Jordan
This pick is the least likely of all the five. There is a possibility that Jordan doesn’t even enter the draft this year, as only one quote has been pried out of the basketball god: “I want one of those ‘3-sport-athlete’ t-shirts.” Al Davis has taken this as a sign that Jordan wants to play for his Raiders, and has fired every scout under his control to make room for the future cornerback.
Says Jordan’s grandmother: “I would say that this opportunity will keep him off the streets, but if he goes to Oakland, I think he would be safer on the streets of Chicago.”