It turns out you don't have to do much to become an Internet superstar these days. As it were, being drunk at a college football tailgate will do just fine.
Hell, we've done that. Where's our 15 minutes?
From this brief video, we are already pleading that anyone with the means get this young woman her very own TV show. I would much rather watch this between games on Saturday than another recap of highlights and plays I just saw.
For those who like to read before they watch the video, let me give a brief summary. The video comes before Saturday's clash between Texas A&M and Ole Miss at Vaught-Hemingway Stadium. While the Aggies ultimately won, 41-38, this Rebels coed completely dominates long before the first snap.
One great big tip of the hat to Lost Letterman for transcribing the genius that pours from the mouth of a diligent student who is letting loose on this fine Saturday.
While it's easy to presume some of these words come from the mind of someone who had one or two cordials before getting interviewed, we like to think she is always this masterful with her command of rhetoric.
If you are looking for highlights, you can't do much better than the following:
I love school spirit, but let’s not get me wrong. I wouldn’t have school spirit without a couple vodka waters. (Pounds drink)… Everybody has the same mission, and the mission is we don’t care about anything but the party, and the party goes on forever. The party never ends. … Ole Miss never loses a party.
Really, all that's missing with this video would be the hilarious syncopation of random hiccups and perhaps a cartoon bubble escaping her mouth. As a side note, vodka water sounds absolutely ghastly. The only thing more repulsive would be Goldschläger shots.
And then there was this gem:
Ole Miss is the most fun school you’ll ever go to. And when you go to a college, you’re gonna make the grades, blah blah blah. As long as you get a two-oh.
Seeing as how she is a real go-getter, we are assuming she didn't mean 2.0 GPA, but rather, BAC.
Just sit back and savor a video that encompasses every last character presented at a football tailgate. There are those there to marvel at the game and the massive event before them, and then there are those who only want to party.
Bow before the unofficial tailgating queen. If you need her, she will be at the tent looking for more vodka waters.
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