The Worst Hairstyles to Look for on Opening Weekend of the Premier League

Over the years, the Premier League has been graced by some truly appalling haircuts. Joe Cole's red stripe. Taribo West's minimalist braids. Abel Xavier's… whatever this is.

With the 22nd iteration of the Premier League on the horizon, B/R looks forward to the snazzy styles you can look forward to on opening weekend...

Over the years, the Premier League has been graced by some truly appalling haircuts. Joe Cole's red stripe. Taribo West's minimalist braids. Abel Xavier's… whatever this is.

 

With the 22nd iteration of the Premier League on the horizon, B/R looks forward to the snazzy styles you can look forward to on opening weekend...

Raheem Sterling

Liverpool's prodigious midfielder is almost as creative with the ball as he is with the follicles upon his head. 

The 18-year-old turned up to the Reds' preseason tour of Indonesia with an utterly bizarre tower of curls, complete with shaved sides and whispy "face art" sideburns.

Sadly, he probably won't be rocking this style during Liverpool's opener at Stoke, as he has been sporting a more sensible 'do on the club's tour of Norway.

Of course, there's still over a week for him to visit the barber with another bad idea...  

Philippe Coutinho

Bad hair might be contagious among Liverpool's young contingent, as Philippe Coutinho appears to have taken style inspiration from his buddy, Raheem.

Abandoning his usual curly mop, the 21-year-old Brazilian has shaved the sides and gone tall on top.

In many years to come, we will look back at Coutinho with that hair while wearing that awful Warrior Liverpool kit and wonder what the on earth people were thinking in 2013.  

Brek Shea

Stoke's American winger, Brek Shea, has experimented with a number of alternative hairstyles over the years, including ill-advised cornrows and a Clare Danes-esque bob that can only look good accompanied by a lady in a bikini and a mule.

Recently, the Texan has rocked a variation of the mohawk, with a long, product-laden skunk strip augmented by shaved sides. It's pretty radical for Staffordshire.

Wayne Rooney

Over the past few years, we have watched Wayne Rooney's haircut recede further and further. In 2011, however, the Manchester Utd striker waged war on genetics by undergoing a nine-hour hair transplant operation. 

This summer, Rooney shaved his luscious locks once again to undergo another procedure, so when he briefly turned up on the Red Devils' Asian tour, his artificial-looking straight-edge hairline was present once again.

If Roo ends up forcing a move to North London before next week, perhaps he'll celebrate by getting an offensive message to David Moyes shaved in the back.

Andy Carroll

West Ham striker Andy Carroll has had plenty of ups and downs in the past few seasons, but one thing that has been ever-present is his long, greasy hair. 

He generally adopts a hairband or pony tail while playing, but Carroll still has the appearance of a wet dog most of the time. 

It's time for a date with a pair of scissors, Andy. 

Benoit Assou-Ekotto

He may admit to having no interest in football, but Tottenham defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto is a good bet for a crazy haircut when Spurs head to Crystal Palace next week. 

The Frenchman sports one of the biggest bouffants in the game, to the point where it must affect his aerodynamics. On occasion, the 29-year-old has also added some colour to his 'do for added flair. 

An honourable mention also goes to teammate Tom Huddlestone, who has been sporting a similar caveman-meets-Sideshow Bob look during preseason. 

Fabricio Coloccini

When Kevin Keegan was blasting in goals at St James' Park in the eighties, little did he know that his bouncy perm haircut would live on on Tyneside via Fabricio Coloccini.

The Argentinean centre-back's utter refusal to restrain his curly locks with a pony tail or band might actually work to his advantage when Newcastle visit Eastlands for their opening match, as it can irritate and obscure the vision of Man City strikers attempting to clamber past him. 

An honourable mention in the category of out-of-control curls goes to the man nicknamed Sideshow Bob, David Luiz. 

Bacary Sagna

According to the BBC, Marouane Chamakh and Gervinho are close to completing moves away from the Emirates, which puts a lot of weight on Bacary Sagna as Arsenal's sole terrible haircut owner.

The French defender has worn the distinctive bleached braids since he was a teenager, apparently getting them as a result of a bet with his father. Sagna won the bet to get the haircut—you'd be forgiven for thinking it was the other way around.

 
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