Is Andy Murray My Favourite Player?

I like Murray.

I don't like Murray.

I like Murray.

I don't like Murray.

These days this is what I do mentally, sometimes even sub-consciously—Debating with my own self as to whether I actually am a fan of Murray or not!

Venerating Federer; growing to like Rafa; adjusting with Nole—I really don't know where to put Murray among my tennis favourites.

So far he has been my favourite in relative terms i.e like between him and Del Potro, I would choose him but even if he wins I know that I would end being guilty that I have been some kind of a sham. I would gloat on his triumph but with a hollow leaden feeling that I haven't been entirely truthful to him as a player.

And when he plays Federer, Rafa, or Nole, I don't know whether to hate him on the spur of the moment, hurl all kinds of gory things at him and do whatever I as a fan member of the opposite camp can or appreciate the bitter but stark reality that he has won because of his outstanding brilliance that day?

When he lost to Fernando Verdasco in the Oz Open Fourth Round, my emotions were in a turmoil. One minute I was chanting Verdasco's name tagging "Vamos" to it; the other I was saying "Poor Murray" over and over to a countless frenzy.

In the recently concluded Miami Masters final, my mind was supporting Nole while my heart kept on saying that it would be Murray who would end up as the winner so much so that I was left with a question of, "Who was I supporting for in reality?"

Such conflicting thoughts end up confunding me more than what I usually am and I don't like it at all.

I like his skill and dexterity on the battleground. At the same time I despise his expressions and facial grimaces. I am partial to his confidence demonstration while his cockiness irks me. Is this right? Isn't a favourite supposed to be someone to whom we get attached "without any loose ends?"

If I get irritated or impatient with any of his gestures and actions, how am I justified as being his fan? Shouldn't I be overlooking all his faults and fallacies and concentrate on his best attribute of playing tennis?

Considering that I chose to defend Federer willingly and without any compunction over his his episode of racquet banging, it means that I should not be overly touchy on the subject of Murray acting like a weirdo out there, doesn't it?

But I am touchy. I have a mad urge to call him something indecent and all those things which will make me shudder when I think about them afterwards.

Is this just because Federer is the only player who I idolise in a most unrelative way, irrespective of the opponent, or is my behaviour an explanation of sorts that I am a hypocrite, a hypocrite of perhaps the highest order!

Still, these questions don't give me any answers. No answers to my question of when I act and react in this manner regarding Murray, am I actually his fan or have I just been telling myself a nice fib about my apparent so-called "Relative Favouritism" involving him as a protagonist?