The Media Circus

Mel Kiper thinks college overtime is for sissies

If you’re looking for hard nosed, old school analysis of the NFL, guys like Dr. Z and Len Pasquarelli have nothing on Mel Kiper.  Kipes thinks those who want changes to the current NFL rules on things like overtime are metaphorical vaginas.  According to an ESPN Insider piece:

When college football games go to overtime, what does Mel Kiper do?

“I turn games off when games go to overtime in college—turn ‘em off!”

He said college overtime rules are a “J-O-K-E,” and yes, he did spell it out.

Kiper was happy that the NFL recently decided not to review its sudden-death overtime procedure. It is controversial because a coin toss decides who gets the ball first in the extra period.

But as long as there is overtime, Kiper said if your defense can’t stop the other team to get the ball back for your offense, then you don’t deserve to win the game. “You don’t deserve to play the game at all.”

Oh, and if you still think NFL overtime should be like college football’s overtime, this is what Kiper has to say to you:

“If you think like a loser, you will be for the overtime being extended. If you think like a winner, you’re satisfied with the system.”

Imagine the irony—this man calling someone a loser.  ###MORE###

Crap that actually came out of somebody’s mouth

“That lineup is going to be very explosive.  I like the addition of Raul Ibanez in that lineup.  It’s going to make Ryan Howard even better” – Eric Young

Damn right it is.  Finally he’s no longer hitting in front of that bum Pat Burrell and his 33 HR, .367 OBP, .507 SLG and instead will get to feast on those fastballs that come as a result of being in front of Ibanez and his 23 HR, .358 OBP and .479 SLG.

So sweeping through the first two rounds proves that the Huskies, even without Jerome Dyson, are the favorite to win the title. – Andy Katz

Part of the fun of railing on the mainstream media is in reading comments like these. 

It’s not that Uconn isn’t worthy of the favorite tag, it’s that Andy Katz has decided that it’s definitive that Uconn, the fourth No. 1 seed, has now leapt above their fellow No. 1 seeds because of the way they beat…Chattanooga and Texas A&M.  

Pardon us, if we’ll hold off on the dramatic proclamations based on the first two rounds of the Tournament.

No matter what you drive, Howie Long has a long list of reasons of why it makes you an inferior man who probably prances around in a bra and panties every Tuesday night. – MJD, Yahoo Sports

For Howie, anything less than a pinpoint buzzcut means you prance around in bra and panties, doesn’t it?

“If you think like a loser, you will be for the overtime being extended. If you think like a winner, you’re satisfied with the system.” - Mel Kiper

Sorry. We’re just freaking amazed that Mel Kiper thinks teams that actively try to win the game never reach overtime. Winners will their way to win—LITERALLY!

Doesn’t Jeter hold the all-time record for that?

Purdue and Gonzaga probably should just go home

Media members are paid to give their opinions and thus can do so without fear for the reaction of the subjects.  A writer need not be worried about overlooking a team since that writer is probably not going to be playing the said team any time soon.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make us laugh a little when the “experts” are so darn confident about a team winning a Sweet 16 game that they pretty much just pencil them in while doing their analysis.

When asked to name the best matchups in each bracket, fellow SI.com writers Seth Davis and Luke Winn, made it clear whom they were penciling into their brackets…

Best Matchup: UConn vs. Memphis.  Memphis came frighteningly close to not getting out of the first round, but if the Tigers can get past Missouri they will give UConn all they can handle. – Seth Davis

Best Matchup: No. 1 North Carolina vs. No. 2 Oklahoma (in the Regional Final). This one may not happen, given that Syracuse is in the Sooners’ way – Luke Winn, SI

You heard it here first—only Mizzou stands in the way of a Memphis-UConn battle, with Purdue’s game against the Huskies a formality. And on the other side of the bracket, North Carolina’s matchup against Gonzaga may just be flipped to an exhibition for UNC as a warmup for Syracuse or Oklahoma.

Mad Dog Russo: Flamboyant Analysis at its Finest

When it comes to breaking down the first weekend of the NCAA Tournament,  there are a plethora of people offering up opinions via the written word.  But no one quite can communicate his position on the Tourney via the flamboyant hand gesture like NBCSports.com’s Chris “Mad Dog” Russo courtesy of his Mad Dog Minute segment.

Foxsports.com columnists portray diverse, tight-knit cast

One of the finer things in life is getting tips from our “anonymous sources” who really dig deep for some insider information about the people who provide us insider information. Per our anonymous source, the columnists at Foxsports.com really have some interesting characters.

Take Adam Schein, for instance …

Schein was so drunk and desperate to land some tail this past weekend that he bragged to every chick that he played Arvin from Head of the Class. Dude wouldn’t stop talking about Howard Hesseman, either.

His boy Alex Marvez says …

“Hi, I’m Alex Marvez, Senior NFL Writer at FOXSPORTS.com. I also report on wrestlers who die.”

And ladies…if you’ve got the connection, I’ve got the URL!”

The devious one, Mark Kriegel …

Some say he looks like Cosmo Kramer or Syler from Heroes, while others think he could team with Mel Kiper as a dominant, Vulture-like tag team in the WWE. Our anonymous source knows one thing for sure—Kriegel holds his high school record for most detentions and most freshman stuffed in a locker with 682. He also locked in 17 cats.

The journeyman writer, Randy Hill …

Per our anonymous source, Hill’s interests on Facebook include “taking a stroll through the mall” and “driving my pedophile van with curtained windows to the mall”.

The cowboy, Tracy Ringolsby …

Ringolsby thinks indians are savages. He lives every day as if he was the protagonist of Oregon Trail. He’s not intimidated by your cholera or dysentery.

The Secret Weapon, Ken Rosenthal …

Ken is an omnipresent rodent swimming in the sewer of Major League Baseball. He also eats one pouch of Fun Dip every morning.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real - all of it except that section with the anonymous source. Our anonymous source actually has a name and it’s Ken Rosenthal.