The 20 Biggest Athlete Entertainment Fails

Nick Dimengo@@itsnickdimengoFeatured ColumnistDecember 7, 2012

The 20 Biggest Athlete Entertainment Fails

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    Thanks to segments like "Shaqtin' a Fool"—shout out to my main man at Turner for pitching it—and "C'mon Man" we see a ton of dumb things our favorite athletes do on the field.

    But a missed dunk or tripping over one's own feet in front of millions on game day may not be the biggest fail of an athlete's career.

    It's when they step off the field and try to get into other forms of entertainment that they should probably be most embarrassed.

    Here are some athletes who should have just focused on their sport and never attempted doing anything other than that!

Pau Gasol's in the Fray

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    Our roommate from college (still) loves The Fray, constantly sending us voice memos from his phone whenever he gets a chance to hear them.

    He also happens to be very tall and loves Europe.

    So while most of us watch this miserable performance of the Spaniard Gasol, we know of at least one person who is probably head over heels for it.

Durant's Thunderstruck

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    Kevin Durant has said that the hardest thing about filming this movie was "Missing shots on purpose."


    We hate crapping on something that we have yet to—nor ever will—see, but based on the previews that have been played during NBA and ESPN telecasts over the past few weeks, there's no way in hell that was the hardest thing Durantula had to do.

    How about actually acting, KD?

Alexander the (Not So) Great

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    If there's one thing we all know about Alexander Ovechkin, it's that he loves to score goals and isn't shy with his willingness to party.

    In this car ad for a local dealership, though, we wish he had been a little more hesitant to open up his pipes and try singing, because dude's absolutely atrocious!

    His love for vodka might not make his performance any better, but we know it would at least make the video a little more fun!

    Get that man a shot!

Van Damme and Rodman "Double Team" It

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    Most guys probably admit to having a guilty pleasure for all action movies—hell, we couldn't wait to see the disappointing Taken 2 earlier this year.

    But the fact that some film company actually thought it to be a good idea to sell Dennis Rodman and Jean-Claude Van Damme together as an action duo is completely nuts.

    We may have dropped the ball on seeing Liam Neeson duplicate his badass role in Taken, but even we're not dumb enough to buy into this plot!

It's Gonna Be Greg Oden

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    Is Greg Oden even old enough to know who *NSYNC is?

    Maybe this was actually a campaign to see who the Portland Trail Blazers should choose first in the 2007 Draft, and Oden was just stating his case over Kevin Durant?

    That's honestly all we can think of for why he even attempted this song.

Ironhead Heyward Is Zestfully Clean

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    We get the irony of having a guy nicknamed "Ironhead" soften up and pitch body wash to guys when most dudes were used to sticking to their regular bar soap.

    What we don't understand is: a) Why Zest couldn't find a better football player than Heyward as their spokesperson, and b) Why Heyward's emotions are all over the place in the entire commercial.

Brett Fav-Ray?

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    The old gunslinger decided to take his skills to the silver screen, playing Cameron Diaz's sort-of boyfriend in There's Something About Mary.

    His performance wasn't as bad as the pick he threw in the playoffs of the 2007 NFC Title Game, but it was definitely more painful to watch.

Gronk Gets Down

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    Every dude loves Gronk because he's a total bro.

    And thanks to Robert Gronkowski's growing popularity over the past two seasons, everyone has been able to see why he's the coolest cat out there.

    Unfortunately, his moves at a post-Super Bowl party were captured on a phone, and there was a big stink about whether or not he acted appropriately.

    Look, we could care less that he was dancing following the loss and be more upset that he was acting like someone straight out of The Jersey Shore!

Just for Men

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    As guys get older, we know it's not uncommon for their hair to start graying.

    So how do you help keep that "edge?"

    Listen to the NFL's leading rusher (and former NBA and MLB All-Stars Walt Frazier and Keith Hernandez) by scooping up some 'stache dye to help out.

    The dancing.

    The fake mics.

    The overall production of this commercial.

    All just terrible ideas.

Gheorghe Muresan Is a Giant

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    Gheorghe Muresan's NBA career high in points was 31 back in 1995, so it's a little odd to us that he was even considered for a movie, let alone one with an actor like Billy Crystal, because he didn't have too much career success.

    We get it—the 7'7" Romanian was an absolute tree—but if you saw My Giant, you know it was terrible, not to mention hard to understand whenever the limited-English speaking Muresan opened his mouth.

LeBron's Prerogative

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    As the greatest player on the planet, it's safe to say Bron Bron may think he can do no wrong.

    Well, this video shows that his speed, agility and moves, while handling the rock, don't seem to translate as well when trying to pull off a Bobby Brown parody.

    We respect him for trying, but we regret actually seeing it.

Gallinari's Halo

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    We know Jay-Z's from New York and all, but do the Knicks really want their players stroking the ego of the owner of their cross-city rivals Brooklyn Nets?

    Seems they didn't care a couple years ago when then-Knickerbocker (and clearly aspiring singer) Danilo Gallinari performed Jay's wife Beyonce's "Halo" for the cameras to see.

    Now that Galo's in Denver, we wonder if he's still hitting those mile-high notes he displayed here?

Dallas Does Acting

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    What do you get when you put three former All-Stars together with Bow Wow in a movie that's made to portray a child entertainer to be "Like Mike?"

    Pure awkwardness.

    Nash and Dirk may someday find themselves in the Hall of Fame, but none of these three ballers will be receiving an Oscar anytime soon after seeing these bad skills.

    Yes, when we say "bad," we mean it in the most derogatory sense possible.

MJ's Worst Jam

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    If there's one time no one should ever want to be like Mike, it's during these painful 88 minutes when Jordan and his basketball buddies attempt to overtake cartoon bad guys in a game of hoops because they stole their talents.

    It's bad enough to see about half the 1992 Dream Team make an appearance in the flick.

    But then you realize they're trying to hold their own with real actors Bill Murray and Danny DeVito, and it just gets pathetic.

Shaq and the Biebs

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    In our lifetime, there hasn't been anyone more dominant than Shaq down in the post. He was absolutely unstoppable—minus his free throws—constantly tossing anyone aside who thought they could play him straight-up.

    Though he dominated on one hardwood, it's tough for a seven-footer to do so on the other—a dance floor—which he found out when trying to take down Justin Bieber.

    Guess he just had the fever to try!

Tom Brady Is a Dancing Queen

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    We feel sorry for Brady (kind of).

    His only fault is that he's so perfect in everyone's minds that when he happens to slip up and remind everyone he's still just an uncoordinated white guy, we have to crap on him.

    In this case, he's enjoying some Brazilian festival with his supermodel wife Gisele.

    Why do we have a feeling he laughs off the fact people like us find his moves embarrassing?

Kazaam! It's Shaq

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    Kazaam is just a terrible movie.

    That's typically what you get when putting together the kid from Free Willy 2 and an NBA player with limited-to-zero acting skills (or ability).

    The one good thing Shaq gave us in this movie?

    A lyrical genius as a genie.

Romo's (Not) Saved by the Belding

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    Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" is every college girl's go-to song when at karaoke because it also happens to be the most overdone song in every bar.

    So for the Dallas Cowboys QB, he knew what would get the crowd going—him, on stage, with Saved By The Bell principal Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins).

    With Romo's penchant for turnovers this season, it was good to see him not fumble the words, at least.

    Though all we can really ask is, "What is going on here?"

Mark's Mad(sen's) Dance Skills

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    Though it's widely known that white men can't jump, Madsen's laughable dance moves prove they can't quite dance either.

    Following the Los Angeles Lakers' 2001 NBA title, all the big man wanted to do was dance, busting out moves no one has ever seen before.

    You'd think, having gone to Stanford, he'd be smart enough to avoid things like this.

Carl Lewis' National Anthem

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    Carl Lewis is widely known as one of the greatest U.S. Olympians in history.

    Winning a total of 10 Olympic medals in his illustrious career—nine of which were gold—his popularity from the mid-80s to early 90s was sky high.

    Unfortunately, his success on the track didn't quite translate into a booming singing career.

    Oh, Carl, why couldn't winning gold medals be enough for you?