Playoff Fever In Montreal

What a season so far for the Habs.

It seems that every other player has gone down with either a shoulder injury, a freak injury (see Robert Lang's Achilles' tear), or the "flu" bug.

But, by some miracle—or perhaps the ghosts have finally migrated from The Forum to the Bell Center—the Canadiens are still clinging to that final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference. Clinging being the optimum word, as it implies an impending fall into oblivion.

That's right Habs fans, the vaunted Bob Gainey built Blue-Blanc-Rouge machine is now out of oil, running low on gas, and still has about 1,000 miles left on the journey to our desired destination, the hallowed Stanley Cup Championship.

In fact, we might not even get to the glorified rest stop we call the division series.

How did it get so bad? Where did all our talent go? Why are the Kostitsyn brother's so awful this year? Is the Price really right?

These and many more questions have haunted the Canadiens since game No. 1. The answers to all these are as obvious as they are humiliating. We overachieved last year. There I said it; the big balloon in the room has just exploded.

That's right Habs fans we are not watching les glorieux anymore, we are watching a bunch of over hyped, over paid, over touted fourth liners, who are just "trying" their best, and their best is just not good enough.

Let's examine the evidence. Exhibit A, Two nights after our miraculous win in overtime over the Deadmonton Oilers, we play the worst team in the East, a.k.a. the New York Eyeliners, and they serve us an embarrassing 3-2 loss in overtime.

Exhibit B, it's our savior Carey Price in net who lets in the Kyle Okposo dribbler for the game winner. Exhibit C, this is not the first time we've lost to the Eyeliners; that's right, remember that Nov. 24 4-3 OT loss on the Eyeliner's home ice.

I can still hear the haunting cheers of the 50 people in attendance when O’Byrne scored on our own net.

Finally, Exhibit D, D for dumb, no this one is not about Ryan O’Byrne, it’s about the party brothers Kostitsyn.

We always suspected something was not quite right about the brother's this year and it turns out, thanks to a bit of sharp investigative reporting by the French Media, that Big and Little tits are best pals with a know Montreal mafia figure, who supplied them girls and perhaps other stimulants and got them in the best clubs.

That’s a great way to stay hockey fit isn't it? Oh, and by the way, there are a series of email photos circling the Montreal cellular network that I recently saw firsthand. Just to give you a taste, in one of them our fair haired savior Carey Price can be seen chugging a Corona the size of his enormous head, the beer really is that big.

Perhaps this explains why he looks so hung over between the pipes, it’s because he might actually be hung over.

Oh, lest I forget, the ideal playoff matchup for the Habs, should we even make the playoffs, would be the Washington Capitals. We consistently outplay the Caps every game, and their goaltending is shaky at best. That's not to say we won’t lose to the Caps; in fact, we might not win a single game.