Top Five Scandalous Anonymous Big Ten Coaches' Quotes from Athlon Sports

*NOTE: not actually scandalous at all.

As part of its season preview, Athlon Sports contacted several Big Ten coaches (it doesn't say head coaches, so we're assuming some if not all of these guys are assistants) and had them give anonymous quotes about various opponents. Under the veil of anonymity, after all, these guys can say whatever they want about their colleagues and rivals.

Whatever. They. Want.

Unfortunately, what Big Ten coaches really want is to be sterile and non-confrontational, because what ensued was less a scandalous tell-all and more the type of stuff that ends up in seventh-graders' half-hearted book reports.

There are some mildly decent nuggets in here, like one coach saying most other coaches don't think Bill O'Brien will succeed at the college level or that they thought Montee Ball would be off in the NFL by now, but those are few and far between. The rest is just dreck.

With that, then, here are the the Top Five Most Unbelievably Scandalous (Except Not At All) Quotes from the anonymous coaches of the Big Ten. These are all full individual statements (there are about five or six per school), so it's not like we're chopping off the "juicy" part of whatever each coach said. Prepare to be shocked and appalled!

5. Wisconsin

 "If not for surrendering a couple of last-minute Hail Mary passes against Michigan State and Ohio State, the Badgers could have had an unbeaten regular season. The Badgers get both teams at home this year.”

OUTRAGEOUS!

4. Penn State

“Linebacker Gerald Hodges is one of their top returning players from what’s really a small group of returning starters (eight overall)."

SLANDEROUS!

3. Indiana:

"Quarterback Tre Roberson, running back Stephen Houston and wide receiver Kofi Hughes, their top three offensive players, all return for new coordinator Seth Littrell. A bunch of defensive linemen are back — Larry Black, Adam Replogle, Bobby Richardson and Ryan Phillis."

UNSPEAKABLE!

2. Northwestern

"They lost a ton of seniors but do return starting linebackers Damien Proby, Collin Ellis and David Nwabuisi among five returning starters."

UNTHINKABLE!

1. Iowa

"For the first time since he came to Iowa, Ferentz will have a new offensive and defensive coordinator in Greg Davis and Phil Parker."

THE SHAME OF A NATION!

Seriously, if the Big Ten's coaches are given anonymity and still can't offer stronger opinions on their opponents than what you can find in a media guide, how can they be bloodthirsty to win on the field come fall?

This is why the SEC's always better, folks.