Hey ESPN, C'mon Man!

Ken KnightCorrespondent IJanuary 16, 2009

Does anyone watch ESPN's NFL Monday Night Countdown?  Have you seen this segment?  The main cast criticizes the boneheaded plays, which had taken place in the NFL from the previous day.

Well ESPN, it works both ways, my friends!  Let's take a closer look at this colorful cast of characters.  This was intended to be "in jest" and all about poking fun.

Tom Jackson, aka TJ.  In my opinion, you were an underrated NFL player who played the way the game was meant to be played—with great heart.  You were never blessed with a Super Bowl ring, and were a little undersized for a LB.

Unfortunately, you will never live down your "They (the Pats) hate their coach right now!" statement you uttered a few years back.  That team proved you wrong and went on to win it all. 

Hey TJ, C'mon man!

Cris Carter, aka CC.  You were blessed with quite possibly the best pair of hands to ever grace an NFL field.  You are one of my all-time favorite receivers.  I truly love ya, man.

However, it may be difficult to maintain credibility as an NFL analyst, or anywhere else for that matter when making statements like "All TO does is make plays."  Immediately followed with stating "Oh yeah, he's done some other stuff, too."  Really???  What does CC actually stand for, "Captain of Contradiction?"

Hey CC, C'mon man!

Keyshawn Johnson, aka Key.  You were a good wide receiver who won a Super Bowl ring.  You weren't as good as the guy sitting to your left.  I really admire the way you matured during the course of your NFL career.

I do enjoy your commentary and feel you surely add to this show.  But sometimes the lot of you prompts the urge to stab myself right in the eyeball!  So Key, "Just gimme the damn awl!"

Hey Key, C'mon man!

Mike Ditka, aka Coach.  Your '85 Bears defense could be described with words such as "awesome," "dominant," and "lights out."  That team was most definitely "special."

However, I have often pondered how much of that team's success could be attributed to defensive coordinator Buddy Ryan. After all, you were never able to repeat the Super Bowl championship without him running your defense.

I have often heard you utter nasty remarks towards my beloved Vikings and their dome. I believe this was due to the Vikes playing a large role in your departure from Chicago following the 1992 NFL season.

Early that season, da Bears held a 20-0 lead over the Vikings in a game at the Metrodome. Bears QB Jim Harbaugh called an audible, which led to an interception return for a TD. You came unglued on the sideline in front of millions.

The Vikes went on to an improbable 21-20 win, and went on to win the NFC Central division. 1992 was your last season as the Bears coach.

Hey Coach, C'mon, man!

Ahh, I have saved the best for last.

Chris Berman, aka Boomer.  When you first began the practice of nicknaming players it was kind of cool.  Your enthusiasm could not be matched.  Unfortunately, that act has grown so old and tired.

You can sometimes be so annoying.  Everyone else on the show just picks a winner, but you feel the need to pick the damn scores. Nobody cares!

I can vividly recall your off-air tirade from a few years back.  That kind of behavior leads me to believe you may be the one at the company holiday party who, when you approach a woman, she begins screaming "Back, back, back, back, back, back, back!!!"

Are you the one passed out in the corner with a lampshade on your head and lipstick and mascara on your face (compliments of Kenny Mayne, of course) and you wake in the morning with a pocket full of rotten shrimp???

Hey Boomer, C'mon man! 

Ken Knight is an aspiring writer and author of a book released in Aug. 2008 titled "New England Bandwagon Nation".  Ken is also a contributing writer on sportslore.com.



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