Cristiano Ronaldo: Look at Me and I'll Fall Over Along with Me, Me, and Me

Football is not blighted by all the money or by the 24 hour coverage it receives today. In truth, football is probably better now than it has ever been thanks to technology and better training methods, players are all fit and have to be able to kick the ball and not just the opposition in order to get a game.

That said, it is the lack of kicking the opposition that this article is all about.

Diving is the real “achilles heal” for modern football and it personally, makes me sick. Maybe it is because I was never able to dive, in truth, it never ever came into my mind but that is probably why I’m writing here and not being written about.

My old coach Clive Hands inspired me to write this after he gave me the headline, “look at me and I’ll fall over” during a recent conversation. Diving is an embarrassment to the beautiful game and it is so annoying to hear our game called a “soft” sport because of the diving epidemic.

Sadly, the only reason that diving has become acceptable is the amount of top players in top leagues that would rather spend 90 minutes on their arse than put themselves about like the game was intended to be played.

What is most annoying to see is the likes of Didier Drogba (all 1.89m of him) with absolutely no excuse for going down at any time other than if he is tripped, falling into anything and anyone in order to get any sort of decision.

Here are the worlds (most famous) aerobic arts performers…

Chelsea’s Didier Drogba is widely regarded as one of the worst divers of recent times. The Ivorian has cleaned up his act of late but a his reputation will always be there and he only has himself to blame.

Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo could easily go tit for tat with Drogba in the diving stakes, imagine how good a player he would be if he didn’t spend ten minutes of every game on his behind.

Daniel Alves has more of an excuse to dive than Drogba or Ronaldo as in football terms, he is tiny at 1.73m but he is in essence a defender for goodness sake, divers should be falling over his feet.

Germany and Bayern Munich’s Bastien Schweinsteiger even has a surname that sounds like a dive. The midfielder is never far away from controversy or the turf for that matter.

Jose Maria Gutierrez Hernandez or Guti to some is another player that should just be so much better than diving but is anyone above it these days? You could probably point to an incident in every players careers that they would cringe watching.

Another suspect is Guti’s Real Madrid team mate Gabriel Heinze. The Argentine defender comes from one of the tougher footballing nations but maybe it is his long hair that makes him want to fall over?

We all remember Fulham’s John Painstil falling over a few weeks back after trying to make head contact with his opponent.

Thierry Henry, someone I haven’t written about for a long time due pretty much to the fact he no longer sets the world alight at Barcelona but he is no stranger to throwing himself on the deck in hope of a referee’s whistle.

I have just one memory of Fiorentina’s Alberto Gilardino and you guessed it, he was on the deck while playing for Milan after shaking off a tackle and trying to round Celtic’s Artur Boruc, the Italian forward realised the ball was going out and fell over. It must have been the wind…

A player who knows all about that mysterious wind is Sunderland’s El Hadji Diouf. Another who has matured during his time in England but mud sticks.

Now, Steven Gerrard may not have the diving reputation of a Diouf but fans from every club other than Liverpool would tell you he should be. It is not just foreigners enjoying the taste of the Barclays Premier League’s luscious green pitches.

At the height of his diving career this player was a top goalkeeper but sadly it was diving in another manner along with his moaning and play acting that gave Germany’s Jens Lehmann a bad name. Who could forget his infamous bust up with Didier Drogba that so them both falling around like a couple of kids in a play park.

So there you have it, a list of players who are much better than this and really shouldn’t have a diving black mark on their esteemed careers but you reap what you sow.