Derek Fisher and 5 Old Farts That Need to Find a Retirement Home Already

Some people don't know what when it's time to call it quits. Some people need other people to tell them. 

The problem is that some people have gotten so old that they can't hear you when you tell them anymore. They just say, "Eh, what's that sonny!" So you have to type it in hopes they read it.

Here are five players that are over 35 and have a Player Efficiency Rating (PER) below 10. The player I didn't list is Jason Kidd, who gets a reprieve since he's been injured and won a ring last year. 

Ben Wallace, 9.7 PER

Ben Wallace is living up to his name, as in "has been."

Back a long time ago, when people were still worried about Y2K, Clinton was president and Jordan had only four rings, Wallace was a rookie. He went on to have a great career and have some of the best defensive seasons ever. 

He even won a ring of his own. 

Then his career waned. Then it waned some more. Then it waned even more. 

That was about five years ago. He is way past needing to retire. 

Derek Fisher, 9.5

Derek Fisher is still starting, which would be funny if it weren't true. How? How is he  a starting point guard? Based on virtually every defensive and offensive metric in the game, he's at the bottom of the list. 

Fisher has no business near a basketball court anymore unless it's not wearing a uniform. It's time to start your coaching career, Fisher. 

Anthony Carter, 8.5 PER

To be fair, Anthony Carter was never really a great NBA player in the first place, which makes it all the more amazing that he's still sticking around. 

Since he can't shoot and can't guard, the only reason I can fathom having him on your team is as a role player. That role is simple: make the other shooting guards on the team feel better about themselves. 

A couple of hours of going against Carter will have you feeling like the unholy progeny of Dwyane Wade and Kobe Bryant. 

Anthony Parker, 9.1

It's nothing against the name "Anthony," really. But which is the worst too-old Anthony in the NBA: Anthony Carter or Anthony Parker?

You can imagine one-on-one game between these two, right? Two men, one ball and their walkers. 

You could play it back in that stop-frame technology where they take one picture every minute and then watch it in regular speed. 

Or you could just call the game. 

Anthony at the free-throw line. 

Anthony just past the free-throw line. 

Anthony still going. 

Anthony taking a rest. 

Anthony taking a nap. 

Anthony wakes up. 

Anthony dries the drool off the ball. 

You get the picture. These guys are too old for the NBA. 

Juwan Howard, 3.4

I'm probably going to get skewered for saying this, and I'll have Miami fans telling me Juwan Hoard can still play and so on. Whatever. Dude is old. 

Let's be real.

This guy was a freshman at Michigan with Jalen Rose and Chris Webber, who could probably retire with benefits from their analyst jobs now. If he plays much longer, he's going to have his Social Security Number number as his jersey number. 

I mean, he's old, and he's not that effective. It's not just minutes either. He's scored six points this year in 37 minutes. 

It's time to hang up the shoes while you still can, Hoard.