9 NFL Coaches We'd Hate To Run into in a Dark Alley

As an individual with absolutely no training as a fighter, there aren't many head coaches I would want to meet in a dark alley. Sure, maybe guys like Chan Gailey or Steve Spagnuolo I would feel confident about taking down but not many others.

On the other hand, there are plenty of coaches that I would hate to meet in a dark alley. In fact, there are exactly nine coaches that I would hate to meet anywhere other than a well-lit public place. Here they are.

P.S. I've included what I like to call the "Pee In My Pants Factor" which basically lets you know how badly I would pee my pants if I were to meet these coaches in a dark alley.

Rex and Rob Ryan

Pee In My Pants Factor: Slight drizzle down my leg

I have this feeling that Rex and Rob Ryan travel down dark alleys together. It just seems like something they would do.

Even if they don't, I wouldn't want to meet either Ryan brother in a dark alley. Not only would you get the your brains cursed out, but both Rex and Rob look like they could absolutely throw down.

John Harbaugh

Pee In My Pants Factor: I probably wouldn't pee when we first met, but after 30 seconds alone with him, I would have probably peed twice.

The thing about John Harbaugh is that he looks like the type of guy that would destroy you very methodically.

Not only would he beat you physically, but your mental state would never be the same after meeting him. He would defeat your body and your mind while taking your firstborn son. Yes, it would be that bad.

Mike Tomlin

Pee In My Pants Factor: My entire pair of brand new Levi jeans would be drenched

There may not be a more intimidating coach in the entire NFL. Not only would I not want to meet Mike Tomlin in a dark alley, but I would be afraid meeting Tomlin at a Starbucks on a Sunday afternoon.

He is that frightening of an individual.

Jack Del Rio

Pee In My Pants Factor: A light tinkle

I'm not really sure how the Jacksonville Jaguars are able to play in the second half after the verbal lashing they are pretty much guaranteed to receive from Jack Del Rio due to their poor performance.

Jack seems like one of those guys that would never get tired of yelling at you. It probably wouldn't matter if you met him in a dark alley with freshly baked cookies, he would still scream in your face until you were crying like a baby.

Tom Coughlin

Pee In My Pants Factor: An extremely large spot in the general crotchal region of my pants

Tom Coughlin is an old-school man. There is no doubt in my mind that Coughlin could throw down with the best of them.

While I would be worried about breaking his hip if we got into a scrap fight, I'm sure that Coughlin would wait six months to heal then show up at my door with his cane and beat me senseless. Yes, he is that cruel.

Lovie Smith

Pee In My Pants Factor: A constant stream of fear pee

Don't let the name Lovie fool you because Lovie Smith is anything but lovie-dovie.

This is a man who has had to put up with Rex Grossman as his quarterback, and that will make anyone angry. I bet if you wore a Grossman jersey in the dark alley, Lovie would make an example out of you really quick.

Jim Schwartz

Pee In My Pants Factor: The type of peeing in your pants that makes a four-year-old embarrassed

It wasn't until Jim Schwartz got into a shouting match with San Francisco 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh that I realized how ruthless this man can be.

Of course, being the head coach of what used to be the worst franchise in the NFL would make anyone angry. Thankfully, the Detroit Lions are on their way up, which only makes me a little less scared about meeting Schwartz in a dark alley.

Jim Harbaugh

Pee In My Pants Factor: It's possible that my shoes could fill up with urine

The other member of the best coach against coach fight this year is none other than Jim Harbaugh. Much like Jim Schwartz, I thought Harbaugh was a mild-mannered coach until he blew up after his team beat the Detroit Lions.

Now, there is no doubt in my mind that Harbaugh would be able to put a major beatdown on someone in a dark alley. It would be efficient and brutal, just like the San Francisco 49ers.

Mike Smith

Pee In My Pants Factor: I just peed in them right now

Believe it or not, Mike Smith would be the last man that I would want to meet in a dark alley. You know this man is tough considering he was tasked with completely rebuilding the Atlanta Falcons franchise after Michael Vick and has done a stunning job.

Smith is probably capable of laying into an individual in numerous ways. From Karate to straight-up boxing to Krav Maga, it wouldn't surprise me if Smith knows them all and can take you down however he pleases.