Dana White Suffers Concussion, Works Out Deal With Fedor!

The cold hostility between Fedor Emelianenko and the UFC is over!

Dana White has agreed to sign Fedor to a whopping $7 million per fight contract whereby all of his fights will also be co-promoted with Affliction and M-1.

In the end though, there were also some other minor contractual issues that needed to be worked out.

Fedor will be given the opportunity to fight in Japan once a year, on the New Years Eve card.  Affliction Clothing, who have threatened to destroy the UFC, are also no longer banned as a result.

This rare show of generosity by UFC president Dana White follows his recent sparring accident.

Dana White was at the gym, pounding away on a Tito Ortiz punching bag, when he slipped on a Matt Hughes country breakfast bar.

He suffered a concussion, but has decided to take the medical advice of both Ken Shamrock and Quinton Jackson.  He will therefore be eating a lot of steak and chicken, but also fasting, drinking nothing but energy drinks, and watching The Secret.

While it seems impossible for Dana to both starve, and eat steak and chicken, Dana's concussion seems to have convinced him that it is possible.  Furthermore, the whole experience has led Dana to believe that anything is possible.

Dana has shown his new found generosity to some other fighters as well.

Following the St. Pierre vs. Penn fight, regardless of whether he wins or loses, Penn will now be moving to the heavyweight division, where he will be taking on all comers.

GSP himself will have fought his last fight in the octagon.  From this point forward, the UFC announced that Dana White has given in to GSP's demands to fight in a non-rectangular parallelogram.

Anderson Silva will be fighting the last five fights of his contract next month, before he retires from MMA to pursue a fight with Roy Jones.

In another surprising move, the UFC has signed Kimbo Slice, Ken Shamrock, and Seth Petruzzelli, and all three will be competing in a Three-Way Steel Cage Death Match live for free on Spike TV.

But it's not just the fighters who are taking advantage of the situation.  Dana White has forced the Oxford dictionary to include "neutrify" in its new edition on behalf of Mike Goldberg.  New encyclopedias will also State that Travis Lutter is indeed "irregardlessly the Michael Jordan of Brazillian Jiu Jitsu".

Joe Rogan has announced his intentions to marry BJ Penn.  Joe Rogan excitedly exclaimed, "He's got this crazy dexterity! He can lift his legs right over his head without using his hands!"

And finally, after bitter disputes, Tito Ortiz will return to competition.  His new contract will reportedly pay him "like a billion dollars".