The 15 Questions Entering the Halfway Point of the NFL Season
Week 8 is generally considered the halfway point in the NFL season, mainly because the NFL season has 17 weeks and no one wants to divide 17 by two (decimals are scary). There are a lot of QUESTIONS still filling the airwaves and notepads of America's media elite, questions that I plan on asking and sort of answering/commenting about in this slideshow.
These are all things you should care about, and should be straining yourself with sleepless nights in order to figure out the answers to the inquisition I am about to give to the NFL as a whole.
15. Will Rob Gronkowski Still Be in a Patriots Uniform at the End of the Season?
Rob Gronkowski, the Patriots tight end and apparent sexual deviant, was photographed with a porn star during the Patriots' bye week, pictures that came to light recently. Gronkowski was forced to apologize for some reason, as Bob Kraft (Patriots owner) has likely spent the past days counting his rosaries.
The Patriots have a notoriously short leash (see Moss, Randy) for players who do somewhat illicit things while in the Patriot uniform, so it wouldn't be totally against quota if Gronkowski saw his demise if more pictures came out. We can only hope, right?
14. Are the Atlanta Falcons a "Bust?"
The Falcons are 4-3, and traded numerous draft picks for one draft pick with slippery hands. They play in an above-average division, and as "Super Bowl Contenders" in most major magazine/websites/telegrams, not making the playoffs would have to be a great disappointment for Atlanta. Right? Right.
Seriously why did I choose 15 questions?
13. Will Ndamukong Suh Be Considered a "Dirty Player" by the End of the Season?
Suh, who has spent the past two years juxtaposing himself as hometown hero/insane person, recently has come under fire for blatantly obvious dirty play, including last week where he taunted a squirming Matt Ryan.
Whispers seem to say that Suh, who was previously commended for his "hard" play, will enter the label that Rodney Harrison and Hines Ward have occupied. Congratulations to Mr. Suh, and may God have mercy on whoever is the first journalist to call Suh dirty.
12. Will DeMarco Murray Ever Rush for 100 Yards Again?
I think not, but who's to say! Oh, me. After a 253-yard week against the Rams, the Dallas running back has been described as Emmitt Smith meets Jungle Animal. He's not, as the Rams are just really a crime against humanity.
11. Will Oakland Raiders Fans Accept Me as One of Their Own?
I've written two columns about the Raiders in the past two weeks, met with overwhelming approval from non-Raiders fans and unapproachable disgust from Raiders fans. I threatened disdain of Al Davis and their stupid Carson Palmer trade, and a burning effigy of me is still in downtown Oakland (which I can only assume is all of Oakland). ACCEPT ME PLEASE! There is only so many Twitter/comment fights I can do before I start to believe you guys don't like me.
Links to fun exchanges:
10. Will Troy Polamalu Have Any Brain Cells by Week 17?
Most likely not. And that pains me to say. But he better not call anyone about it, or else he is compromising the holy game of football.
9. Are the Washington Redskins the Most Irrelevant Team Ever?
Because honestly, at 3-3, who gives a s--t? I know I don't. And I'm not sure the Rex Grossman/John Beck atrocity does either. Mike Shanahan is an enigma to never be figured out, and does Clinton Portis still play for them? Who cares?
8. Will Any Don Banks Sentence Match This One?
From this week's SI.com Power Rankings:
Hue Jackson's motivational skills certainly deserted him last week against visiting Kansas City.
"AND IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! HE STILL HASN'T GOTTEN OVER THE DEATH OF AL DAVIS."
7. Will Terrell Owens Be on a Team by the End of the Season?
I know I speak for the rest of America when I say I sure hope so!
Oh, no one else is thinking that?
6. Will Arian Foster Be the Best All-Around Player in the NFL?
A perpetual threat for 150-plus all-purpose yards, Foster has turned into one of those Marshall Faulk/LaDanian Tomlinson type backs that will be eternally drafted No. 1 in fantasy leagues.
Matt Forte may have something to say about that, but his contract situation may be the factor in his sudden surge in caring. Foster carves up opponents, and is always a threat to break the big one, whatever that means.
5. Will the Monday Night Football Game Be Good Once?
4. Will Teams Actually Suck for Luck?
I am not a fan of the term "Suck For Luck," mainly because of how construed it can be. I am not going to explain what that means, but I think that sucking for luck is an extreme possibility. No one cares as much as you think, and I wouldn't put it against the teams to maybe throw a game or six. More great football!
3. Will More Words Be Written about Tim Tebow Than Jesus?
A literal crisis of faith for Mr. Tebow, Tim has been written about by every person ever, and may take over Jesus' reign as most-written about person (or is it soul?). Darn you to heck, Tim.
2. Will Aaron Rodgers Have the Best Season Ever for a Quarterback?
5,422 passing yards, 46 passing touchdowns, 125.7 passer rating.
There is a very, very good chance.
1. Who Will Win the Super Bowl?
I mean, it has to be the Packers at this point, right? There are no real unbelievable faults with them, except for maybe a less than amazing pass defense. Their pass offense is the best thing I've ever seen, an offense that is scarily robotic. They are dope.