What the MLB Veteran's Committee Meeting Was Probably Like

Old Guy #1: So, here's our list, Joe Torre, Ron Santo, Eddie Jordan, Terry Pendleton, and some guy with the last name Schriapowski.

Old Guy #2: What is that name, Polish?

Old Guy #3: Actually I think he's a Jew.

Old Guy #1: Poles can be Jewish.

Old Guy #3: No, not this one. Apparently he set a synagogue on fire after they told him to "stay away from the matza ball factory."

Old Guy #2: That makes no sense.

Old Guy #3: I know, right!  If I were that guy, I'd be all like, "Hey, I'm a Jew! Roar!  Give me candy!"

Old Guy #1: And I'd say, "Hey, I'm a Jew! I want to control all the major network stations in New York!" And Warren Buffet would be like, "Fuhgeddaboudit!"

All the old guys, not just these three, laugh uproariously. Then Old Guy No. 4 (that's really his name) speaks up.

Old Guy #4: Well Old Guy No. 1, I think it's time we looked at our list.

Old Guy #1: Yes, let's do that. What are the names?

Old Guy #4: You just announced them.

Old Guy #1: No I didn't!

Old Guy #2: But who has the names then?

Old Guy #1: I think Old Guy No. 5 has them.

Old Guy #5: Oh yeah. Okay, hang on a second...he takes six minutes to pull out a scrap of paper from his back pants pocket...Sting, Kurt Weill, Elmo, the Teletubbies, and Marilyn Manson.

Old Guy #6: Marilyn Manson is a hot bitch! I'd like to f*** him!

Old Guy #7: I'd like to f*** YOU!

They start f****ng.

Old Guy #8: But what about Ron Santo?

Old Guy #2: Oh, f*** that guy, he's old.

Old Guy #1: I agree. Now, who wants a Taco?

Old Guy #4: I do!

Old Guy #10: I want justice on a stick.

Old Guy #3: You can have your justice, but for Christmas, I want a pony.

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I don't care if this isn't an accurate portrayal of what happened at the Veteran's Committee meeting in Las Vegas.  The point is, f*** these stupid motherf*****s. F*** their families, their pets, and their life-insurance plans. May they all contract some rare disease from raping a monkey and have their blood vessels burst open. 

F*** the Veterans' Committee, and f*** you.

Good morning!