15 Things to Do If Your Fantasy Team Stinks

There's nothing worse than after a seemingly great draft, seeing your record swirl around the toilet. It is a time of desperation; it is a time of despair.

Keep your head up. There are things you can do. It's not the end of your fantasy life. Let's jump right into this countdown.

Here are a few tips from an author who has been at the bottom of many leaderboards. It's time for "15 Things To Do if Your Fantasy Team Sucks," (and mine does).

15. Go Back and Analyze Your "Fantasy Guru"

These guys are always hit-or-miss. Nobody gives perfect, sound advice every time they open up their noise hole. 

If you followed one guy to a tee, he’s to blame—not you! He totally led you astray! Next year, find a new guy you can place all the blame on if he doesn’t lead you to the promise land.

14. Rip on Yourself

You drafted the team, so it’s your fault. Sure, it’s a different approach to the aforementioned blaming of your fantasy guru, but it’s a little more adult.

If you rip on yourself on the message board, you might get a little pity in your league. Guys might offer you a trade in exchange for you to “keep your chin up.”

Pity help is better than no help at all.

13. Suggest an Auction Draft for Next Year

Auction drafts take a great deal of skill in which to be successful. If you take more of the luck away from the draft, you’ll have a better chance to be competitive.

Managing a salary cap might be difficult, but shouldn’t the most learned and disciplined owner win the league—and not the little brother who took the Jets’ defense in the first round? Despicable.

12. Start Scouting Sleepers for Next Year

If this year is a bust, why not put in some leg work for next year? You have nothing to lose. If the playoffs aren’t in your near future, you should do something productive.

A lot of younger players won’t get a chance to start until the end of the season. Whether it’s an injury or their talent hasn’t yet developed, it’s interesting to watch guys get better.

They may be vital pieces to your team next year, and you might surprise your opponents with a late draft pick they’ve never heard of.

11. Join a Keeper League Next Year

Maybe you are already in a keeper league and your team sucks. Here’s a great excuse: “I’m in a rebuilding year.”

If you’re not in a keeper league, join one next year. It may take a few seasons to be competitive, but eventually you will build a strong enough core to make a run at a title.

10. Start Talking Trash on the Message Board

If you just can’t win, sometimes it’s fun to just starting letting your gums flap. Belittle the top teams and their loser owners.

Maybe you can start a feud with them and take advantage of their emotional mind state.

This might not work in improving your team, but at least it will bring you some entertainment during the season.

Anything is better than analyzing what went wrong over the past nine weeks.

9. Stockpile Trade Bait

Some guys really suck, but they look good. I remember a couple of years ago when Quinton Ganther came out of nowhere and started getting carries for the Redskins.

He had a pretty solid week in his first outing, then I dumped him for two running backs who were splitting carries.

Two weeks later, Ganther was done and my two guys were starting. So, I traded one shortly-lived featured back for two starters.

Had I been smart, I would have parlayed those two guys for somebody great, but a bunch of trade bait should help your team’s prosperity.

8. Buy Low

Treat the league like it’s the stock market. Some marquee players have down weeks and it’s during these weeks that you should offer a trade.

Roddy White will have a week where he only makes five catches for 55 yards. Spring on his fantasy owner faster than a fat kid on a Christmas ham.

Offer him something deceivingly great (but in reality utter crap) and you might get the wideout of your dreams.

7. Sell High

If you’re still in contention and need to make moves on your sucky team, this is the play. Some guys are streaky, and you need to take advantage of said streakiness.

For example, if Vernon Davis catches three touchdown passes and receives for 135 yards, he is an attractive trade piece.

Most teams are pretty weak at tight end and if you can get a top flight receiver or running back, it might give you the boost your team needs to actually compete.

6. Abandon Your Team

I don’t suggest this if you’re playing in a league that you plan on playing in next year.

But, if you’re like me and you draft a couple of leagues for “fun,” then it’s perfectly fine to abandon the league if you are mathematically eliminated.

Even if you’re not, sometimes it’s alright to say “F*%#  it.”

Why deal with the grief of losing each and every week? You don’t need that kind of stress in your life. Your wife/girlfriend is more than you can handle.

5. Stalk the Waiver Wire

Some guys play with too much emotion. If Chad Ochocinco has a bad week, some idiots will just drop him.

If you’re high enough on the list, you might get Ochocinco while your buddy is punching the bathroom wall.

4. Dump Your Best Players off to a “Friend"

This is shady, but it can work.

You know you have seedy friends in the league—they steal bowling shoes, chewing gum, and occasionally cheat on their girlfriends. This is the type of accomplice you need.

If you make a lopsided trade in their favor, ask them for your dues back if he wins the league. That way, the year is a wash. The trade might benefit him so much that winning the league isn’t out of reach.

The only problem is, he’s shady; he might never pay up.

That’s when you leak information to his girlfriend about his infidelity. Wait a minute, this is getting a little too hardcore for fantasy…or is it?

3. Change Your Team Name

As ridiculous as it sounds, it might shift some momentum into your favor (though, it would all be coincidental momentum). 

For example, if your team name is “The Pink Ladies,” you aren’t exactly striking fear into your opponent. But if you change your name to “The Cobra Kai,” your opponent might accidently drive his Miyagi Turbo off the side of a mountain.

And a guy in a coma can’t change his lineup! Hooray for us!

2. Make Some Ridiculous Trades

Sounds easy enough, right? If you have a bunch of mediocre players, maybe you can lump them all together to create a “super player.” This probably won’t work.

If you have some big name guys who have flashes of brilliances, maybe you can pawn them off on the biggest fantasy chump in your league for a steady player.

1. Pray... and Keep Your Eyes Locked on the Free Agents

This goes for any fantasy sport, but even more so for the NFL.

With a cornucopia of injuries, starters change from week to week. It’s your job to be aware of who is going to see considerable action on the field, and it’s most prevalent with running backs.

The days of a single back carrying the ball 30 times or more is over, so you need to find a guy who gets the bulk of the load. Sometimes, it’s a guy who was three spots deep on the depth chart at the beginning of the season.

Keep yourself abreast of what each team is doing and who might get the nod to start.