Football Analysis from the Couch: Rating NFL Television

The professional football viewing landscape changed dramatically with the creation of the NFL Network. Although this entity still needs more programming (they’ve even added a recurring show on college football to fill airtime!), this entity has the time and the mandate to provide the most depth, and well, just the MOST, period, when it comes to football TV. 

By cleverly combining the NFL Network shows with standard programming and my DVR, I have managed to watch football not only EVERY night after work but also throughout the off-season. Despite the endless parade of 28-year-old blondes doing the updates, there is no better way to mitigate football withdrawal.

Every major network and sports channel has acknowledged the premier place which pigskin play occupies in the national consciousness (all due respect to our baseball brethren). Even if your cable company lives in the dark ages and refuses to carry the new NFL channel, you can still feed the football jones with a plethora of football shows from which to choose.

NFL News

NFL Total Access – every day except Sunday on the NFL Network, usually at 7PM Eastern. It repeats endlessly every day (as do most NFL Network programs) so check your channel guide and be careful when programming your DVR or you’ll end up with 10 showings of the same episode. Host Rich Eisen is annoying as hell, but analysts Kurt Warner, Steve Mariucci, Deion Sanders, Jamie Dukes and others are worth it.

Michael Lombardi and Jason LaCanfora fill in news and a front office point of view.  Give these guys a chance—they seem milk-toasty, but they have terrific info and sneaky little senses of humor. When you’re lucky, Mike Mayock makes an appearance. 

Although rather acerbic (which of course I love), Mayock is a fount of information for the more sophisticated fan as well as a rising star in live game analysis as well as the NFL Network’s answer to Mel Kiper when it comes to the draft. (The show sorely misses Hall of Famer Rod Woodson, but their loss is without doubt Oakland’s gain.)

They’ve overdone the backlit orange Plexiglas and swooping stage crane camera shots, but if you can control your nausea, the content is first rate. For a solid hour of the latest around the league, you really can’t beat it.

NFL Live – See above note on orange Plexiglas. What, did these guys compare set design notes? Yuck. Live is weekdays all year round on ESPN. It's usually 4PM Eastern, but it moves around some. Don’t worry—your TiVo will find it. This half hour is the fast and furious NFL News show; they bring you up to date on injuries and news and provide the absolute best analysis available from Mark Schlereth, Mike Golic, Chris Carter, Herm Edwards, Marcellus Wiley, Tim Hasselbeck and the positively stellar Trent Dilfer. 

Honestly, I record this show primarily for Dilfer’s take on the game, which is pithy and consistently right on the money. Host Trey Wingo has grown on me, and I now kind of like his humor. The players and Herm can deliver a lot of info in a very short period of time. If you don’t have the NFL Network, this is a must see and even if you do, the concise nature of the football knowledge imparted can’t be topped.

Pregame

Even with the advent of the NFL Network, I still watch ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown, which starts two hours before kickoff. They cover all of the games and hosts Chris Berman and Tom Jackson manage the banter with an ease that comes of their 25-year partnership. 

The younger players (wide-receiving divas Keyshawn Johnson and Cris Carter) are both funny and insightful. This series features the most coverage and least shenanigans of all the pregame offerings.  Ditka is exactly the cut-to-the-chase guy that you would expect, although do NOT listen to him when it comes to game picks. Mortensen and Schefter combine for the most thorough updates available before the first snaps around the country.

NFL Today – one hour before kickoff on CBS. I always prefer to listen to coaches do game breakdowns—they have a more in-depth perspective than players. So, if you want to concentrate on AFC contests, you can choose to listen to Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe, Boomer Esiason and Dan Marino. 

Cowher’s info is funny and excellent and Sharpe is quite witty. Boomer thinks he’s witty when he’s really kind of nasty, but his viewpoint is generally valid, and while Marino isn’t the sharpest crayon in the box, his specific play breakdowns are invaluable and give you a glimpse inside the mind of a HOF QB.

FOX NFL Sunday – One hour before the games, FOX.  Curt Menefee looks a little out of his depth with Terry, Howie, Jimmy Johnson and Michael Strahan, but there is NO doubt that this is the most sheer fun of all your pregame options.

Strahan, of course, fits right in, and Curt, at least, seems to enjoy his rambunctious colleagues, even if he can’t always control them. I personally wish that Jimmy Johnson would analyze more like a coach and less like a TV personality, but that’s an opinion possibly influenced by my natural Redskins’ distrust. Tune in for a focus on the NFC and a few laughs.

NFL Gameday Morning – three hours before kickoff on NFL Network. If, like me, you know that there’s no such thing as too much football, then start your Sunday THREE hours before kickoff with the NFL Network’s first hour of coverage.

Mariucci is a fan favorite and absolutely the most likeable NFL analyst working today.  If you can get past Deion Sanders' and Michael Irvin’s wardrobes, they actually have a lot of good things to say. There’s a little too much mini-feature stuff and not enough injury status, but I’m hard-core when it comes to analysis, so that might just be me.

At two hours before kickoff the show continues with more serious breakdowns. This morning offering is trying to split the difference between the fun of FOX and the info of ESPN. They don’t quite pull it off, but it’s a thorough look at the upcoming day in the NFL. Since I watch Total Access all week long, I don’t hear enough new information on this show, so I watch ESPN instead. But if you’ve missed Total Access, this is an excellent option.

Highlights

NFL Gameday Highlights – The NFL Network wins this one by virtue of thoroughness; these guys have been on the air all day analyzing each game as it’s being played so they are ready to rock at 7:30PM Eastern Sundays.

Football Night in America – NBC at 7PM Eastern before Sunday Night Football. Cris Collinsworth is the unquestioned ace on the air when Bill Parcells is busy on the field or in the front office. Even with Parcells back in broadcasting, Cris is still by FAR the best live game analyst working (although Mayock is climbing the charts.)

Now that Cris is in the booth, studio analysis is in the hands of odd couple Tony Dungy and Rodney Harrison. How NBC ended up pairing an arguably dirty player with an arguably saintly coach is a mystery, but I love it when Rodney gets Tony riled up.

Of course, you have to have watched Dungy for the last 10 years to recognize what “riled up” looks like. The best information on the show comes from always-worth-listening-to Peter King. Personally, I wish the earth would swallow pugnacious Bob Kostas and pedantic Dan Patrick, but I use their segments as refrigerator runs.

NFL Primetime – ESPN 2PM Eastern before Monday NFL Countdown. The series was revamped and improved considerably last year. The analysis has more style and humanity than the NFL Network version, and it moves right along for a zippy look at all the games. 

Berman and Jackson have been replaced by host Trey Wingo, Coach Ditka, feisty former “factor back” Merril Hoge and always eye-pleasing Mark Schlereth. Again, there’s nothing as good as a coach’s input, and Ditka does it with a bluntness that is so funny it could be standup. 

Hoge has been an analyst so long he is practically a coach so his comments are fearlessly excellent, and articulate Schlereth brings a league-wide perspective that appeals to the Big Picture fan. This show also airs on Tuesday mornings to include the Monday night game—something that the NFL Network doesn’t do. Plus, there is at least one musical montage of great plays from the weekend that is a must-see for true fans.

Monday NFL Countdown – only on ESPN so try not to miss it. Unless, like, you have a job or something. An hour-and-a-half before MNF, it is a little highlight recap of Sunday’s action and a very thorough breakdown of what is usually a high-profile, competitive game with a lot of players worth talking about. 

Keyshawn Johnson and Bill Parcells are hysterical together. Coach Parcells has the driest sense of humor in the football universe—but do not miss a word, because he is ALWAYS right.

Inside the NFL – Beginning Wednesday nights at 10PM Eastern on Showtime and re-aired until Saturday. I will never understand HBO canceling this series after decades of success. But thank goodness for Showtime. The only survivor of the HBO “cast” is the aforementioned Cris Collinsworth. 

Anchored by James Brown, the other analysts are Warren Sapp and Phil Simms. Despite Brown’s total inability to reign in the aggressive and long-winded Simms, this show is a spirited discussion mixed with highlights. Simms and Collinsworth apparently can’t stand each other and it shows, but they balance out, and it’s one of the better ways to recap the previous week and prepare for upcoming Sunday action. 

It’s not as good as the original, which concentrated on highlights and picks but still features the NFL films version of the highlights—and you can’t miss that voice and those long lens shots. So tune in and prepare to be dazzled by slo-mo athletic feats set to classical music.

I only pray that the producers stick to last year’s playoff format and lose the ridiculous human-interest pieces and forced comedy openings they foisted upon us in the regular season. It was so obnoxious that I almost stopped watching. And I’ve been tuning in for at least 12 years. Instead, I refused to watch the show live and simply fast-forwarded to the football talk.

Analysis – This section is only for the very serious football fan. Both of these series use coaches’ tape and X & O jargon as they delve into specific game matchups, offensive and defensive schemes and football fundamentals. I wouldn’t miss them for the world, but they’re not for everyone.

NFL Matchup – Why they’ve moved this show to 7:30AM Eastern Time on Sundays is frankly beyond me. It is must-see TV for those of us who think WAY too much about football. Thank heavens you can record it! 

Merril Hoge and Ron Jaworski exchange verbal thrusts as they dissect (there’s really no other word for it) an upcoming game or two. Whatever you do, don’t put money on Ron Jaworski’s picks—in QB fashion, he tends to seriously over think the situation.

Playbook AFC and Playbook NFC – Starting Fridays at various times on the NFL Network. I have to say that if these were the ONLY two shows on the NFL Network, I still would have switched to Direct TV. 

I am in heaven as Sterling Sharpe, Brian Baldinger, Theisman, Solomon Wilcott and coach Brian Billick navigate blitz packages and personnel, offensive tendencies, schemes and player to player matchups during a full hour dedicated to each conference. 

Recently, they’ve added whiteboard demos and tape sessions with current players and coaches —fantastic! I must confess that I’ve never liked Billick as a coach, but his teaching segments on various aspects of the current game are incredibly clear and informative. 

However, Baldinger, dude—you have GOT to do something about that right pinkie; it sticks out at entirely the wrong angle and is very distracting. We get it, you were a tough SOB out there on the field. But I’m cringing every time you start talking with your hands. Surgery or pull a Ronnie Lott. I'm begging you.

So go get your remote and start programming your DVR – football immersion is only a click away!