Characters, Quirks, and 25 Pound Ring Girls: 34 Reasons I Miss PRIDE (Part Two)

Before we begin part two, allow me to apologize for not posting it this weekend as advertised. My computer and I didn’t get along so well this weekend, as the conflict culminated in me threatening to throw it off of a 10th-floor terrace. Nevertheless. I give you part two.

10) The opening

Nothing got me in the mood for fighting quite like a live orchestra playing an epic, catchy theme as pyrotechnics and special effects were flaunted. Certainly a far cry from “THIS IS THE ULTIMATE!!!”

(Damn, that’s two unprovoked shots at the UFC. This is harder than I thought.)

11) Quadros & Bas

These two are easily my favorite MMA announcers of all time, with Frank Mir coming in a distant third. The fact that they were teamed up, in my opinion, made them the best as well.

The Fight Professor had an uncanny knack for calling the action in laymen’s terms, while El Guapo’s analysis was always on point. More importantly, these guys LIKED each other. You could tell. It was always more fun with these two around. Question for anyone reading: why exactly was Quadros fired?

12) Quadros bickering with Eddie Bravo

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, these guys couldn’t stand each other. Revisit PRIDE 10 and 11 sometime; you can cut the tension with a knife. I remember when it reached a tipping point during the Vovchanchyn-Inoue fight, as Quadros openly started arguing an indefensible position just for the hell of it, leading to this exchange (the exact words I can’t remember, so please correct me if need be):

Eddie: Enson is taking a beating.

Quadros: Not a lot of those punches are landing flush.

Eddie: *clearly perturbed* Actually, Steve, he’s landed flush about 50 times.

Quadros: *coldly, considering strangling him with his headset cord* We’ll see.

Me: Wow, somebody is sleeping on the sofa tonight.

You just know Stephen called the producers afterward and vented.

“Look, you guys have GOT to make a change. I am DYING out there. Throw me a freaking bone!!”

13) The checks

These monstrosities were the Stanley Cups of fighter payouts. They looked like they weighed 15-20 pounds, which doesn’t sound like a lot until you remember that guys were often holding them up after 20 grueling minutes of combat.

14) The refs

“Alex, give up? Give up? Give up? Give up? Give up?” Imagine these guys as paramedics:

Man: *overdosing on drugs, drifting in and out of consciousness* Errrrrllllaaaaaqwoouuggghhh.

Yuji Shimada: *standing over him and pointing* Give up? Give up? Give up? Give up? Give up?

15) Zuluzinho vs. Eric “Butterbean” Esch

“The Godfather” of freak show fights. This will never be topped. Repeat: this will NEVER be topped. It was like watching King Kong fight the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man.When PRIDE did their first show in the States, the Nevada Athletic Commission wouldn’t even approve Kazuyuki Fujita vs. Wes Sims. In Japan, Zulu vs. The Bean was green-lighted faster than you can say “cholesterol intake”.

16) Fedor’s run

Although I can’t wait for his next inevitable historical run of beatdowns in whatever promotion he ends up with, he didn’t do too bad in PRIDE. He beat Zulu, Ogawa, Goodridge, Kohsaka, Randleman, Schilt, Herring, Fujita, Hunt, Cro Cop, Coleman twice, and Nogueira twice. It was a fun ride.

17) The tournaments

The Grand Prix in 2000 was groundbreaking at the time. 2003 through 2006 produced great tourneys each year. Can you imagine a UFC tourney? My goodness. Unfortunately, Frank Shamrock and Dana White will get an apartment together before the NSAC or CSAC approves a tournament.

Part three later this week. Yes, we can!