WWE: The Worst Hair in History

I said mom and dad why can't I be who I wanna be?! I am my hair.

That Lady gaga song fits so perfectly right now it's not funny.

I've been travelling back and forth in time again and I came across a very comment specimen in the years that past.

That ancient creature I'd like to call "The Hair." It literally had a life of its own, I swear!

Over the years, this organism has possessed many beings on earth but one in particular seemed to house it so well.

The pro wrestler.

Tragic I say. So many have fallen to the power of "The Hair." I cannot be harmed, it cannot be stopped! 

Watch this and tremble.

The only remedy: the purity of oblivion!

Honky Tonk Man

Elvis has left the building and has been replaced by this man...and to think, he is the greatest Intercontinental champion of all time!

Who would have thought?

The Glamour Girls

G..L..A..M......O..R..OUS yeah!

Flying first class...up in the sky? Yeah right!

Judy Martin and Leilani Kai sported the hairdo that many, many women, including...mother thought was in!

Boy were they wrong!

Judy Martin

...in case you're not entirely convinced...here you go!

Cashier: Would you like a bag sir?

Me: Yes please! Double bag it!

Kent and Keith Cole

Wonder Twins Power...Activate!

or is it...

Palom and Porom from Final Fantasy IV?

Hey Bellas! I would love to introduce to you some really cute men. You four would really hit it off.

Horrible hair...just horrible!

Sam Houston

I remember this guy from the late 80s.

He was a not so up-and-coming wrestler who occasionally spoke in the "Wrestlers Rebuttal" column of the old WWF Magazines.

There was that and the one match I watched him wrestle in back then...that was pretty much it for Sam Houston.

What the hell was up with that whole get-up? Did you really think you'd ever win some gold like that?

The most hilarious part is, I still remember this man!

Why did we think the 80's were so great? Bad hair everywhere!

Wait a sec...those were my young years...they were awesome!

Barry Windham

I can just imagine a scene in Sex and the City between Carrie and Samantha...

Samantha Jones: He posed for pictures like that?

Carrie Bradshaw: Yes, but only temporary.

Samantha: Not sexy honey! Dump him immediately...here, use my cell phone.

Carrie: Only to get enough money so he can have his own place!

Samantha: Still not sexy! (Opens phone to dial number) I'll do it...What's his number?

This is the uncle of Husky Harris.......and to think, neither of them are on WWE television right now.

Enough said!

Rockin' Robin

Here is the former WWE Women's Champion Rockin' Robin in her glory days. She left WWE and the title was deactivated until 1993.

I remember an aunt or cousin or friend wearing that look at the pool.

The ladies all sported the big hair to go with their big shoulder pads and ton of make-up...It was like Cirque du Soleil every day...yay!

One positive thing can be said about the Divas back then, they weren't all plastic versions of themselves.

These were real female wrestlers with talent...unlike those damned Bellas whom I still have to watch come Money In The Bank in three weeks...sigh!

Still...Robin, that hairdo...big no-no! 

Shane Douglas

Hey isn't that my cousin?

I remember some of my family members with that hair cut...with a mustache!

Here in French Canada we call that "La coupe Longueuil" or "Une coupe de BS." Very bad to look at this right now...going blind.

For being a great wrestler I cannot take that away from Shane Douglas but to sum his hairdo up in one word: Yarkuloi!

Didn't he last a hell of a long time in one Royal Rumble once? I guess people were too afraid to approach him in order to toss him over.

Afa and Sika

What the...???

This could easily be either HORRIBLE or simply..COOL!

I don't know but I am just amazed that was part of the old WWF...funny how that now stands for "World Wildlife Fund."

We may laugh at this all we want in good humor but the fro is always cool!

I can't wait to show this to all my "brother" friends and get their opinion...they are so going to say it is the hottest thing ever.

Melissa and Gina...this one's for you.

Koko B. Ware

Another escapee from the circus.

Not only was he one of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen but he also had one of the most ridiculous costumes and hairdo ever!

What's up with that parrot?? Frankie...come on! 

No really, I am a huge animal lover and protector but Koko... (suddenly it's silent...)

HE DYED HIS HAIR BLUE AND YELLOW!!!!!

Even thought I don't know him or if he was a cheater in life or not...ladies, I'm doing you a huge favor now and send him straight to the island of lost men.

There IS not return!

Hall of Famer...love the humor.

Rikishi

About those Samoans....

Wait not this picture!

Rikishi

There, that's better!

Yeah about those Samoans. I know the 90s had that craze about bleaching your hair and stuff but please!

Aren't hairdressers competent enough to tell a big guy like that it wasn't nice on him to do so?

I know, I know, he had that kinda surfer I-am-part-of-Too-Cool gimmick going on with the shades and the fancy dance moves.

The Monday night wars were won because of shenanigans like this.

As I pause and stare at this picture for a second here, all I can say is: Why Rikishi why?

Poor Usos...I bet they were often involved in school fights.

Then again, my daddy wasn't on live TV every week making tons of money. 

Umaga

Imagine this scene...

You're a woman, you wake up after what felt like a million years of sleep, all refreshed and you turn to the side and see this!

Enter scream here.

The story end here because your soul has just left your body.

Umaga was a ferocious adversary. A multi-time Intercontinental Champion with a bad case of hair whether it was flowing like a princess or braded up.

No wonder he always made those nasty faces. I would too.

Bertha Faye

Aww look mommy, she put flowers in her hair.

It doesn't matter Bertha...It was still horrible!

Evil Sailor Moon.

That's what I'll call her.

That enough about her...next!

Greg Valentine

Has this guy been wearing the same head for over 40 years!?

The last time I watched him was on an interview where he talked about his legendary feud with Tito Santana.

He still had this cut!

There was a time during his pairing with Honky Tonk Man as the "Rhythm and Blues" he dyed his hair jet black...I thought it was a dream.

It was true. He did change. Only for a little while.

Talk about stuck in a period of time. I would be so depressed if I had the SAME hair every day of every year of my life.

Enter Debbie Downer sound effect here: Wouah Wouah :(

Bull Nakano

Amazing wrestler? Yes.

Seriously, Bull girl, Pro-wrestling is not like watching "Akira!!"

Ah! those Japanese and their mangas. She must have been the evil Kami of despair and utter darkness for this picture.

The Evil queen from the black mirror. Grr! Arrgh!

That's my impression of what she must be feeling.

I can hardly believe WWE gave her a Women's title run much less her becoming a pro golfer.

She was fired from the company after being caught with cocaine.

To have hair like that, she must really have been using a lot.

Cocaine...the big lie.

The Red Rooster

Terry Taylor a.k.a the Red Lobster err Rooster!

Didn't he also do some sort of chicken dance in the ring?

Wouach!!

That is one of the most ridiculous gimmick I have ever seen! I may have repeated myself here but this guy was too much.

What was he thinking? Red Rooster? Really? Really?!

Miz...please help me out here. Let's destroy this one together.

The Powers of Pain

The Warlord and the Barbarian were an amazing tag team in the 80s.

Too bad the costume required such a stupid cut. How did they parade in town after a show out of character?

They must have worn hats...and been single until it all grew back in right?

I don't know what is uglier. The Hair on the head or those awful beards? You decide. I guess they were modeled after the next people to appear here.

Powers of Pain...I'm in pain just looking at you. Take a trip down to "I Beweave" cuz Shocantelle Brown sure can take care of you.

Okurr?

The Road Warriors

Hawk and Animal...tag team legends.

Not for their choice of doos though.

I can just imagine Hawk looking at himself in the mirror after the cut was finished and saying "What a rush!"

There was even a friend of mine back in 1990 who wanted to have Animal's style...was he on crack or something?

I'm glad we straightened him out.

They were idolized by many and because of them we got the Powers of Pain and Demolition.

Could hair be the secret to tag team success? WWE tag teams...pay attention!

Horrible, nasty and tasteless hair styles...that's the way...go go go!

Ric Flair

The bleached blond hair.

How many of us have a mother or a father that paraded around wearing this head?

Love the brown eye brows-blond hair look! So classy. All that's missing is a mustache and you'd fit into a 70's-80's porn flick.

Despite this being a scary doo, it didn't prevent the Nature Boy from winning championships and netting tons of women.

All I can think of when I look at this picture is it makes Flair appear non-masculine. Of course I would tell him if I met him...you doubt me?

Ric Flair

I just needed to confirm something...Yes Ric, you definitely belong on this list.

The Moondogs

I almost lost my entire dinner with this one.

Rex and Spot may have been a great tag team but they look like sheep, goat and human crossbreeds.

Ack! They look so dirty and smelly. Totally nasty.

When was the last time they took a bath? 

Sting

Another accident with the bleach.

Sting has natural dark hair and looks pretty good I'd say...what was he thinking here?

Did he have a little tail in the back of his head too?

Here he is with RoboCop no less! As if John SuperCena wasn't bad enough.

Sting pointing at us in this picture probably means "Hey...don't you say anything about my hair!"

After that whole NWO story, he decided to turn to the dark side and has remained there ever since...a wise decision.

It is best to forget about the 80s and early 90s...Too painful.

The Steiners

Scott Steiner now known as "Big Poppa Pump" is another case of the "BS" hair style I mentioned earlier.

BS stands for Bien Être Social...french for being on Wellfare. Not the unfortunate ones that are sick and cannot help it but for the other ones...the parasites that feed off society, the ones we all despise.

The mullet...so ugly a cut. Who invented that?

As for Rick Steiner...the only thing missing beside him is Sherry Lewis and a guitar. He can play "Lambchop" and we could all sing along a little tune.

He looks like a sheep!

At least they were a great team.

Loved em!

The Undertaker

This dates back to Survivor Series 1991 and the debut of the deadman, The Undertaker.

When I think about him now, he is just so awesome. He is a real legend but back in the days...ouf!

A red-head with a mullet! I can't help myself and laugh very loud.

Michelle McCool must tease the pants off of him with this. Lucky guy. She is so hot!

Oh! He is a phenom alright. This is enough to scare me to death.

Shawn Michaels

The Heartbreak Kid and his famous 90s style.

Even Triple H mentioned his hair style during the induction ceremony.

It's true that nobody else could pull it off as well as HBK. I just love to look back on all the classic footage with Michaels acting all cocky and arrogant...with this head.

What a brave man.

He had the chest hair to match as well. When everyone one else was waxin' and taxin', this guy was going bear.

I wonder sometimes if part of his gimmick back then was to make people question whether he was straight, bi or gay...

He did have the clothes to match and it drove Bret Hart insane. 

Triple H

Speaking of "The Game"...I used to love his blue blood gimmick. The Kneeling and classic music playing in the background...so funny.

I had to put him in here just for us to compare then and now. What a total culture shock.

The disdain he must be feeling here...something smells and I think it would have to be his greased-up goldly locks.

A 13 time world champion and prince-consort to the entire McMahon empire...imagine that!

What do you think Triple H stands for after all: Hunter Hearst Helmsley, the aristocrat of the WWE.

The Ultimate Warrior

This WWE legend has had a short but amazing career in the ring. He took us all by storm and then vanished.

I absolutely loved this character but I really hated what he did with his hair. It it wasn't permed one day it would end up like this.

Let's not start up on his arms...I feel sick already.

What do you think is in there to hold it up like that? Mousse? Spray?

How many layers of ozone did planet Earth lose in the process?

Not a great call Warrior. I would have gorilla-pressed and big splashed my hair stylist when I'd realize what he'd done to my coiffe.

The Rock

OH.....MY.....GOD!

Admit it! That is what you were all thinking.

Yes it IS The Rock...in alter-ego form, Rocky Maivia.

That gimmick didn't work so he was repackaged into the extragalactic superstar we know and love today, give or take some adjustments.

Look at "The Hair"...what has it evolved into?

Whats is that on you head Rock? You must have seriously been dealing with a bad case of judgement.

Keep flashing those pearly white Dwayne...in 1997 it was the best feature of your character. 

The Rock

I needed to show THIS Rock picture too...He was just too much.

Those look so...pubic!

Rocky Rocky Rocky!

No, I DO NOT smell what you were cooking but I can definitely smell what you must have been smokin'.

The Freebirds

The worst of the worst...Period!

Witness the full evolution of the creature known as "The Hair."

It not only spreads and attaches to other lifeforms but covers their whole body sometimes.

The greatest avatar of "The Hair" has to be Michael Hayes. It was so impressive I had to have them as my slide cover photo.

What a true porn legend he was.

He was in a tag team you say? Really? Oh yeah! That's right.

Who are the other two Jabronis and their fabulous hair cuts. Oh! Ok..they were from Badstreet, USA...riiight. (Doctor Evil Style)

What woman in her right mind could ever sleep with hairballs like those? Explain this to me girls.

Freebirds...you deserve to be kings of my list. You must of had the worst hair of all time.

Congratulations.

I'm done here...I cannot watch anymore...I'll go blind.

The Miz

THIS is my favorite superstar?

Yes...really!

The Miz may look great now but during his reality years he went around like this.

No Miz........NO!

I cannot help but laugh at him right now. 

The most must-see WWE champion in history a blond?!

Quick!...hide this now.

We Must Exile "The Hair"

An honorable mention to:

Rick Rude, Hulk Hogan, Lou Albano, Sensational Sherri and many others.

I could easily have gone to 40 people on this one but I was running out of time.

There must be a cure for bad hair.

I am glad I don't have any of my own picture on this computer because I would of had to share that here in order to show I hold not hatred for the guests on this list.

Aren't we glad trends come and go like the wind.

What are the 2030 people going to think of us and our style once they peak through magazines and video footage.

How will "The Hair" have evolved by then? I just hope we don't all end up with a Bull Nakano hairdo.

I'll have to start wearing hats.