Ron Artest Will Become Metta World Peace Unless We Stop Him

Ron Artest Has World Peace in Mind, But You're Free to Object

It won't be long now before Ron Artest is gone. In his place will be Metta World Peace.

As much as I would love to kid myself by thinking I just sent people scrambling for scouting reports on this new kid with the funky name, my guess is that most people have already heard the news. The truth is that the Los Angeles Lakers are not bringing in a new small forward. Artest merely wants to change his name. For some reason, he settled on "Metta World Peace."

Well, if he insists.

According to TMZ, Artest has a hearing scheduled for August 26, during which he will pitch his case for his new name to a Los Angeles judge. There's not a damn thing you can do to stop him.

Wait, check that. There is a damn thing you can do to stop him. In fact, the general public is the only thing standing in Metta World Peace's way. As TMZ tells the story, anybody that wants to challenge Artest's name change can object to it in writing. Those who would do so have until two days before the hearing.

So there you have it. If you are not in favor of Metta World Peace, put away your sword and grab a pen. You have until August 24 to hand over your modest proposal against Artest's new handle.

But here's a question: why on earth would you?

Listen, we all know Artest is, ahem, eccentric. And all things considered, changing his name to Metta World Peace ranks pretty highly on his all-too-long list of exploits (not quite as high as leaping into the stands). However, I for one can't imagine why anybody would actually go so far as to try and bar Metta World Peace from becoming a reality.

Think about it. The NBA is about to be graced with a player running around in a jersey that says "Peace" on it. In terms of freak shows, this is going to be a pretty positive one. Far more positive, of course, than the freak show that Artest already is.

So go ahead. Declare war on Metta World Peace. If you do, may you never find peace.