What-If Sports: Where Passion Meets Addiction

"Hi, my name is Danny Bayliss. I am a W.I.S. addict."

Hey Danny.

I'm pretty certain the above dialogue has conjured up some confusion. You're on the right track if you get the gist of conversation. The correct answer is a help group like A.A. I am the speaker, and you are my fellow sympathizers.

If you know I'm talking about WhatIf Sports, allow me to remind you of its Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personalities:

When I first learned of WhatIf Sports (we'll call it WIS and save me the carpal tunnel) I thanked the high heavens for answering my prayer. With all due respect to NFL Head Coach '09, there's finally a porthole to my aspirations of coaching a sport.

Through the advice of a dear friend and fellow Weekend Warrior, I quickly learned the tricks of the trade.

Created in our own Queen City, WIS is "your sports simulation destination." The site appeals to the nostalgics; a big feature of the site involves the reproduction of a past sporting event, i.e. the 2006 Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl winners. People can alter depth charts, location, etc.

Hence the WhatIf.

While the temptation to pit any two teams against each other kills my curiosity, I'd rather not waste my time.

I'd rather waste my money.

Yes, I chose to partake in WIS' Gridiron Dynasty. One of four sports where the customer is takes the reigns of a program, GD gives you the challenge of a college football head coach. Recruiting, game-planning, scheduling, filling out the depth chart and more are all under your control.

Yep...the whole nine yards (I'll be here all night).

I just described a fantasy of mine. Yes, it's fulfilled via simulation. But nonetheless, I'll eventually work my way up from D-III to coach at Ohio State. I don't wear vests and I don't let No. 2 take proverbial dumps (No. 2...dumps?) on my program, so I'll have to start my own tradition and try to fit in.

Sounds like fun, doesn't it? Too good to be true? Of course.

Remember when I said I was wasting money? I wasn't lying.

The price of $10.95 per season adds up fast, especially since a season is a month. Some players have been going 30 seasons strong. Include the fact that there are multiple worlds, so multiple teams can be owned for and paid for at the same time. No need to do the math. You'd only wonder why anyone would pay so much for a simulation.

"I used to own five teams at a time, and I had them all for multiple seasons."

My therapy session continues. I grew so attached to GD that I could not stand the few days out of each season where nothing really happens. I used to skim through my seasons on NCAA Football '11 so I could skip to recruiting: signs of OCD or a complex sports guru. I started with the University of Chicago, and quickly added Wisconsin-La Crosse, Waynesburg, New Jersey, and Kenyon.

Move over Urban Meyer, there's a new hot commodity in town.

It's not like I'm horrible at WIS. Not at all, actually. My players improve by leaps and bounds, and most, if not all, had won conference championships. There is a bit of retribution in this game, and winning is the catalyst. Points are added up for how deep a team ventures into the playoffs, and those points can slowly be turned into money. Money for free WIS.

But it's all a scam. I noticed this too late. I'm not proud that I wasted money over something so juvenile. I couldn't help it; it enticed me on so many levels. The game is so accurate. Sure, a computer cannot include every minute facet of a sport, but it's damn close. WIS is as crafty as it is realistic.

But then I tell myself that this is the same program that named one tight end "Neander Thal." And that's how I felt after reading the bill. Stuck in the Stone Age, with no clue that my money was just taken from me without any tangible product.

Unless I one day actually stand at a college football podium, I have been duped out of many paychecks.

It has gotten better. I'm down to four teams, and soon two. I can't imagine excluding WIS from my life. I'd like to get down to one team. I still enjoy being the Ole' Ball Coach, but I think I'd like it better if I could find something better to occupy my time.

Maybe this blog was a good idea after all. I now have a clear conscience.

Thanks, Danny.