Prince, Pie and Pimentel: The 50 Funniest Names in Major League Baseball
From Rusty Kuntz and Dick Pole to Randy Johnson and Wonderful Monds, baseball has had a knack for providing us with funny names.
With fantasy baseball season approaching, it's integral for owners to think of a funny team name, and those best team names often stem from actual players.
I've attempted to compile the 50 funniest, ironic, awesome and just random player names of 2011. Enjoy.
50) Prince Fielder
His first name is funny. It's Prince. Who names their kid Prince?
His second name is ironic because he's a fielder over there at first base.
I swear it gets better than this.
49) Jorge Cantu
ESPN has sort of killed this one with the endless references, but the one liner that comes along with this names makes it pretty good.
Theres no way he can do this. Just no way. Can not.
48) Marcus Thames
You could always go with Thames' Flames for your fantasy team name.
You know, if you want to go the corny rhyming route.
47) Shelley Duncan
Girl's name, man's swing.
46) David DeJesus
His name means "Of Jesus."
Can't get much better than that.
45) Albert Pujols
Just for the fact that on his ESPN page, it has the pronunciation as "POO-holes."
44) Arcenio Leon
Kind of like Arsenio Hall, but with another first name added on there on the end. Just an odd name, really.
43) Josh Outman
He's here for the irony. There's no way that after every strikeout he doesn't yell, "out, man!"
42) Clete Thomas
It's Clete, the slack-jawed yokel.
41) Jair Jurrjens
I'm pretty sure Eminem has a line about Jurrjens in "The Real Slim Shady."
40) Hunter Pence
It's funny to me that you can say, "how much is Pence worth?"
-"Eh, about two cents."
Ok, not my best.
39) Moises Sierra
It's like if Moises Alou and Ruben Sierra combined to form a super player.
38) Drew Stubbs
Stubbs is a pretty funny name, especially for someone who is as fast as Drew.
37) Delwyn and Delmon Young
These names are ridiculously close, but the players aren't even related.
It's like if there was someone named Icheri Suzuki.
36) Jason Castro/Travis Ishikawa
Have first names ever gone with last names any worse?
35) Fernando Salas
Salas makes the list because his name is the same forwards as backwards. Awesome.
If only his first name was racecar.
34) Milton Bradley
I'm kind of wondering who has made more money over their lifetime, Milton Bradley the player or Milton Bradley the Company. Funny name, nonetheless.
33) Carlos Santana
His name is Carlos Santana. Do I really need to explain how awesome that is?
I just wonder if his girlfriend's name is Maria Maria.
32) Felix Pie
31) Chone Figgins
He's Bad to the Chone.
What? It's pronounced is Sean? Oh well.
30) Ryan Spilborghs
It's funny for the fact his last name is part "spill" and part "cyborg." It's like he's a machine, but he still is clumsy at times and spills things.
If that doesn't sound like a terrific sitcom, I don't know what does.
29) Phil Coke
Part of the humor lies in the picture, as there is an odd similarity between him and Eastbound and Down's Kenny Powers. And then his last name is coke? Too easy.
28) Drew Naylor
Names that end in -er are always prime for the 'Naylor? I barely knew her!' jokes.
Doug Fister was an honorable mention for this spot.
27) Grant Balfour
This starts the run of perfect baseball names.
Being a pitcher and having the last name "ball four" can't be good.
26) Mike Minor
Oddly enough, he was able to make it up to the majors last year. Maybe he should change his name.
25) Thomas Diamond
As far as the best baseball-related names go, I think it's a tie between Diamond and this next guy...
24) Anthony Slama
I was gonna make some joke about hitting lots of grand slamas until I realized he was a pitcher.
Well, hopefully he doesn't give up a lot of grand slamas.
Even with my terrible jokes, he's got a great baseball name.
23) Jarrod Saltalamacchia
That Angelina Jolie film was actually short for Saltalamacchia. Betchya didn't know that.
Also, has any other 14-letter name rolled off the tongue as well as Saltalamacchia? Terrific.
22) Brandon Beachy
"Brandon, I realize you gave up three homers today, but you don't need to act so beachy."
Or, if you want to go a different route with Brandon's name, "Hmm, what do I want to do today? It feels like a beachy day to me."
Wordplay at its finest.
21) Lance Broadway
It would be at least four times better if his name was Broadway Lance, but it's still a cool name.
20) Marlon Byrd
Not many people get to have two animals in their name.
I think I would choose Shark Elephant.
19) Blake Hawksworth
You know the scene from Mighty Ducks when Gordon Bombay starts quacking at Mr. Ducksworth? "Thank you very much Mr. Ducksworth. Quack quack quack Mr. Ducksworth."
Caaa caaa Mr. Hawksworth. Caa caaaa. Almost as good.
18) Juan Jamie
I'm pretty sure that a picture of Juan Jamie doesn't exist, so I used one of Jose Contreras. Just because.
Anyways, the humor in this name is in the pronunciation. You have to pronounce it Juan "hi-meh," possibly in the Inigo Montoya voice from Princess Bride.
17) Diory Hernandez
If I was friends with Hernandez, I would e-mail him at least five times a day and start every single one with:
Today, I feel...
16) Will Rhymes
Coincidentally, this is what Will Smith went by during his rapping days. Or at least he should have.
15) Jordany Valdespin
Does it not seem like his name is a combination between Jordan Valdez and Bethany Aspin.
Okay, I made those names up, but his name seems like some sort of combination of many names. Thinking of those names is the fun of it.
14) Trystan Magnuson
Would you ever want to get in a fight with someone named Trystan Magnuson? How tough of a name is that?
I am under the belief that anyone who uses a "y" when it should probably be an "i" in their name is probably awesome. That's why I want to change my name to Tym.
13) Julio Borbon
"Hey bartender, I'll have a bourbon. I've got an open tab."
"Sure, what's the name?"
"Got it, but what's the name?"
12) Adron Chambers
Adron Chambers sounds like a place that Harry, Ron and Hermoine had to go through during one of their adventures.
11) Buster Posey
Straight from Urban Dictionary, a buster is defined as someone who does not keep it real. A poser. I find that quite ironic and funny.
Also, I'm a fan of "The Busty Posers" as a team name.
10) Coco Crisp
The picture says it all.
9) Al Alburquerque
I wonder if people call him Al Al.
8) Justin De Fratus
I wonder where this bro pledged in college.
7) Luis Lebron
I hear he's a free agent next winter. Uh oh...
6) Antonio Bastardo
His nickname is "Shawn Kemp's Son."
5) Chorye Spoone
Chorye Spoone is fun to say. As long as it's not pronounced Cory. That would ruin it. The "ch" sound has to be in it.
4) Charlie Furbush
He looks like someone that would be named Charlie Furbush, doesn't he?
3) Trey McNutt
2) Melky Mesa
Melky Mesa. Interesting.
1) Stolmy Pimentel
Stolmy Pimentel. Seriously. I couldn't make that up.