Prince, Pie and Pimentel: The 50 Funniest Names in Major League Baseball

Tim Keeney@@t_keenContributor IMarch 26, 2011

Prince, Pie and Pimentel: The 50 Funniest Names in Major League Baseball

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    BALTIMORE - SEPTEMBER 13:  Luke Scott #30 of the Baltimore Orioles celebrates with Felix Pie #18 after driving in the game winning run in the eleventh inning against the Toronto Blue Jays at Camden Yards on September 13, 2010 in Baltimore, Maryland. The O
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    From Rusty Kuntz and Dick Pole to Randy Johnson and Wonderful Monds, baseball has had a knack for providing us with funny names. 

    With fantasy baseball season approaching, it's integral for owners to think of a funny team name, and those best team names often stem from actual players.

    I've attempted to compile the 50 funniest, ironic, awesome and just random player names of 2011. Enjoy. 

50) Prince Fielder

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    PHOENIX, AZ - MARCH 17: Prince Fielder #28 of the Milwaukee Brewers hits a basehit against pitcher Edwin Jackson #33 of the Chicago White Sox during the first inning of the spring training game at Maryvale Baseball Park on March 17, 2011 in Phoenix, Arizo
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    His first name is funny. It's Prince. Who names their kid Prince?

    His second name is ironic because he's a fielder over there at first base.

    I swear it gets better than this. 

49) Jorge Cantu

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    PEORIA, AZ - MARCH 06:  Jorge Cantu #32 of the San Diego Padres warms up on deck during the spring training game against the Oakland Athletics at Peoria Stadium on March 6, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
    Christian Petersen/Getty Images

    ESPN has sort of killed this one with the endless references, but the one liner that comes along with this names makes it pretty good.

    Theres no way he can do this. Just no way. Can not.

    -Cantu.


48) Marcus Thames

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    PHOENIX, AZ - FEBRUARY 27:  Marcus Thames #33 of the Los Angeles Dodgers smiles as he leaves the field during spring training at Camelback Ranch on February 27, 2011 in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
    Harry How/Getty Images

    You could always go with Thames' Flames for your fantasy team name.

    You know, if you want to go the corny rhyming route. 

47) Shelley Duncan

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    GOODYEAR, AZ - FEBRUARY 22: Shelley Duncan #47 of the Cleveland Indians poses during their photo day at the Cleveland Indians Spring Training Complex on February 22, 2011 in Goodyear, Arizona. (Photo by Rob Tringali/Getty Images)
    Rob Tringali/Getty Images

    Girl's name, man's swing. 

46) David DeJesus

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    PHOENIX, AZ - FEBRUARY 24:  David DeJesus #12 of the Oakland Athletics poses for a portrait during media photo day at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on February 24, 2011 in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    His name means "Of Jesus." 

    Can't get much better than that.

45) Albert Pujols

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    JUPITER, FL - MARCH 06:  First baseman Albert Pujols #5 of the St. Louis Cardinals plays against the Florida Marlins at Roger Dean Stadium on March 6, 2011 in Jupiter, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    Just for the fact that on his ESPN page, it has the pronunciation as "POO-holes."

44) Arcenio Leon

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    KISSIMMEE, FL - FEBRUARY 24:  Arcenio Leon #65 of the Houston Astros poses for a portrait during Spring Training photo Day at Osceola County Stadium  on February 24, 2011 in Kissimmee, Florida.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    Kind of like Arsenio Hall, but with another first name added on there on the end. Just an odd name, really.  

43) Josh Outman

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    PEORIA, AZ - MARCH 06:  Starting pitcher Josh Outman #88 of the Oakland Athletics pitches against the San Diego Padres during the spring training game at Peoria Stadium on March 6, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
    Christian Petersen/Getty Images

    He's here for the irony. There's no way that after every strikeout he doesn't yell, "out, man!"

42) Clete Thomas

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    VIERA, FL - MARCH 09:  Outfielder Clete Thomas #34 of the Detroit Tigers follows his hit against the Washington Nationals at Space Coast Stadium on March 9, 2010 in Viera, Florida.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)
    Doug Benc/Getty Images

    It's Clete, the slack-jawed yokel. 

41) Jair Jurrjens

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    PORT ST. LUCIE, FL - FEBRUARY 26:  Pitcher Jair Jurrjens #49 of the Atlanta Braves throws against the New York Mets at Digital Domain Park on February 26, 2011 in Port St. Lucie, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    I'm pretty sure Eminem has a line about Jurrjens in "The Real Slim Shady." 

40) Hunter Pence

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    KISSIMMEE, FL - FEBRUARY 24:  Hunter Pence #9 of the Houston Astros poses for a portrait during Spring Training photo Day at Osceola County Stadium  on February 24, 2011 in Kissimmee, Florida.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    It's funny to me that you can say, "how much is Pence worth?" 

    -"Eh, about two cents."

    Ok, not my best. 

39) Moises Sierra

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    DUNEDIN, FL - FEBRUARY 20:  Moises Sierra #74 of the Toronto Blue Jays poses during photo day at Florida Auto Exchange Stadium on February 20, 2011 in Dunedin, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    It's like if Moises Alou and Ruben Sierra combined to form a super player. 

38) Drew Stubbs

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    GOODYEAR, AZ - MARCH 03:  Drew Stubbs #6 of the Cincinnati Reds runs out of the batters box to first base against the Los Angeles Dodgers at Goodyear Ballpark on March 3, 2011 in Goodyear, Arizona.  (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)
    Norm Hall/Getty Images

    Stubbs is a pretty funny name, especially for someone who is as fast as Drew. 

37) Delwyn and Delmon Young

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    FORT MYERS, FL - FEBRUARY 25:  Outfielder Delmon Young #21 of the Minnesota Twins poses for a photo during photo day at Hammond Stadium on February 25, 2011 in Fort Myers, Florida.  (Photo by J. Meric/Getty Images)
    J. Meric/Getty Images

    These names are ridiculously close, but the players aren't even related.

    It's like if there was someone named Icheri Suzuki.  

36) Jason Castro/Travis Ishikawa

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    KISSIMMEE, FL - FEBRUARY 24:  Jason Castro #15 of the Houston Astros poses for a portrait during Spring Training photo Day at Osceola County Stadium  on February 24, 2011 in Kissimmee, Florida.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    Have first names ever gone with last names any worse?

35) Fernando Salas

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    ST. LOUIS - SEPTEMBER 17: Reliever Fernando Salas #59 of the St. Louis Cardinals pitches against the San Diego Padres at Busch Stadium on September 17, 2010 in St. Louis, Missouri.  The Cardinals beat the Padres 14-4.  (Photo by Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Imag
    Dilip Vishwanat/Getty Images

    Salas makes the list because his name is the same forwards as backwards. Awesome.

    If only his first name was racecar. 

34) Milton Bradley

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    PEORIA, AZ - MARCH 04:  Milton Bradley #15 of the Seattle Mariners bats against the Cincinnati Reds during the spring training game at Peoria Stadium on March 4, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
    Christian Petersen/Getty Images

    I'm kind of wondering who has made more money over their lifetime, Milton Bradley the player or Milton Bradley the Company. Funny name, nonetheless.  

33) Carlos Santana

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    GOODYEAR, AZ - FEBRUARY 22: Carlos Santana #41of the Cleveland Indians poses during their photo day at the Cleveland Indians Spring Training Complex on February 22, 2011 in Goodyear, Arizona. (Photo by Rob Tringali/Getty Images)
    Rob Tringali/Getty Images

    His name is Carlos Santana. Do I really need to explain how awesome that is? 

    I just wonder if his girlfriend's name is Maria Maria. 

32) Felix Pie

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    BALTIMORE - SEPTEMBER 13:  Luke Scott #30 of the Baltimore Orioles celebrates with Felix Pie #18 after driving in the game winning run in the eleventh inning against the Toronto Blue Jays at Camden Yards on September 13, 2010 in Baltimore, Maryland. The O
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Mmmm, pie.

31) Chone Figgins

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    PEORIA, AZ - MARCH 04:  Chone Figgins #9 of the Seattle Mariners runs to first base during the spring training game against the Cincinnati Reds at Peoria Stadium on March 4, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
    Christian Petersen/Getty Images

    He's Bad to the Chone.

    What? It's pronounced is Sean? Oh well. 

30) Ryan Spilborghs

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    SCOTTSDALE, AZ - FEBRUARY 24:  Ryan Spilborghs #19 of the Colorado Rockies poses for a portrait during photo day at the Salt River Fields at Talking Stick on February 24, 2011 in Scottsdale, Arizona.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)
    Harry How/Getty Images

    It's funny for the fact his last name is part "spill" and part "cyborg." It's like he's a machine, but he still is clumsy at times and spills things.

    If that doesn't sound like a terrific sitcom, I don't know what does. 

29) Phil Coke

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    Part of the humor lies in the picture, as there is an odd similarity between him and Eastbound and Down's Kenny Powers. And then his last name is coke? Too easy.

28) Drew Naylor

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    CLEARWATER, FL - FEBRUARY 24:  Pitcher Drew Naylor #64 of the Philadelphia Phillies starts against the Florida State Seminoles February 24, 2011 at Bright House Field in Clearwater, Florida.  (Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images)
    Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

    Names that end in -er are always prime for the 'Naylor? I barely knew her!' jokes.

    Doug Fister was an honorable mention for this spot.

27) Grant Balfour

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    PHOENIX, AZ - FEBRUARY 24:  Grant Balfour #50 of the Oakland Athletics poses for a portrait during media photo day at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on February 24, 2011 in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    This starts the run of perfect baseball names.

    Being a pitcher and having the last name "ball four" can't be good. 

26) Mike Minor

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    ATLANTA - SEPTEMBER 15:  Pitcher Mike Minor #56 of the Atlanta Braves against the Washington Nationals at Turner Field on September 15, 2010 in Atlanta, Georgia.  (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    Oddly enough, he was able to make it up to the majors last year. Maybe he should change his name. 

25) Thomas Diamond

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    MESA, AZ - FEBRUARY 22:  Thomas Diamond #20 of the Chicago Cubs poses for a portrait during media photo day at Finch Park on February 22, 2011 in Mesa, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    As far as the best baseball-related names go, I think it's a tie between Diamond and this next guy...

24) Anthony Slama

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    FT. MYERS, FL - MARCH 01:  Anthony Slama #39 of the Minnesota Twins poses during photo day at Hammond Stadium on March 1, 2010 in Ft. Myers, Florida.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)
    Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

    I was gonna make some joke about hitting lots of grand slamas until I realized he was a pitcher.

    Well, hopefully he doesn't give up a lot of grand slamas.

    Even with my terrible jokes, he's got a great baseball name. 

23) Jarrod Saltalamacchia

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    FORT MYERS, FL - MARCH 14:  Catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia #39 of the Boston Red Sox fouls off a pitch against the New York Yankees during a Grapefruit League Spring Training Game at City of Palms Park on March 14, 2011 in Fort Myers, Florida.  (Photo by J
    J. Meric/Getty Images

    That Angelina Jolie film was actually short for Saltalamacchia. Betchya didn't know that.

    Also, has any other 14-letter name rolled off the tongue as well as Saltalamacchia? Terrific.  

22) Brandon Beachy

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    LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL - FEBRUARY 21: Brandon Beachy #37 of the Atlanta Braves during Photo Day at  Champion Stadium at ESPN Wide World of Sports of Complex on February 21, 2011 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
    Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

    "Brandon, I realize you gave up three homers today, but you don't need to act so beachy." 

    Or, if you want to go a different route with Brandon's name, "Hmm, what do I want to do today? It feels like a beachy day to me."

    Wordplay at its finest.  

21) Lance Broadway

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    DUNEDIN, FL - MARCH 01:  Lance Broadway #36 of the Toronto Blue Jays poses for photos during media day  on March 1, 2010 in Dunedin, Florida.  (Photo by Marc Serota/Getty Images)
    Marc Serota/Getty Images

    It would be at least four times better if his name was Broadway Lance, but it's still a cool name. 

20) Marlon Byrd

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    MESA, AZ - MARCH 09:  Marlon Byrd #24 of the Chicago Cubs runs the bases after hitting a solo home run against the Kansas City Royals in the third inning against during the spring training baseball game at HoHoKam Stadium on March 9, 2011 in Mesa, Arizona
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    Not many people get to have two animals in their name.

    I think I would choose Shark Elephant. 

19) Blake Hawksworth

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    GOODYEAR, AZ - MARCH 03:  Blake Hawksworth #36 of the Los Angeles Dodgers follows through on a pitch against the Cincinnati Reds at Goodyear Ballpark on March 3, 2011 in Goodyear, Arizona.  (Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images)
    Norm Hall/Getty Images

    You know the scene from Mighty Ducks when Gordon Bombay starts quacking at Mr. Ducksworth? "Thank you very much Mr. Ducksworth. Quack quack quack Mr. Ducksworth." 

    Caaa caaa Mr. Hawksworth. Caa caaaa. Almost as good.  

18) Juan Jamie

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    SAN FRANCISCO - OCTOBER 21:  Jose Contreras #52 of the Philadelphia Phillies throws a pitch against the San Francisco Giants in the seventh inning of Game Five of the NLCS during the 2010 MLB Playoffs at AT&T Park on October 21, 2010 in San Francisco, Cal
    Harry How/Getty Images

    I'm pretty sure that a picture of Juan Jamie doesn't exist, so I used one of Jose Contreras. Just because.

    Anyways, the humor in this name is in the pronunciation. You have to pronounce it Juan "hi-meh," possibly in the Inigo Montoya voice from Princess Bride. 

17) Diory Hernandez

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    LAKE BUENA VISTA, FL - FEBRUARY 21: Diory Hernandez #24 of the Atlanta Braves during Photo Day at  Champion Stadium at ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex on February 21, 2011 in Lake Buena Vista, Florida.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
    Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

    If I was friends with Hernandez, I would e-mail him at least five times a day and start every single one with:

    Dear Diory, 

    Today, I feel...

16) Will Rhymes

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    LAKELAND, FL - FEBRUARY 21:  Will Rhymes #28 of the Detroit Tigers poses for a portrait during Photo Day on February 21, 2011  at Joker Marchant Stadium in Lakeland, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    Coincidentally, this is what Will Smith went by during his rapping days. Or at least he should have.

15) Jordany Valdespin

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    PORT ST. LUCIE, FL - FEBRUARY 24:  RY 24:  Jordany Valdespin #63 of the New York Mets poses for a portrait during the New York Mets Photo Day on February 24, 2011 at Digital Domain Park in Port St. Lucie, Florida.  (Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)
    Elsa/Getty Images

    Does it not seem like his name is a combination between Jordan Valdez and Bethany Aspin.

    Okay, I made those names up, but his name seems like some sort of combination of many names. Thinking of those names is the fun of it.  

14) Trystan Magnuson

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    PHOENIX, AZ - FEBRUARY 24:  Trystan Magnuson #64 of the Oakland Athletics poses for a portrait during media photo day at Phoenix Municipal Stadium on February 24, 2011 in Phoenix, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    Would you ever want to get in a fight with someone named Trystan Magnuson? How tough of a name is that?

    I am under the belief that anyone who uses a "y" when it should probably be an "i" in their name is probably awesome. That's why I want to change my name to Tym. 

13) Julio Borbon

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    GLENDALE, AZ - MARCH 15:  Julio Borbon #20 of the Texas Rangers crashes against the center field wall as he chases a two-run triple by Juan Uribe #5 of the Los Angeles Dodgers that scored Ivan DeJesus #65 and Andre Ethier #16 during the thrid inning of th
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    "Hey bartender, I'll have a bourbon. I've got an open tab."

    "Sure, what's the name?"

    "Borbon."

    "Got it, but what's the name?"

    "Borbon..."

12) Adron Chambers

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    JUPITER, FL - FEBRUARY 24: Adron Chambers #57 of the St. Louis Cardinals during Photo Day at Roger Dean Stadium on February 24, 2011 in Jupiter, Florida.  (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)
    Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

    Adron Chambers sounds like a place that Harry, Ron and Hermoine had to go through during one of their adventures. 

11) Buster Posey

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    PEORIA, AZ - MARCH 08:  Buster Posey #28 San Francisco Giants swings at a pitch against the Seattle Mariners during the spring training baseball game against at Peoria Stadium on March 8, 2011 in Peoria, Arizona.  (Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)
    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    Straight from Urban Dictionary, a buster is defined as someone who does not keep it real. A poser. I find that quite ironic and funny.

    Also, I'm a fan of "The Busty Posers" as a team name. 

10) Coco Crisp

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    The picture says it all.

9) Al Alburquerque

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    TUCSON, AZ - FEBRUARY 28:  Al Alburquerque of the Colorado Rockies poses for a photo during Spring Training Media Photo Day at Hi Corbett Field on February 28, 2010 in Tucson, Arizona.  (Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)
    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    I wonder if people call him Al Al. 

8) Justin De Fratus

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    CLEARWATER, FL - FEBRUARY 22:  Justin De Fratus #72 of the Philadelphia Phillies poses for a photo during Spring Training Media Photo Day at Bright House Networks Field on February 22, 2011 in Clearwater, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    I wonder where this bro pledged in college. 

7) Luis Lebron

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    SARASOTA, FL - FEBRUARY 27:  Luis Lebron #64 of the Baltimore Orioles poses for a photo during Spring Training Media Photo Day at Ed Smith Stadium  on February 27, 2010 in Sarasota, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    I hear he's a free agent next winter. Uh oh...

6) Antonio Bastardo

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    CLEARWATER, FL - FEBRUARY 22:  Antonio Bastardo #58 of the Philadelphia Phillies poses for a photo during Spring Training Media Photo Day at Bright House Networks Field on February 22, 2011 in Clearwater, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    His nickname is "Shawn Kemp's Son."

5) Chorye Spoone

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    SARASOTA, FL - FEBRUARY 27:  Chorye Spoone  #62 of the Baltimore Orioles poses for a photo during Spring Training Media Photo Day at Ed Smith Stadium  on February 27, 2010 in Sarasota, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    Chorye Spoone is fun to say. As long as it's not pronounced Cory. That would ruin it. The "ch" sound has to be in it.  

4) Charlie Furbush

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    LAKELAND, FL - FEBRUARY 21:  Charlie Furbush #49 of the Detroit Tigers poses for a portrait during Photo Day on February 21, 2011  at Joker Marchant Stadium in Lakeland, Florida.  (Photo by Nick Laham/Getty Images)
    Nick Laham/Getty Images

    He looks like someone that would be named Charlie Furbush, doesn't he? 

3) Trey McNutt

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    MESA, AZ - FEBRUARY 22:  Trey McNutt #71 of the Chicago Cubs poses for a portrait during media photo day at Finch Park on February 22, 2011 in Mesa, Arizona.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    Yup. 

2) Melky Mesa

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    TAMPA, FL - FEBRUARY 23:  Melky Mesa #77 of the New York Yankees poses for a portrait on Photo Day at George M. Steinbrenner Field on February 23, 2011 in Tampa, Florida.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
    Al Bello/Getty Images

    Melky Mesa. Interesting. 

1) Stolmy Pimentel

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    ANAHEIM, CA - JULY 11:  World Futures All-Star Stolmy Pimentel #45 of the Boston Red Sox throws a pitch during the 2010 XM All-Star Futures Game at Angel Stadium of Anaheim on July 11, 2010 in Anaheim, California.  (Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)
    Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

    Stolmy Pimentel. Seriously. I couldn't make that up.