Kobe Bryant and One Player From Each NBA Team We'd Like To See Get Dunked On
It's the same case with any NBA fan.
You have the players you'll always love, backing them when they're bad, good, ignorant or any other adjective you can think of.
Then you have the players you'll always hate, whether you have a legit reason to or not.
But since you can't actually do anything to your "enemies" in person, the only thing you can hope is that they fall victim to embarrassment on the basketball court.
And the best way for that to happen, of course, is with a good, old-fashioned posterization.
Here are the top 30 NBA players (one from each team) who we'd love to see get dunked on.
30. Drew Gooden (Milwaukee Bucks)
1 of 30
Here's the list of teams that Drew Gooden has played for since entering the NBA in 2002: Magic, Grizzlies, Cavaliers, Bulls, Kings, Spurs, Mavericks, Clippers and Bucks.
I've got a wacky idea for you, Drew.
Stay in one spot every once in a while.
29. David Lee (Golden State Warriors)
2 of 30
Two words describe David Lee: "inflated stats".
He's averaged 9.6 rebounds per game for his career, but look at the two teams he's played for: the New York Knicks and Golden State Warriors.
Lee probably isn't putting up those kind of numbers on 90 percent of the other teams in the league, and that just really bothers me for some reason.
Someone please dunk on this guy so he can be brought back to Earth.
28. Elton Brand (Philadelphia 76ers)
3 of 30
Sure, Elton Brand's having his best season in Philadelphia.
But that isn't saying much, and the guy is robbing the 76ers blind with that ridiculous contract of his.
Brand deserves to be dunked on, if only because he's one of the NBA biggest thieves.
27. O.J. Mayo (Memphis Grizzlies)
4 of 30
O.J. Mayo has two things going for him that you or I will never have.
One, he has all the basketball talent in the world. Two, his name is a combination of a delicious breakfast drink and a delectable condiment.
But Mayo has somehow managed to fall out of favor in Memphis and was even suspended for 10 games earlier this season for violating the NBA's anti-drug program with a positive test.
O.J., you need to get your act together, man.
26. Robin Lopez (Phoenix Suns)
5 of 30
Get a haircut.
Trim your neck hair.
Realize that you'll never be as good as your brother.
That is all.
25. Andrea Bargnani (Toronto Raptors)
6 of 30
How do you play 36.2 minutes per game at center and still average just 5.5 rebounds per game?
I don't know, but Andrea Bargnani does.
The former No. 1 overall pick is softer than Charmin inside the paint.
24. Blake Griffin (Los Angeles Clippers)
7 of 30
Now, Blake Griffin seems like a pretty likable guy, so there's no animosity here.
But payback is a, well, you know. And Griffin's been posterizing people all season long.
He needs to get a taste of his own medicine at some point.
23. Hasheem Thabeet (Houston Rockets)
8 of 30
Why would any team (that's you, Memphis) ever draft Hasheem Thabeet with the No. 2 overall pick?
At the very, very best, this guy will be a halfway decent backup, despite the fact that he's blessed with a 7'3", 263-pound frame.
And Thabeet even has the distinction of being the highest draft pick in NBA history to be sent to the D-League during his rookie season.
He deserves to be dunked on by a third grader.
22. John Wall (Washington Wizards)
9 of 30
I like John Wall, and I'm confident he'll be a very good (if not great) NBA point guard down the road.
But he has accomplished exactly nothing in the NBA, and yet, he has already spawned a national dance craze
If that's going to be the new trend, we might as well give Brian Cardinal one, too.
21. Tyler Hansbrough (Indiana Pacers)
10 of 30
You want to know why I want to see Tyler Hansbrough get dunked on?
I know it's not just me who thinks he's about .5 seconds away from shedding tears.
20. Richard Hamilton (Detroit Pistons)
11 of 30
What year did Richard Hamilton fracture his nose? Like 1984?
I know, it actually happened three separate times during the 2003-04 season, but I'm not sure that mask is still necessary.
I broke my nose in 2000, but you don't see me wearing a mask during pickup games.
And if Hamilton is going to call it his "Superman cape", then maybe he should actually play like Superman.
19. Zaza Pachulia (Atlanta Hawks)
12 of 30
New rule: If you average less than four points and four rebounds per game as a center, then under no circumstances are you ever allowed to talk smack or act like you're a good basketball player.
Well, Zaza Pachulia is putting up 3.9 points and 3.9 rebounds per game this season.
Sorry, Zaza. It looks like you fall into that category.
18. Kevin Love (Minnesota)
13 of 30
Kevin Love has been a man-child this season, plain and simple.
He's played so incredibly well that I honestly can't contemplate how he's kept it up.
But sooner or later, Love's record-breaking double-double streak will end, and I'll be able to think of him as the guy that looks like my mechanic once again.
17. Chris Paul (New Orleans Hornets)
14 of 30
As a Hornets fan, I can see why fans of opposing teams dislike Chris Paul.
He runs his mouth, he complains to the referees, he has a cocky/brash attitude, he has an unhealthy obsession with technical fouls, and, oh yeah, he's pretty damn good, too.'
So, if you can't stand CP3, then watch him try to guard Derrick Rose or Russell Westbrook.
I think they're still eating his lunch as we speak.
16. Stephen Jackson (Charlotte Bobcats)
15 of 30
This is exactly why I want to see Stephen Jackson get posterized.
No, not because it's one of the most idiotic tattoos I've ever seen, but because you never know what you're going to get from a guy who has one of the most idiotic tattoos I've ever seen.
I mean, if Jackson actually decided it would be a good idea to get his body permanently scarred with that tat, then imagine how he'd react if he got dunked on.
My guess is that it would be pretty priceless.
15. Kenyon Martin (Denver Nuggets)
16 of 30
Even if Kenyon Martin was hammered drunk, there's absolutely no excuse for this.
I mean, really? Really? Why? How? Huh?
Then, Martin did the unthinkable by attempting to cover up those hideous lips with...a crown.
News flash, Kenyon: We all still know what it used to be.
14. Joakim Noah (Chicago Bulls)
17 of 30
Three words that describe Joakim Noah: Mosquito. Parasite. Leech.
Seriously, the guy is always there on the basketball court, guarding his opponent like his life depends upon it.
Arms flailing, hands waving, body gyrating, Noah just DOES NOT STOP.
It's awesome if you're a Bulls fan, but absolutely terrible if you're not.
13. Anderson Varejao (Cleveland Cavaliers)
18 of 30
See: Noah, Joakim.
12. Andrei Kirilenko (Utah Jazz)
19 of 30
I'm not even going to justify this one with an explanation.
Just look at Andre Kirilenko and try not to laugh.
11. Dwight Howard (Orlando Magic)
20 of 30
Two things we know about Dwight Howard: He leads the league in technical fouls and dunks, both by pretty wide margins.
So, in layman's terms, D-12 likes to run his motormouth and throw down sick dunks on his opponents.
But something tells me he could benefit from a little role reversal one day.
10. Greg Oden (Portland Trail Blazers)
21 of 30
Yeah, Greg Oden's out for the entire season with what seems like his 4,873rd injury, so maybe he shouldn't count.
But if Oden were to get dunked on, that means the unfathomable would have happened: He would actually have been healthy enough to be on the court.
9. Kendrick Perkins (Oklahoma City Thunder)
22 of 30
Why was this guy so beloved in Boston?
Perkins definitely didn't play like Mr. Clean on the court—that means he was dirty—and I could hardly understand a word he said whenever he was interviewed.
He may be a pretty solid center, but he leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to his personality.
Unless incoherent mumbling is your type of thing, of course.
8. DeMarcus Cousins (Sacramento Kings)
23 of 30
Really, we should have expected everything we've seen out DeMarcus Cousins so far in the NBA: immaturity, selfishness, and a bloated self-image.
But still, this guy needs to grow up...fast.
I'm thinking that a few Dwight Howard or Blake Griffin facials will do the trick.
7. Sasha Vujacic (New Jersey Nets)
24 of 30
Calling Sasha Vujacic "The Machine" is like calling Charlie Sheen "normal".
I mean, it makes absolutely no sense for someone with a hairdo like this to be referred to as anything other than "Captain D-Bag".
But what makes even less sense is that Vujacic is actually engaged to Maria Sharapova.
Really? That's ridiculous.
6. New York Knicks (Carmelo Anthony)
25 of 30
If you hate the Miami Thrice, then you have to hate Carmelo Anthony for attempting to form another super team, too.
He finagled his way out of Denver so he could end up in New York in what can only be described as the ultimate diva move.
Not only that, but rumor has it that Melo preferred going to the East Coast at least partly because of his wife's reality TV "career".
Whipped.
5. Dirk Nowitzki (Dallas Mavericks)
26 of 30
I don't care what the rebounding stats say; Dirk Nowitzki plays soft.
That's his style, and it does actually work for him.
But seriously, the guy is seven feet tall, yet he plays like he's about 6'5".
So there would be few things I'd like to see more than Dirk getting slammed on by a guy who's 6'2".
4. Manu Ginobili, Tim Duncan and Tony Parker (San Antonio Spurs)
27 of 30
Yeah, I really had to pick all three.
I'm not sure if it's because of the anti-Spurs sentiment down here, but everyone I know refers to the Spurs as the "Floppers".
Why? If a Spur gets grazed or touched, it's inevitable that he will flop.
Especially if that Spur is named Manu Ginobili, Tim Duncan or Tony Parker.
3. Kobe Bryant (Los Angeles Lakers)
28 of 30
I hate when people compare Kobe Bryant to Michael Jordan.
I hate that Lakers fans will never accept that Kobe is no longer the best player in the NBA.
I hate that Kobe fans stay on his jock even though he's an adulterer who was once accused of rape.
I hate that Lakers fans call themselves Lakers fans when they won't be Lakers fans once Kobe retires.
All in all, I hate Kobe Bryant.
2. Chris Bosh (Miami Heat)
29 of 30
I don't care if you're starting center and point guard are both mannequins, no team with LeBron James, Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade should ever lose five games in a row.
Better yet, no one on the Heat should cry when they do lose either.
And based on Bosh's recent complains about not getting the ball enough in the post, I'd be willing to bet that he was the one who was shedding tears.
I can't blame him, though; I'd probably be making waterworks if I ever went 1-18 in a game, too.
1. Kevin Garnett (Boston Celtics)
30 of 30
Some call Kevin Garnett intense. I call him ridiculous.
He barks like a dog, he curses like a sailor even though he's on national TV, he pretends like he isn't a dirty player, and he only grows a set when he's guarding the likes of J.J. Barea or Jose Calderon.
Here's an idea, Kevin: Try going back to the Minnesota Timberwolves and acting like you do with the Boston Celtics.
Nevermind, you can't consistently run your mouth when you aren't winning and surrounded by other stars.
