NFL Mock Draft 2011 April Fool's Day: Charlie Sheen, Justin Beiber NFL Bound

Tired of the same old, boring 2011 NFL Mock Drafts?  Cam Newton, Blaine Gabbert, Nick Fairley, Von Miller: MAKE IT STOP!!  Well, sorry, here's another one.

APRIL FOOLS!

This one is a "holiday" special.  Get ready for your favorite player and/or team to be made fun of.

Here's a 2011 April Fool's Day NFL Mock Draft: 

1. Carolina Panthers: Charlie Sheen

He doesn't have panther blood, but he has tiger blood. He's drawn comparisons to an F-18. He launches torpedoes of truth with the magic in his fingertips.

Most of all, he's a winner.

2. Denver Broncos: Eric Spoelstra

Tim Tebow took a lot of heat for crying after losses as a Florida Gator. 

The Broncos need to draft Eric Spoelstra because he understands how to comfort crying athletes. His Miami Heat team shed a tear over a regular season loss so he definitely has experience working with emotional people.

3. Buffalo Bills: Justin Beiber

Noel Vasquez/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 18: Justin Bieber (L) and Common play at the 2011 BBVA NBA All-Star Celebrity Game at the Los Angeles Convention Center on February 18, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)

The Toronto Bills need a Canadian-born star prospect. Chan Gailey and Toronto scouts were seen courtside at the NBA Celebrity All-Star Game taking approximate measurements on vertical and 10-yard split.

Beiber would also add toughness to soft Bills front seven.

4. Cincinnati Bengals: O.J. Simpson

You knew this one was coming.  

O.J. wasn't considered by Cincinnati until more recently when he was actually sent to prison. He won't get out for at least another seven years, but whenever he does, you can pencil him in as the Convict...Bengals starting running back.

5. Arizona Cardinals: Brandi Favre

Arizona Cardinals fans all wish Kurt Warner would pull a Brett Favre and come out of retirement. 

Well, Favre's secret was revealed: his sister's meth lab was his true fountain of youth. The Cardinals bring in Brandi, and Warner begins to feel 25 again.

6. Cleveland Browns: LeBron James

As you can see, Clevelanders once loved LeBron James to a point of idolatry, so his shocking betrayal was bound to inspire some ingenious revenge.  

The Browns will draft, sign and suspend LeBron indefinitely for supposedly quitting on the team (there will be plenty of witnesses). There will be a clause hidden in his contract where he not only can't play another sport, but he wouldn't receive pay during a suspension: locked up. 

7. San Francisco 49ers: Andrew Luck

The 49ers have been an absolute mess since the ugly Jeff Garcia-Terrell Owens divorce. It wouldn't be a horrible idea to just go 0-16 on purpose so they can select Andrew Luck, because it's not like one more bad year would really mean anything anyway.

Luck and Jim Harbaugh would definitely have a better relationship than Mike Singletary and Troy Smith.

8. Tennessee Titans: Ron Artest's Psychiatrist

Vince Young is a very talented football player. He's improved his decision making and throwing accuracy while never lacking the physical ability, but he's a bit on the immature side.

If Ron Artest's psychiatrist could fix the nut that is Ron Artest, Young should be easy.

9. Dallas Cowboys: A Kardashian

Noel Vasquez/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 18: (L-R) Bruce Jenner, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian play at the 2011 BBVA NBA All-Star Celebrity Game at the Los Angeles Convention Center on February 18, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly ackno

Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys just can't win in the playoffs.  

Yeah, I know Romo's engaged, but he needs a Kardashian. Reggie Bush and the Saints won a Super Bowl when he was dating Kim, and Lamar Odom and the Lakers won the NBA Finals when he dated Khloe. Who needs a four-leaf clover?

10. Washington Redskins: Johnny Mac

How do you go from being so hyped over trading for Donovan McNabb to benching him for Rex Grossman?

That I don't have the answer to. But Johnny Mac may be the answer to the Redskins quarterback problems. At least that's just the type of move Daniel Snyder would try to pull off.

11. Houston Texans: Barry Bonds

Charlie Sheen and his winning would've been perfect for the Texans and their inability to get into the playoffs, but they were unwilling to trade up for him. Instead, they select Barry Bonds to help Brian Cushing communicate better with the media next time he fails a drug test.  

Instead of making up some lame, "I overworked," junk, he should just turn on his sad face and start questioning the media as to why they hate him so much, like Barry.

12. Minnesota Vikings: Herschel Walker

Herschel Walker has reportedly shown interest in returning to the NFL.

The Vikings gave up so much to the Cowboys in the trade for Walker back in 1989. Being such a disappointment in Minnesota the first time around, the Vikings will try to get as much out of Walker as possible in an attempt to justify the trade.

13. Detroit Lions: A.J. Green

Charles Rogers, Mike Williams, Roy Williams, Calvin Johnson...A.J. Green. Joke outdated?

If he's the best player available, they'll pull the trigger.

14. St. Louis Rams: Glutathione (Anti-Aging Scam)

Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

SEATTLE, WA - JANUARY 02: Running back Steven Jackson #39 of the St. Louis Rams looks on during their game against the Seattle Seahawks at Qwest Field on January 2, 2011 in Seattle, Washington. (Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images)

How to Waste an Elite Halfback by the St. Louis Rams. The Rams seriously just blew the first seven years of Steven Jackson's career.

He'll be 28 by the time next season rolls around. They need to get him some Gluta-whatever and get a few of those years back to delay Jackson reaching the wall that is the age of 30.

15. Miami Dolphins: Michael Phelps

All of the "coincidences" are too perfect for the Dolphins not to select Michael Phelps.

Stephen Ross loves surrounding himself with celebrities, one pot-head in Ricky Williams would be replaced with another 4/20 lover, and a gold-medal swimmer would be on the Dolphins: too perfect.

16. Jacksonville Jaguars: Los Angeles Superfan

The Jaguars are lacking in fans that will actually attend their games. That's why they'll soon be the Los Angeles Jaguars.

This LA fan would be an asset to a fan base lacking passion and attendance.

17. New England Patriots: Usain Bolt

The fastest man alive? The Oakland Raiders don't hold the rights to that pick anymore.

See, that's where Bill Belichick's genius comes in: the Patriots select Bolt and trade him to the Raiders for every single one of their future first-round picks until Al Davis dies (which basically means forever).

18. New England Patriots: Patriots Super Fan

The Patriots don't often trade up, but with so many future first-round picks, this addition would be too good to pass up.

This Patriots super fan is bound to eventually work on acquiring other attributes of Tom Brady: arm strength, accuracy, knowledge of the West Coast Offense. Boom: Brady's replacement, his "clone."

19. New York Giants: Chas Henry

"Kick it away from him."

Think the Raiders would be the only team who would select a punter in the first round? Well, yeah, before the Miracle in the Meadowlands v2.

20. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Tiki Barber

Tiki Barber has expressed interest in returning to the NFL.

Putting Tiki and Ronde on the same squad should have been done years ago. Just imagine how psyched out opponents would be if the Buccaneers sent both of them out for the coin toss with the same number: seeing double?

21. Kansas City Chiefs: New Mascot

I thought Cleveland's whole 'Browns, orange helmet, dog mascot' combination was bad.

I know they're trying to avoid the whole American Indian stereotype, but a wolf?

22. Indianapolis Colts: Joe Montana

They don't need Joe Cool to actually play quarterback, but just to teach Peyton how to perform in crunch-time.

Sure, Manning has a Super Bowl ring, but you can't be the winningest team in the decade with only one ring and not have multiple heartbreaking postseason losses. All I have to say is, "And it's Tracey Porter taking it all the way."

23. Philadelphia Eagles: Anti-PETA Fans

PETA members are the biggest joke that has ever touched this planet. People actually calling for Michael Vick to be hanged: imbeciles.

The Eagles need to draft some Anti-PETA fans and/or employees to make sure the only threats from the crowd at Lincoln Financial Field are directed toward Santa Claus and not Vick.

24. New Orleans Saints: Terry Crews

All I have to say is "Beast Mode," and images of Marshawn Lynch making the entire Saints defense look like pee-wee football players pops up into your head.

That soft Saints squad obviously needs added toughness. Terry Crews has the power to stiffen up that defense. 

25. Seattle Seahawks: Nate Solder

Pete Carroll loves ticking off his ex-USC players. First he passed on Taylor Mays for Earl Thomas, and then Damian Williams for Golden Tate.

Carroll and the Seahawks will select Nate Solder just to make Tyron Smith feel betrayed.

26. Baltimore Ravens: Patrick Peterson

Ozzie Newsome is the man. I couldn't even fathom this genius passing on Patrick Peterson. 

He can see the future all the way to the day after April Fool's Day and see the real best player in the NFL draft.

27. Atlanta Falcons: Falcons Super Fan

This kid knows more about football than half the Steeler Nation: Oh!  Burn!  I'm sorry...

Hey, Lane Kiffin recruits 13 year olds. Why can't Mike Smith draft a seven-year-old?

28. New England Patriots: Dom Cobb

The Patriots haven't won a Super Bowl since Spygate. They need an edge. 

Well, instead of getting inside of opponent's playbooks via video camera, the Patriots select Dom Cobb to teach Bill Belichick how to get into opposing head coaches' dreams.

29. Chicago Bears: Jim McMahon

Many have questioned Jay Cutler's toughness after not playing through a knee injury in the NFC Championship game.

The link between the Chicago Bears and the word, "toughness," can never be shaken.  They need to bring back the rebel quarterback from the 1985 squad who would never let that link be in question. 

30. New York Jets: Shaquille O'Neal

Shaq is an absolute monster at 7'1" 325 pounds, but that's not the measurement Rex Ryan cares about though. 

Shaq wears a size 23 shoe. I'd imagine a feet enthusiast like Ryan would have the motto: the bigger the better. 

31. Pittsburgh Steelers: Mike Pouncey

Wouldn't you want to get to laugh your head off at their celebration after every single Pittsburgh touchdown?  

Unanimous decision: yes.

32. Green Bay Packers: Matt Damon

The Packers may be the most talented team in football, but they're lacking flash. Matt Damon could go into Jason Bourne mode and provide a spark for a methodical Green Bay team.

He has a link to Mike McCarthy that makes the selection ideal. 

David Daniels is an NFL Featured Columnist at Bleacher Report and a Syndicated Writer. Follow him and Bleacher Report Swagger on Twitter.