Carmelo Anthony Trade: 25 Things Better Than Hearing More Melo Rumors

Find me when a decision has been made.

The Carmelo Anthony saga continues, yet nothing has happened with the Denver Nuggets forward. It has dragged on so long, in fact, that I've gone from being somewhat interested to completely annoyed every time I hear the latest stories involving Melo and the Knicks or Melo and the Nets.

In fact, I can think of tons of other ways to spend my time that don't include trying to keep up with all the rumors.

Here are 25 better things to do than waste your time with Melo. Join in the fun:  

25. Trim Your Friends List On Facebook

Props to Mark Zuckerberg for giving people a way to continue to behave like they're in high school and brag about having 2,605 friends.

Right. Nothing better than Farmville spam and a flood of updates about how precious everyone's boyfriend/girlfriend is.

The "hide" button comes in handy, but so does the "delete" button. Try it sometime. It's therapeutic.

24. Watching Bill O'Reilly On "The View"

I don't know why anyone cares what Bill or Whoopi think about politics, or why she and Joy Behar keep getting baited every time he's on, but at least that holds more cheap entertainment than following Melo.

23. Buy Girl Scout Cookies

Hey, as long as the lemon ones are available, it's all good.

Confession: I actually feel guilty whenever I walk by and don't purchase a box. It's a wonderful organization, and I try to be supportive.

Everything in moderation, I guess, huh?

22. Develop Drinking Games While Watching CSPAN

Joshua Roberts/Getty Images

WASHINGTON - DECEMBER 2: Speaker of the House Speaker Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) speaks as she received pecan pies from Rep. Joe Barton (R-TX) and a giant Hershey bar from Rep. Arlen Specter (D-PA) to settle a bet after the San Francisco Giants won the Wor

Try a shot every time you hear the word "motion" and two shots when you hear "gentleman."

You could take it up a notch and shotgun a beer if you ever hear "fiscal responsibility" or "debt reduction." 

You get the idea. Proceed with the fun... 

21. Take a Two-Hour Nap With The Phone Off On a Rainy Day

That right there would be a borderline religious experience.

I hated naps as a kid, but in college they became a favorite hobby and past time.

20. Sit Next To a Teenager Texting and Talking at a Movie

Nothing quite like getting away to see a good movie only to be stuck next to the loud, bubbly teenager who can't go 90 minutes without texting her BFF.

19. Predict Lady Gaga's Next Outlandish Outfit

It's going to be hard to top the meat dress, but I have to say the egg outfit was unique too.

Suggestions: An outfit made of pancakes, one made out of Legos, or another where she's wearing footy pajamas (those of you my age will remember those).

18. Watch Keenan Cahill's Videos

You'll thank me later. 

If that's not your speed, try these fellas out. 

17. Get Stock Tips From Martha Stewart

Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

NEW YORK - AUGUST 27: Martha Stewart looks on during the opening ceremonies for the U.S. Open at the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on August 27, 2007 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. (Photo by Matthew Stockm

Maybe if she's in a good mood she'll also give you tips on how to make homemade beer. 

Martha, to me, is like the female MacGyver. She'll take the leftover cardboard from a ring of toilet paper, turn it into a decorative napkin holder and then bank $200...Just because she came up with the idea.

16. Introduce Youngsters To Dodgeball

Now it's been banned from several schools.

Back in the day, though, my brother and I both played it during PE at school. Nothing was more fun than grabbing those red rubber balls and launching them as hard as you could at your buddies.

Yes, sometimes we'd get nailed in the head or get our legs taken out from under us.

But we were laughing the entire time.

15. Read Another Story Involving Jenn Sterger

Nothing like those "news" stories that never go away.

While we're at it, go ahead and give me more stories involving Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie and Lindsay Lohan. 

14. Scroll Through Kim Kardashian's Twitpics

Al Bello/Getty Images

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 09: Kim Kardashian (L) and Kris Jenner watch the Fernando Verdasco v Rafael Nadal match during day eleven of the 2010 U.S. Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on September 9, 2010 in the Flushing neighborhood of

Kim doesn't bother me as much as she used to.

But I've got to admit I hit the mute button quickly after I saw her recently on Conan with both of her sisters. 

Every man has his limits.

13. Watch LeBron Make Another Decision

Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 20: LeBron James #6 of the Miami Heat and the Eastern Conference looks on in the 2011 NBA All-Star Game at Staples Center on February 20, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees tha

And you know ESPN would be on the phone in 90 seconds flat to say they'd do a 90-minute special. They'd also throw in Jim Gray and his softball questions too.

12. Listen To Stephen Hawking Talk About The Universe

The man may be a genius, but he may also give my floor fan a battle for what would put me to sleep quicker.

11. Get Stuck In Line at The Post Office With One Booth Open

This actually just happened to me the Friday before Valentine's Day.

Where it ranks on pet peeves: Right below trips to the DMV and just ahead of being on the phone with a friend who's getting drive thru but refuses to mute you while they get their No.8 meal with two beef enchiladas and lots of mild sauce. 

10. All-Night Kathy Griffin Marathon

Nothing more mind-numbing than B-list comedians who keep appearing on random talk shows and sitcoms.

Look on the bright side: If you had a gun, you could squeeze off a few rounds into your TV before the night's over.

9. Sit Next To A Loud Talker at Starbucks

You know what I'm talking about: It's that person who has no inside voice and wants everyone to acknowledge them and their conversation.

Most of the time you'll hear them throwing around work lingo, or gossiping about loved ones or co-workers while smacking their gum, fake laughing or using words like "bro" or "gurl."

8. Get Stuck On The Phone For 90 Minutes With Customer Service

Yes, in a perfect world it would be amazing to be able to deal with someone nice and pleasant like the lady above.

But most of the time you're transferred over to someone, and it becomes like the childhood game "The Telephone Game" where wanting to fix your internet connection turns into a gentleman saying, "I'm so sorry, but we don't build fighter jets."

7. Watch March Madness

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INDIANAPOLIS - APRIL 05: Brian Zoubek #55 of the Duke Blue Devils attempts a shot against the Butler Bulldogs during the 2010 NCAA Division I Men's Basketball National Championship game at Lucas Oil Stadium on April 5, 2010 in Indianapolis, Indiana. (Ph

Hold on. I'll actually be doing that.

The wait will soon be over. It's that one time of the year when it's fun to root for teams like Ciena and George Mason, and cheer for the lanky white forwards who look like zit-faced, 13-year-olds who just learned to shave.

6. Watch The Scripps Howard Spelling Bee

No offense to those of you draft junkies who will be tuning into the NFL combine this weekend, but this is way more addictive and entertaining.

Some of these kids become mini-celebrities, and what makes this even better: Easy chances for gambling.

5. Being a Photographer's Assistant On The SI Swimsuit Shoot

Christopher Polk/Getty Images

GRAND PRAIRIE, TX - FEBRUARY 03: Model Marisa Miller poses backstage during VH1's Pepsi Super Bowl Fan Jam at Verizon Theater on February 3, 2011 in Grand Prairie, Texas. (Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images for VH1)

If you need more than 2.5 seconds to decide this, I urge you to seek immediate medical attention.

4. Attending a Middle School Band Performance

There's beautiful music, and then there's the sound of seventh graders butchering "Footloose" and making it sound like a mixture of a walrus being savagely bludgeoned and a cat trying to climb a tiled wall.

3. Have a Stuart Scott Haiku Night

Kevin Winter/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 15: ESPN reporter Stuart Scott speaks onstage during the 2009 ESPY Awards held at Nokia Theatre LA Live on July 15, 2009 in Los Angeles, California. The 17th annual ESPYs will air on Sunday, July 19 at 9PM ET on ESPN. (Photo by Ke

ESPN officially began its downward spiral in my world the night I heard Stuart do haiku on a broadcast. I'm not joking.

My first thought was, "Um, if I wanted to hear poetry or spoken word, I'd drive down to the local coffee shop on the weekends, or flip on HBO."

2. Go See The Bieber Movie

Jason Merritt/Getty Images

LOS ANGELES, CA - FEBRUARY 20: Singers Justin Bieber and Rihanna sit in the audience during the 2011 NBA All-Star game at Staples Center on February 20, 2011 in Los Angeles, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downlo

Do you find that photo oddly amusing, too? Bieber's street cred goes up a few notches for sitting next to Rihanna.

I'll give Bieber credit too: The kid is a money-making empire. 

1. Play Words With Friends

Don't act like you don't know what this is or that you have the restraint the rest of your friends lack.

It's the crack cocaine of the iPhone Universe, and there's nothing better than busting out "XI" on your friends then getting 102 points while they curse like a sailor.