Super Bowl XLV: 5 Reasons Why It's the Most Un-Texan of Them All

Kris HughesCorrespondent IFebruary 4, 2011

Super Bowl XLV: 5 Reasons Why It's the Most Un-Texan of Them All

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    Hines Ward- Faux Texan
    Hines Ward- Faux TexanRonald Martinez/Getty Images

    Part of Jerry Jones’ master plan in building the mammoth new Cowboys Stadium in Arlington was to provide fans with a home Super Bowl in 2011.

    This plan of course, assumed the Dallas Cowboys would be the NFC’s best team during the 2010 seasons.

    As we all know, the Cowboys barely managed to tread water, much less be good enough to compete in a Super Bowl under their own roof.

    While the Cowboys’ failure is the most obvious reason why Super Bowl XLV won’t have its promised Texas feel, there are several more reasons which have come to light that drive home the point.

    Let's take a look at 5 reasons why this Super Bowl is the most un-Texan of them all.

1. Attention Everyone, We Don’t Ride Horses or Clomp Around in Boots with Spurs

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    Texas- Not Exactly the Wild West
    Texas- Not Exactly the Wild West

    Anytime an event of worldwide or even national importance takes place in Texas, you know exactly what you will see.

    People in awful, unauthentic cowboy crap.

    Exhibit A was Steelers joker wide receiver Hines Ward, who got off the team plane and arrived at the team’s first press conference in ten-gallon hat and fake belt-buckle.

    While some may think this is funny, for a lifelong Texan like myself, its just tired.

    If I see one more person wearing this junk I’m going to scream.

    Hold on a second, I have to make sure my horse tied to the post out back has fresh water, I’ll be right back.

    Ugh.

2. A Florida Barbecue Outfit Is Catering The Game. Seriously?

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    Florida Barbecue for a Texas Super Bowl? Bad Idea.
    Florida Barbecue for a Texas Super Bowl? Bad Idea.

    Not to sound too Texan snobby here, but the state has some of the best barbecue on the planet.

    In yet another brilliant move, Jerry Jones contracted a Florida-based competitive barbecue team which had worked several previous Super Bowls to do the same this time around.

    What Jerry, couldn’t find anyone decent in the Lone Star State?

    Seriously.

    I could crank out the names of 20 places right off the top of my head that would do a better job for less that what he’s paying to truck these people in from the Southeast.

    You have got to be kidding me.

3. Crappy Weather Adds a Nice Non-Texan Feel to The Week

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    Snow is Bad.
    Snow is Bad.

    To add some insult to injury, Mother Nature has decided to grace the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex with some of its worst winter weather of the past few years.

    Snow and ice have blanketed the city, making it difficult for visitors to get around and causing a ton of whining from the locals as well.

    For those of you who traveled to Dallas expecting it to be 80 degrees and sunny, guess again.

4. The Black Eyed Peas Headline the Halftime Show. Gag.

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    Black Eyed Peas = Crap
    Black Eyed Peas = CrapScott Halleran/Getty Images

    In yet another safe selection by the Janet Jackson-weary Super Bowl honchos at Fox, the Black Eyed Peas will grace us with their derivative and utterly boring pop/rap fluff during the Super Bowl halftime show.

    Yeah!

    Not.

    At least last year’s halftime show had some entertainment value.

    The Who could put on a better show in wheelchairs than BEP could on their best day.

    Oh well, no one accused the masses of having any taste in music.

    Could have used Willie Nelson to save us on this one.

5. Stripper Shortages Are Never Good For Business

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    Bom Boom.
    Bom Boom.

    In one of the most important stories of the week, it was reported that Dallas was short about 10,000 strippers short based on expected demand.

    Oh no! Whatever will we do!

    How can the players be expected to have a good time in Big D if there aren’t enough strippers to throw money at?

    It’s just not good hosting.

    There really should have been more planning done prior to Super Bowl week to make sure such an atrocity was avoided.

    Spare me.