Toronto Maple Leafs: Sticky Situation Has Management Acting Waffle

After robbing their followers for decades by combining exorbitant ticket prices with an inferior product, the Toronto Maple Leafs have now added criminal mischief chargers to the bag of tricks they are willing to perpetuate upon their fans.

Joseph Robb has been barred from the Air Canada Centre for throwing waffles onto the ice during a December 20th game, in which the Leafs lost 6-3 to the Atlanta Thrashers. He could face additional punishment in January when he is scheduled to appear in court.

Don’t forget that waffle tossing has been used by terrorists throughout history to instill fear and unsettle governments; their use should only be condoned under strict supervision of trained personnel.

A waffle in the wrong hands can be lethal, especially if it’s a frozen waffle (the worst kind of waffle). I’m sure all of you have had someone you know taken down or injured by one of these traitorous devices.

Their use must stop and stop now.

Anyone who throws contraband onto the ice should be met with swift and proper justice. After all, there is the players' safety to consider.

Oh wait, we do make exceptions to this rule by allowing hats to be thrown onto the ice on occasion.

Though if you are a Maple Leafs fan, you may not know why.

The practice occurs after a home-team player scores three goals in a single game. This occurrence, called a hat trick by some, will cause fans from around the league to toss hats onto the ice in a celebratory fashion to mark the event.

The last time one of these events has happened in Toronto was January 4, 2007, when Alex Steen did the deed against Boston.

Of course, all the fans tossing hats that day were arrested and charged with criminal mischief and endangering the safety of the players—oh wait, no they weren't. Apparently, waffles are far more dangerous and appalling than hats.

One Maple Leafs fan that wanted to remain anonymous stated, “A hat. Yeah. Those are innocent enough and rather fun to toss. But a waffle is a whole other beast. They’re dangerous and malevolent. You’d have to be a real criminal, insane really, to think you can get away with tossing those.”

Seriously, Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment need to get a lobotomy.

While the league average ticket price is $51.41 (USD), Leafs tickets are the most expensive at an average of $117.49 a piece.

Compare that with the Chicago Blackhawks who won the Stanley Cup last year. Their average ticket price is a paltry $46.80.

To review, if you’re a Chicago fan, you pay about $47 and get to see a Stanley Cup-winning team. If you’re a Leafs fan, you pay $117 and get to see bupkis as you are hauled off to jail.

"It's just an inappropriate action that we're trying to ensure that doesn't repeat itself," said Bob Hunter, MLSE executive vice president for venues and entertainment. "If the fans want to boo and the fans want to say things then they have every right and opportunity to do that. But to throw things in a crowd of 19,000, we do not consider as being appropriate behavior."

Yeah, right.

It's inappropriate until you have set up kiosks around the arena that sell foam waffles for $59 apiece.

Then, not only will you condone the practice, you’ll promote it by flashing "toss your waffle” up on the big screen during the games.