San Francisco 49ers: It's About Time They Pay Back the Fans for Their Loyalty

When you're down
It's a long way up
When you're up
It's a long way down
It's all the same thing
No new tale to tell

Like Love and Rockets, the San Francisco 49ers had far more success in the '80s than in the present. When they were good, they were very good, to the tune of five Super Bowls in 14 seasons, and numerous other close calls. Division titles were mere formalities and the team's ethos was that the season didn't even start until January.

Going by that standard, the current incarnation of the 49ers haven't played a real game since 2002. Then again, most of their fans would probably agree that haven't been anything resembling a pro team for quite some time.

Though the NFL has a reputation for being the one American team sport where teams can go from laughingstocks to champions overnight, the league's parity is mostly a myth. In general the good teams stay good and the bad teams that stay bad over the long run, as long as the quarterbacks and coaches stay in place.

The 49ers have had neither a coach nor a quarterback worth a damn in forever, and thus they've been stuck in neutral. Furthermore because their wayward organization doesn't believe in having a true general manager, there is no system in place for ever hiring a real head coach or finding a franchise QB.

None of the above is news in the slightest. You know it all, you've heard it all, you watch the games with a hand covering your eyes, not knowing whether to root for the team to win or lose, not sure what result is better for the long term. 

Thursday night's 34-7 curb-stomping surely couldn't have been too upsetting, seeing as the matter was decided well before half time—early in the second quarter really, after a 4th-and-goal try from the six-inch line went awry.

The offense went poof after offensive coordinator Mike Johnson called a dive play for Anthony Dixon instead of simply instructing Alex Smith to sneak it in. By having Smith turn around to hand the ball off Johnson gave the Chargers defensive line all the time they needed to penetrate and snuff the play two yards in the backfield.

After that the offensive line played miserably, surrendering a half dozen sacks and pretty much the only guy who competed was receiver Josh Morgan. I don't want to say Michael Crabtree's effort was weak, but Randy Moss thought he was dogging it.

On the defensive side of things, once Justin Smith was ejected for shoving an umpire in a freak fit of rage the team lost their best pass rusher. Then the second best one, linebacker Travis LaBoy, left with a sprained knee. As a consequence Philip Rivers had all the time he needed in the pocket and picked the much-maligned (and rightfully so) secondary apart.

That the Chargers decided to prolong their scoring drives by choosing to run on first and second downs was mostly sportsmanship on their part. If coach Norv Turner desired he could've simply called a pass every time and really uglied up the box score.

The two teams don't belong in the same league much less the same field and the truly frightening detail to consider is that San Diego had 113 receptions for 1,956 yards and 17 touchdowns on the bench in street clothes as all-world tight end Antonio Gates and receivers Malcolm Floyd and Patrick Crayton were out with injuries. 

So yes, the 49ers stink. Stop the presses.

However, there is no reason their awfulness should ruin your day. It's been the same old thing for eight years now. Why put yourself and your family through it every weekend?

The better solution is to embrace the positive: Yes, your team is bad, but they're reliably bad. Whenever they play anyone of consequence, you can take it to the bank—literally—that they will get flattened but good. 

This is why they should, nee must, win the NFC West. It's not fair that we selfishly horde their ineptitude all to ourselves. The 49ers are a treat that the whole gambling nation should get to enjoy and profit from.

After all, their division isn't just poor. It's historically wretched. There's a very good chance that for the first time in NFL history a squad with a losing record will make the postseason.

We need to capture this atrocity of a division and preserve it in all its glory for future generations, like putting a mood ring or a Rubix cube in a time capsule.

There is no way justice would be served if the NFC West representative plays a close first round playoff game, or god forbid if they pull off the home upset and win.

Frankly I don't trust either the Seahawks or the Rams to know their role come January. Rams rookie Sam Bradford has shown consistently that he can move the ball and he's been especially sharp at home. The Seahawks have that "12th Man" in the airline hangar they call a stadium and who knows, maybe their fans can cause a fluke turnover or two early.

I'm not saying I'd pick either of those teams to win a home playoff game or even cover the spread. I'm saying I can conceive them doing so.

The 49ers, on the other hand, would be a stone cold gambling lock. The combination of coach Corey Hart ("I Wear My Sunglasses at Night") and Alex Smith under center in a playoff game? For real?

Please God, I don't ask for much.

Mike Singletary actually told the NFL Network's Deion Sanders during a pregame interview that he sees himself as a problem solver, and if a few division games go our way over the next couple of weeks, he indeed can be proved correct.

The economy is in bad shape. Unemployment is high. Christmas presents are expensive, as are Christmas vacations.

Singletary can solve all our problems by guiding the 49ers to a division title, while the bookies and the casinos beg for mercy. 

Winning money in Vegas? Now that would be a tale to tell.