My Thoughts on Athlete Man Crushes: You Know You Have One (i.e. Tom Brady)

My cousin loves Cole Hamels.  He will defend him in any argument.  When Cole was having a rough season in 2009, going 10-11 with a 4.32 ERA, my cousin would always list top-of-the-rotation guys who had their “one bad year.” 

At the start of the 2010 season Cole didn’t look much better.  I would shoot him sarcastic text messages after each start: “Your boy looks real good.”  But, my cousin stood by him unconditionally, even though it looked like Cole would never regain his form. 

Fast-forward to July.  Cole got his stuff back—the kind of stuff that made him the World Series MVP in 2008.  Now I was the one getting text messages after each one his starts: “You believe in my boy now?” 

I could just picture my cousin with a slight smirk as if he were a proud father.  He had stood behind his guy and supported him through the tough times.  It was at this point I realized two things. 

First, Cole was pitching better; he had hit his stride and looked like a bona fide No. 1. 

Second, my cousin had a bona fide man crush on Cole Hamels. 

This got me thinking.  Is it strange to have a man crush?  MTV didn’t seem to think so when they produced a show called “Bromance.”  It was all about regular guys competing for Brody Jenner’s affection as his No. 1 bro. 

The term even has a commonplace in our everyday language to describe two heterosexual guys who just happen to dig each other’s company…a lot.   

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have made careers out of theirs.  Could this be?  Did I have an athlete man crush?  The answer was you bet I do, but what guy doesn’t?

It’s easy to see why regular dudes have man crushes on athletes.  To start, they play professional sports as their job.  Most guys dream of being that good.  Whether you’re the kid crossing over non-existent defenders on the playground or the adult daydreaming in front of their computer screen about suiting up on Sundays, professional athletes have the best job. 

Who wouldn't want to make millions of dollars to play a game, stay in shape, and have people admire them? 

In fact the only time I get slightly upset with my athlete man crush is when he doesn’t realize how good he has it.  Even well respected, powerful, and wealthy men want to be athletes.  Barack Obama has been known to shoot hoops, Mark Cuban bought an NBA franchise because he was too big of a loser to play the game, and rapper Master P tried out for the Mavs even though he had a successful recording career (this is debatable, although “Make Em’ Say Uhh” is widely recognized as a lyrical masterpiece).  

The bottom line is that no job measures up.

Aside from being paid well and turning your body into a lethal force, athletes have the adoration of females.  There are fan sites dedicated to just their WAGs (wives and girlfriends). 

Tom Brady dumped one smoking hot baby mama for another.  Chuck Liddell is no James Bond rocking his Mohawk, but has picked up multiple slamming girlfriends.  Jeff Garcia had his sexuality questioned, but later scored his WAG, Playboy Magazine’s Miss April 2003. 

What’s more to idolize?  These guys have everything men want: money and women.     

Unfortunately not everyone can be a professional athlete.  That leaves us normal guys to either dream about being one, or living vicariously through our respective man crushes. 

The obvious signs of experiencing an athlete man crush are:

1. You defend your man crush under any circumstances.  Even if he did give up five unearned runs in a big loss during Game 3 of the World Series to have a 7.58 ERA in the postseason and get criticized for “giving up” by his teammates…you stand by him and cite all the shining moments in his career and insist he’ll bounce back.
2. You imagine what an encounter with him would be like.  You wouldn’t be the annoying fan he expected, but a cool dude.  He’d like that about you and then invite you out with his entourage to go hunting for women.
3. You wear his jersey proudly like high school girls do with their boyfriends' letterman jackets.
4. You make comparisons between the two of you, even though they are blatantly false.
5. You refer to him as “your boy.”  This is impossible because the two of you have never met.       

I know who my man crush is, and I bet you can name yours.  It’s nothing to be ashamed of.  It’s natural. 

With my final respects, I leave you with the Top Five Athlete Man Crushes:

1.  Tom Brady (even with the Bieber do)

2.  David Beckham

3.  Kobe Bryant

4.  Tiger Woods (did you see his ex-wife and his sexcapades?)

5. Tim Tebow