Shaq vs Framing: 10 Potential New Nicknames for Shaq After Being Accused

Shaquille O'Neal of the Boston Celtics just can't seem to stay out of the news.

Throughout his career he has had heavily publicized rap battles with Kobe Bryant, accusations of extramarital affairs, guarantees of championships, and much more.

And more recently he has even called out Mo Williams of the Cleveland Cavaliers for shooting the ball too much during his tenure in Cleveland.

So it is not surprising that Shaq finds his name in the news for something controversial again.

If you have not read the article yet, you can read the whole story here: http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/shaquille-oneal-sued-employee-claims-hacking-and-shaq-tried-to-frame-him-091510

For those of you who do not like reading, I can give you the cliff notes version.

Shaq's former personal IT guy Shawn Darling is suing the Big Shaq Diesel for intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy, and a civil racketeering charge.

Darling claims that Shaq hacked into his voicemails, used law enforcement contacts to frame Darling, and to destroy evidence that Darling held related to Shaq's extramarital affairs.

Needless to say, these are very serious accusations made against the Big Aristotle.

Shaq's latest controversy has led me to wonder: what new nicknames will the media come up with for the Big Shaqtus next?

And this is why I have created a list of 10 potential new nicknames for Shaq Fu after these allegations.

So as usual....sit back, relax, and don't forget to comment with your new nicknames for the Big Diesel.

10. Stalk-a-Shaq

This is a play on the Hack-a-Shaq nickname for many team's new form of defense against the seven footer.

If you read the article, Shaq has been accused of stalking his former alleged mistress Vanessa Lopez's voicemails and hacking into them just like he has done with former IT guy Shawn Darling.

Stalking your former woman and workers is never a good thing, so this is why the Big Diesel earns his Stalk-a-Shaq nickname.

I just hope the city of Boston and the Boston Police Department are prepared for the Big Stalker next season, because if they aren't, it could be a long season for the women and computer professionals in the Boston area.

9. The Big Hacktus

This nickname can be used in a wide variety of ways.

Obviously this nickname is because Shaq has been accused of hacking into voicemails and into the private computer of his former IT guy.

But it can also be for those painful, hacking fouls that Shaq will put on his opponents in the paint.

I understand that they are sending a message to "not come into his house," but the Big Hacktus just may have the referees paying a little more attention after his latest hacking allegations.

If these allegations are true, Shaq will go down as biggest hacker of all time: and I mean that in the literal sense.

8. The Big Invader

Invasion of privacy.....check.

Invading the mind to cause emotional distress.....check.

It looks like The Big Invader has found multiple ways to earn this nickname.

This nickname could actually benefit Shaq on the court in Boston.

If he takes his "invading" to heart, he might just remember how to invade the paint and score at will, like in his old days.

At worst, Shaq could begin to invade the minds of opponents and become an even bigger defensive presence then he used to be.

I mean, he has already attempted to invade the mind of Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Mo Williams.

Go get them Big Invader!

7. The Big Shaqateer

No Shaq, I'm not talking about making you a Superhero, or even an honorary member of the Three Musketeers.

The "teer" in your nickname refers to the civil racketeering charges that your former IT guy has filed against you.

Go ahead and grab your cap, mask, and sword if you like Shaq, but I don't think they will be of any help when you find yourself facing these charges.

Just be happy they are of the civil variety and not federal, or else that "life after basketball" could turn into "life in prison."

6. The Big Disposer

Deputy Shaq solicited the help of law enforcement contacts to frame Shawn Darling for a criminal offense, and dispose of Darling's computer in the lake behind Shaq's house.

The Big Disposer was too easy of a nickname to come up with for this one.

Using a lake to "dispose" of evidence Shaq, really?

You couldn't just burn it, replace it with a copy, or have someone trash the hard drive?

Hopefully Shaq can help the Boston Celtics "dispose" of the competition this season, and maybe during all this extra time he learned how to "dispose" of his free throw problems.

5. Shaq-Capone

Shaq hasn't made it to Al Capone status as an accused criminal, but he seems to be able to avoid the police in the same manner.

This is why Shaq's new nickname should be Shaq-Capone.

He has shown an ability to use the police force to do his dirty work, destroy evidence, and he is a very wealthy man.

Sounds like the Al Capone stories and movies that I remember.

I think all Shaq needs in the photo on this slide is a Tommy Gun and he could probably play a 1920s gangster role easily.

4. The Man of Iron

Once known as the "Man of Steel" because of his obsession with Super man, Shaq could possibly be known as the "Man of Iron."

Why the "Man of Iron"?

Because he could end up behind the solid iron bars of a jail cell if he is convicted of the charges has has been accused of.

Shaq's next big motion picture film could be one that documents the life of a former NBA star behind bars, and they could only call him the "Man of Iron" during the movie.

Only Shaq could turn a stay in prison into a major movie or reality show, and I think being dubbed the "Man of Iron" could get him to the next level.

3. Shaq-Dini

Harry Houdini was one of the greatest magicians in history.

He could make things disappear, make them reappear, and stun people with his abilities.

Shaq has proven to be able to make evidence disappear, make computers disappear into lakes and reappear with his cash, and stun people with all of these allegations toward him.

Shaq is possibly the next coming of Harry Houdini.

I know that he has already played the role of a genie in the movie Kazaam, but I think his next role should be as a magician on Broadway.

He would easily be the largest magician of all time, and just imagine what he could make disappear and reappear with the proper training and staff to aid him.

2. Shaq-Cousteau

Jacques Cousteau was known for his deep sea exploration, his amazing discoveries under water, and the studying of life under the sea.

Well Shaq has taken up an admiration for things under water lately.

One that we discussed earlier was his disposal of a computer in the lake behind his house.

Now I doubt that Jacques Cousteau ever explored a lake behind his house, but it seems that Shaq has developed a new affinity for things under water.

It started with his Shaq Vs episode in which he squared off against Olympic Gold Medalist Michael Phelps, and now it has expanded to placing items at the bottom of a lake to be discovered at a later time.

Someone needs to tell Shaq that Mr. Cousteau led a pretty good life going after rocks, fish, and other things underneath the sea, and that he doesn't have to steal things from his employees to make exploring the water a fun time.

1. Shaq-Override

In the 1995 movie Hackers, Crash Override was a character played by Jonny Lee Miller. 

Crash Override was the Hacker who had the greatest ability to hack into things.

I'm sure that his character would be impressed with Shaq-Override's ability to hack into voicemails, computers, and to "stick it to the man."

The only way this scenario could be any better for Shaq is if he had a young Angelina Jolie, known as "Acid Burn" in the movie, as his side kick instead of one of his friends.

Maybe Shaq and Angelina could remake the movie in a 2011 form that shows the people of the world that your voicemails, computers, and other electronic items are not safe from seven foot millionaires that enjoy hanging out with pandas in their spare time.

And at the end of the movie, Shaq and Angelina could post a picture of Shaq and a panda all over the items they hacked to let the other hackers of the world out there know that Shaq is the supreme hacker in the world.

***Note: This was all in good fun, and I hope for the sake of Shaq and his legacy that the allegations against him are not true and that the matter is resolved quickly so that he can get on with his basketball career in Boston.