20 Questions From Week 1 In The NFL: Do You Agree With Logan Mankins?

1) Isn't lap band surgery supposed to make you skinnier? According to
an unnamed source, this exchange may have actually taken place:

"Hey Doc, I'm going to Peter Luger's with the O-Line tonight, think
you could take me out a bit?"

"I'm not a tailor, Rex..."

2) What's worse, fathering 10 children with 4 different women, or
taking 4 pass interference calls  in one football game? As a fan of
the game, I'm not really sure.  If I were a Jet fan,  I'd say the
latter.

3) How many poor, unfortunate fantasy football General Managers are going to delude
themselves (again) that Mike Vick is a viable fantasy QB?  Too many
(shakes head).  Too many.

4) Should Wade Phillips change his first name to "Bum" (like his
daddy), or would that be redundant?

5) Did Clinton Portis really make it through an entire football game
without getting hurt?

6) Is there anything better than watching Philip Rivers throw a temper
tantrum on the sideline?

7) How great is it to be a Giants fan today? Giants won, Eagles lost,
Eagles QB got KTFO'd, Eagles MLB got KTFO'd (more on this later),
Eagles lost two starters for the season, Cowboys lost to the team lead
by the Eagles former QB AND the Jets got embarrassed on national
television. I can't really quantify it, so I'll defer to Fireman Ed:

(Real quotes):

"“It’s the first time in 26 years you don’t have to look at blue and
red seats, and when you walk in the place and see a sign saying
something I don’t like to repeat.”

"There’s an opportunity here to take this place over. There are two
teams sharing the stadium. The one that has the most success ... when
people look at the stadium, they’ll look at it and say, ‘It’s the home
of the Jets.’ ”

“You only keep a man down for so long.  You know that little brother
you’ve been beating up for 26 years, taking his lunch money? Guess
what? That kid just got bigger.  Those days are over! It’s over Bro!
Let’s go!”

Isn't that just lovely?  Interestingly, Fireman Ed grew up a Miami
Dolphins fan. True story.

8) What is Wes Welker? How about multiple choice? Great suggestion, Michael.

a) A cyborg
b) A mini cyborg
c) A sexy little spark plug lookin hunk of man meat (he's on my fantasy team)
d) All of the above

9) What's shakin, Kevin Kolb?  Other than your brain, I meant.

10) The guy who decided that Eagles MLB Stewart Bradley was OK to go
back in the game...really?  Did you not see his drunken, stumbling
face-plant only minutes beforehand?  Did you not hear the Philly crowd
react to it like they would watching a helpless infant get pummeled
with batteries?

11) Now that Ocho Cinco outperformed T.O. (by a wide margin) will he
want to be Batman instead of Robin going forward? Or will he be
satisfied as Robin, despite performing like Batman?  Did Dick Grayson
have an inferiority complex, borne from his self-directed shame of
being a circus acrobat?  And why didn't Chad celebrate his TD? What
the f*ck is going on in Cincinnati?  Holy trapeze, Batman!

12) Does Randy Moss not realize that complaining about not complaining
still makes you a complainer?

13) The ref who was responsible for calling a personal foul (but
didn't) when Kevin Boss got decapitated, while defenseless, 10 minutes
after the ball hit the ground...really? That hit couldn't have been
any dirtier if the DB had used a battle axe.

14) Is Ray Lewis the best defensive player in the NFL since Lawrence
Taylor? I think so. No player has more consistently destroyed offenses
like Lewis has in the past decade or so. And at age 35, he's nastier
and more intense than ever. After he murder-death-killed Dustin Keller
last night, he almost did the same to coach John Harbaugh on the
sidelines.

15) On what plane of existence is that Calvin Johnson play not a
catch?  Ah, right, the one where Lord Goodell rules the realm with a
mighty (ignorant) fist.

16) How much coke did Giselle Bundchen have to snort to get that body
back after giving birth?  How much glue did Tom Brady sniff in the off
season before he decided to get Justin Bieber's haircut?

17) "What the F&$K is up with this F*&#@$N Kevin Kolb guy? Why the
F&$K did we give up McNabb? What the F$*K did we get in return? Why
the F*&K won't Andy Reid get lap band surgery also?" - City of
Philadelphia

18) You think the Jets are in trouble now? Wait until they open the
year 0-2 (zero chance they beat New England next week) after all that
off-season hoopla. Things are going to unravel fast, I think,
particularly now that Kris Jenkins is out for the season.  At least he
knows how to drive a golf cart...

19) Not only did the Detroit Lions lose in gut-wrenching fashion, but
their former #1 pick, Mike Williams, decided that he does want to try
hard on the football field, after all. Why have you foresaken the
Lions, God?

20) Who do you believe in the Mankins vs. Kraft feud?  Did the
Patriots promise Mankins a super-contract, as he alleges, or is
Mankins full of garbage, as Kraft put it, though not as tactfully?
Personally, I can't imagine a professional franchise promising
anything of that caliber to a player.  Further, Mankins (and his
agent) should know that any promise of that magnitude which is not
made in writing is completely worthless.  That's basic Contract Law,
ladies and gentlemen.  So, even if Kraft verbally promised to give
Mankins a Jahri Evans-type deal, there is nothing that binds him to
that promise (other than his word).

Bottom line, Mankins is in a precarious negotiating position here,
much like Darrelle Revis was a couple weeks ago (as an aside, Revis and his
agents lost a boatload of cash by not holding out until after the
first game of the season.  If he had held out until today, his
contract would be worth significantly more money).

If Mankins sits out the entire season, he'll likely miss TWO full
seasons with the impending lock out.  Missing time from football
always takes a toll on an athlete's body as there's just nothing like
the real thing.  Extended time off typically results in the field-rust
that you see during the pre-season and first few games of the regular
season.  Any future Mankins suitor would be wary of two full years off
and Mankins won't get the contract he feels he deserves.

Eventually, Mankins will realize that honor and pride are not tangible
commodities to be used for purchasing sports cars, and he'll
acquiesce.  I can't imagine he'll go through with the public apology,
though, so both sides will have to back down a bit for Mankins to get
back on the field.  Look for the negotiations to spice up if the Pats
struggle with pass protection against the Jets next week.  If Mankins
comes back (and I expect he will), look for the Patriots to be the
team to beat in the AFC.