NHL Offseason Awards: The Good, the Bad, and the Bizarre

Many hockey writers and analysts took the summer off, but that did not stop the news from coming.  

It's time to hand out some NHL hardware to those that kept life interesting during the dog days of summer.  

Here are my NHL Offseason Awards.

The Most Nauseating Story Award

Nominees

Ilya Kovalchuk: Does anyone want to read another article about this overpaid walking soap opera? Either sign a contract or go to the KHL. Please? 

Thomas Kaberle: I can't remember there ever being so much media attention for an overrated player. Oh, right, I forgot he plays for the Toronto, the center of the hockey universe. 

Winner: Ilya Kovalchuk

The Say What Award

Winner: Calgary Flames 

Olli Jokinen and Alex Tanguay? Really? How is Darryl Sutter still employed? Apparently, bringing back the fan-outcast Jokinen was fully supported by "higher-ups" within the organization.  

Realistically, there is the chance that he did not get to fully integrate himself into the system the first time around and that things could be much better in 2010, but I wouldn't hold my breath.   

The Flames might be the NHL's source of comic relief this year.

The Fountain of Youth Award

Nominees

Teemu Selanne: Teeme Selanne must have gone to the Brett Favre seminar of retirement. After a summer of blowing in the wind, the Finnish Flash lands in Anaheim for one more season.

Mike Modano: It's hard to argue with the decision to play for his hometown team, but was he really upset that Dallas was moving on? The tears on the bench was a nice moment, but we don't want to make it a yearly tradition.

Mark Recchi: The Recking Ball is trying to play more years than hairs he has on his head. Who knows where he is getting his energy from, but the Bruins don't care. They are happy to have him for another season.

Winner: Mark Recchi

The Black Eye Award

Nominees

Goalies: Antti Niemi, Jose Theodore, Evegni Nabokov. Bad timing for goalies looking for work or yesterday's market value.

Chicago Blackhawks: I'm sure any fan would trade an offseason dismantling of the team for a Stanley Cup. Imagine if they didn't win?  Bittersweet summer for Hawks fans.

Gary Bettman: It was probably the right move in the long run to put a stop to the contract mess, but once again they are late to their own party. They should've put a stop to it from the start.

NHL Middle Class: The rich are getting richer and the poor are still employed. After years of the salary cap, the players in the middle are getting left out in the cold. Is it too early to speculate about an upcoming CBA fight?

Winner (and loser): Goalies

The Golden Watch Award

Nominees

Chris Chelios: This ageless wonder probably retired a decade too late, but there's no denying the great career of this future Hall-of-Famer.

Scott Niedermayer: With another gold medal in his pocket, the waffling retiree-to-be finally makes it official. Has anyone achieved more as a defenseman in the history of the NHL?

Rob Blake: A very good career for the closest human manifestation of Jughead. Hall of Fame? Debatable.

Keith Tkachuk: He should win the offseason award for the most painful summer, too. I would not want to be in that dentist office that day, but he left all his teeth on the ice so he can perfect his charming hockey grin. All heart and soul.

Darryl Sydor: He had some great years in his prime.

Winner: Scott Niedermayer

The Offseason MVP Award

Nominees

The KHL: Nabokov, Afinogenov, Demitra...and Kovalchuk?  

Mike Comrie and Mike Fisher: Both have joined Hollywood VIP club. Nice work.

Young Players: The huge paydays continue for the NHL's future. I'm guessing Mikko Koivu and Nicklas Backstrom had pretty good vacations.

Tampa Bay Lightning: No team is selling more seats on the bandwagon than them after locking up Stevie Y as GM.

Vancouver Canucks: The team were picked by The Hockey News to win the Stanley Cup. After the offseason they had, it's hard to argue. Dan Hamhuis, Keith Ballard, Manny Malholtra? All the pieces are in place.

Winner: Tampa Bay Lightning

In Memoriam Tribute

Bob Probert: Was there a better fighter in league history? Check for yourself. And, unlike many one-trick pony fighters, it didn't hurt that he could put the puck in the net too.

He is also the inspiration for the popular drink of the late 1980s and early 90s called the "Bob Probert Punch." Because one shot will knock you out.   

John Barbero: The Pittsburgh PA announcer never got to call a Stanley Cup clinching win at home. All three were won on the road. He was made famous for his signature call of Mario Lemiuuuuuuuuuuuuuex.

Both will be missed.