Dodgers and Ned Coletti Living in La-La Land (In More Ways Than One)

Is Ned Coletti Seeing Stars? Is Ted Lilly One of Them?

The Dodgers are delusional. It’s not just believing the Kardashians are interesting or that Keanu Reeves can act. It goes much deeper and, at least for their fans, is a far more frightening prospect. Perhaps it’s the prolonged exposure to exhaust fumes on the 405 or just a natural by-product of living and working in such close proximity to the Hollywood Dream Machine and Disneyland. Whatever the cause, someone needs to break the news to Ned Coletti that Ted Lilly is not The Ace he needs to get his team back into the NLCS. In fact, Ted Lilly might not even be enough for him to hold onto third place in the division.

The onset of Ned’s dementia began over this past off-season. Traumatized by Frank and Jaime’s abandonment and divorce, the Dodgers’ brave little GM retreated into a fantasy world of his own invention where three and a half starters in a five-man rotation will get you to the World Series. In all fairness, who would have believed going into the 21^st Century’s second decade, an age of science and reason, that a Magic Pinkie could turn a Triple-Crown-Threat and All-Star right fielder into Mario Mendoza? Still, Little Ned’s insistence that he could wait until the end of July and sign a big-name starter before the deadline, with a whole $2-3 million to “play with”, makes Timothy Leary seem like a clear-thinker.

Dodger fans need to resign themselves to the fact that this, The Divorce Year, is a wasted one. While the core group of young players have, for the most part, performed admirably, they were not exactly surrounded by preeminent veteran talent, unless of course Jamey Carroll is your idea of a dreamboat. But, in the final hours before the trade deadline and with their season slipping through their fingers, the Dodgers’ are pinning their hopes on a shell-shocked magician with both hands tied behind his back to pull one last rabbit out of his hat. Problem is, the bunny farm is all out of rubber-armed and playoff-ready hardballers. If Ned, the Dodger organization and what’s left of the fan base insist Paul Maholm is the arm that carries them to a date with the Yankees in October, well, maybe Keanu will win that Oscar after all.