FIFA To Americanize Soccer? Don't Hold Your Breath

Since the 2010 World Cup began I’ve seen and heard it all from Joe Q. American Sports Fan regarding the, in their words, boring sport of soccer. 

Insults have ranged from, “I’ve been more entertained watching paint dry” to “a sport with no scoring is not a sport.” Your average anti-soccer American also despises any competition where there is no clear-cut winner. Ties are the anti-Christ. 

Don’t even get them started on the vuvuzelas. How dare a continent on the other side of the world have a fan tradition akin to the American Football fan’s cowbell or the various Indian-mascot teams’ beating drum? 

How about ESPN’s coverage of the event? “It’s too much! They’re forcing it down our throats,” they say.

I have even heard paid sports journalists inferring that College Baseball’s World Series is better than the World Cup! 

Personally, I’d much rather hear the droning vuvuzela than the annoying “PING” off of an aluminum baseball bat any day. And I’ve been a baseball fan for 25 years!

Joe Q. American Sports Fan has pretty much complained about everything in this 2010′s version of the World Cup.

American Soccer Fan has done his fairshare of complaining as well. His complaints have centered on flopping players-turned Oscar nominees and terrible referees.

American Soccer Fan enjoys the sport. They watch everything from NPSL to MLS to EPL.

Most American soccer fans would love to see the sport grow to become the “big fourth” in the American Sports spectrum.

Obviously football, baseball, and basketball are the big three. The fourth generally rotates between NHL Hockey, NASCAR, and Golf.

Soccer is stuck right around seventh or lower in order of importance to Joe Q. American Sports Fan. American Soccer Fan is outnumbered in the general American sports population.

So when FIFA hears the outcry for rules changes, mostly from America, it has no problem turning a deaf ear.

Peter King, NFL writer extraordinaire can say the sport needs Instant Replay all he wants. Grant Wahl can criticize FIFA until the cows come home. Chris Fowler can talk about injustice ’til he’s blue in the face.

It makes no difference to FIFA.

FIFA is the largest governing body of any sport in the World. It doesn’t need America to be successful.

Think about it for a minute. Have you heard any of the foreign announcers during this World Cup call for instant replay? Have you heard them suggest a yellow card for the phantom gunshot to the head that the many floppers appear to take?

No. You haven’t heard that, because they haven’t said that.

They shake their heads in frustration and comment on how terrible the call or lack thereof was. But in the words of an old American Sports Broadcaster, “Them’s the breaks.”

These guys know that nothing will ever be done to rectify the “bad breaks.” This is their sport. They see things like this all the time.

FIFA hears these calls every four years when the sport has the audacity to creep into American homes and force itself on Joe Q. American Sports Fan. The rest of the time FIFA is content to deal the with death threats for its referees and general outrage among its many International fans.

How dare Americans think it is wrong for 25 players to train and qualify for three years to prepare for the World’s greatest sporting competition, outside the Olympics, only to be sent packing because of a terrible call that a blind man wouldn’t have missed!

To institute replay would Americanize the sport. To stop floppers from high jacking two minutes of precious clock-time would be too American-like. Change of any kind would be giving in to the only country in the World that doesn’t refer to soccer as football.

FIFA will not allow such a thing. FIFA doesn’t need the USA.

FIFA could not care less about what Joe Q. American Sports Fan or American Soccer Fan thinks. You honestly expect FIFA to respond to the hue and cry of the World’s greatest nation when it has the rest of the World’s Soccer populace eating out of its hand?

No way!

FIFA is perfectly fine with the death threats, hooliganism, and overall consternation caused by its idiotic referees and outdated rules.

Fairness? What’s that?

For Joe Q. American Sports Fan looking for an American example—FIFA is the BCS on steroids. The BCS wants to be FIFA when it grows up.

The BCS will never give in to its playoff populace, just as FIFA will never give in to any change resembling anything American.

So, American Soccer Fan, just grin and bear it. Love the beautiful game for what it is now. Enjoy hearing the incredible play-by-play announcers describe the game in ways that American broadcasters could only dream of. Take pleasure in the splendor of the World’s most popular game.

Just don’t expect its governing body, FIFA, to Americanize the sport.