Stop the "He Needs Better People Around Him" Excuses for Vince Young

I have been a fan and defender of Vince Young in most respects and hope that his on-the-field play and off-the-field behavior allows me to remain so. However, there is one thing that is commonly said about Vince Young's problems, including by Young himself, that simply is not true and should no longer be said about Young or anybody else: that a major problem for Vince Young is the people with whom he associates himself.

I first saw this angle associated with Young's problems in a hint given by one of Young's most vehement critics. Since this person is generally unfair in his criticisms of Young and did not elaborate, I basically ignored it. But now after this strip club incident, Vince Young's choice of social circle has become a common topic of discussion, including Martellus Bennett's infamous Twitter post. (Note: When Martellus Bennett, of all people, calls you childish and unprofessional, you have REAL PROBLEMS.)

This is a common sentiment of troubled people both in and out of the public eye, about how "they need better people around them," and the underlying thought always presumes that this is fundamentally a good person who is being led astray by the bad examples and influences of others.

I say "rubbish."

Now of course, there are a lot of things you can't control in life. You can't control who your parents are, the neighborhood in which you grow up, or where you go to school, and in all those cases, the variables that Vince Young could not control were very negative for him.

However, one of the things that a person can definitely control is his friends. That's why this "he has bad influences around him" idea is nonsense. It takes the stance that this person is somehow better than the people with whom he chooses to hang around.

I can see why we want to resort to this dodge or evasion. If it is someone to whom we are personally close, such as a relative, then naturally we want to see that person in the best possible light. If it is someone that is famous, well in our culture, we regrettably assume that wealthy, powerful, successful people are superior to average people and others who are not.

And if it is someone for whom we are rooting, an entertainer whose music or movies entertain us or a star performer for one of our athletics teams, we think along those same lines.

The truth is that one of the better indicators and predictors of a person's character and values is the people with whom he chooses to associate himself. Cliches like "birds of a feather flock together" exist for a reason. Now, it's true that odd ducks and black sheep do exist, so we want to tell ourselves "sure, he/she is WITH them but doesn't REALLY fit in because he/she is BETTER than that."

But there is also a reason for their existence as the odd duck. First of all, the odd duck hangs around only because he wants to, and second, is allowed to hang around because of some service or value that the odd duck provides to the group of malingerers, ne'er-do-wells, vagrants, or what have you.

So being DIFFERENT from them, meaning not being the ringleader or a participant in every bad thing that the group does, is not the same as being BETTER than them, because if you were discernibly BETTER than them and the bad things that they do, then you wouldn't be WITH them. If you were better, then the bad things that they do would repel you, or at least you would realize that they might get you into trouble.

So when it comes to Vince Young and other people for whom we would want to use this excuse, we have to remember the truth, which is that there is absolutely nothing preventing them from keeping the company of, say, Sunday school teachers or physics professors.

This is not to say that Sunday school teachers and physics professors are incapable of causing and leading others into trouble, but rather that we generally associate with people that we either like or want to be like. So, if the people that we like or want to be like are negative people who do bad things, then it only means that it is something about either those people or the things that they do that we find acceptable, desirable, or entertaining.

Whether you are the ring leader, the follower, or the fellow on the margins who just likes to watch what the others do and listen to what they say, it still applies.

It really is similar to the getaway driver after a crime. You didn't rob the store and you certainly didn't shoot the clerk. Or at least that's what you will tell the judge. But if you didn't approve of the robbery in the first place, and if you weren't associating with someone that you knew had violent tendencies that would lead to his shooting someone, you wouldn't have been in the getaway car and you certainly wouldn't have been driving it.

Now, some people have this "I can't leave behind the people with whom I grew up."

Even that is a dodge. Even if you grow up in high crime or impoverished surroundings, there are still decent, law-abiding people who you can choose as your friends.

So, if you are someone from a tough background who became a financial success, you are continuing to hang around the bad people from the neighborhood for the same reason that you hung out with them when you lived in that neighborhood: because you want to, and because you now either approve of or don't object to their misdeeds just as you did then.

And if you felt true loyalty and friendship to the people from your past, you would try to pull them up instead of allowing them to drag you down.

But you aren't trying to pull them up because down is where you have always wanted to be, and the reason for that is because no matter your success, talent, or surroundings, that is who you truly are because it is who you choose to be. 

So enough of this "Vince Young needs better people around him."

Instead, it should be said that Vince Young needs to CHANGE, to become a better person HIMSELF. That is when Young "will have better people around him."

Now to some this is a chicken-egg question: Do you become a better person by hanging out with better people, or do you hang out with better people because you are a better person?

Well there is validity to those who side with the first, as it speaks to why people try to be good parents and to raise their children in good environments. And again, based on Vince Young's own statements on his personal background, he didn't have those types of advantages of a strong support system with good role models, working for him in his life when he was growing up.

But despite that, we still have a choice.

A person has to WANT to change, to WANT to be a good or better person. When a person makes the decision that he wants to change, then such a person will quickly come to the conclusion—or be advised—that he first needs to escape the bad company and then obtain better associations.

If Young or anyone else fails to do this, then the reason is because that person doesn't want to be better, or to do better for himself.

Now, both Nashville and Houston have their share of physics professors and Sunday school teachers. Remember that next time Young claims that he got into trouble because his friend convinced him to go somewhere that he wasn't supposed to be, or anyone else peddles that old "it's not him, it's the people that he hangs around" or "her boyfriend is a bad influence on her" routine. It isn't true, and it never has been.