Rondell's Rants: NBA Finals Game One Recap

An ongoing series with basketball fan/actor/comedian Rondell Sheridan.

BR: Rondell, you were at game one and have a lot to share, but I understand there is something you need to get off your chest first, right?

RS: First of all I think I need to clear the air. Though I am a Clipper fan - “No he didnʼt”- I am not a Laker hater... well actually I am the four times a year we play them. Other than that I admire them, kinda like how Theodore - The Beaver - looked up to Wally. Kobe is the best talent in the NBA. Before I hear those from Cleveland starting to get their high horses out of the barn, listen up. Kobe simply has the best footwork in the NBA. Anybody in the NBA can put the ball in the hoop, but to do so with minimal effort is something to be admired. Too bad the youngsters in the league donʼt give it much merit. 

Kobe, like Mike, is constantly bringing something new to game each fall. Now, those you who are saddling up your steeds in protest, think about your guy. What new move has he brought to his game in the last few years? A new way to put talcum powder on before the game? That ainʼt enough bro.

BR: Cleveland fans can send their emails to Mr. Sheridan. From your seat at Staples when did it look like the Lakers took control of the game?

RS: The tone was set less than thirty seconds into the game. In case you missed it, Artest, apparently from the WWF, took down Paul Pierce with a move that couldnʼt of been more effective if heʼd used a chair to the back of his head. It was all down hill after that. Defensively the Celtics got beat like they owed the Lakers money.

As I said before, I thought the game would come down to three things. Rondo, Bynum and Pierce. Rondo for the record I thought was the best all around Celtic on the court that night. The problem was Kobe and gang shut him down in the lane. He couldnʼt kick to Garnett or Perkins.

BR: Talk about your other key players, Pierce and Bynum. They seemed to deliver, or not deliver, just like you thought they would, or wouldn't.

RS: Bynum was back to his old self. Ah the wonders of a knee drain! Man, the line for the Kobe knee drain clinic must be right around the corner. Hell I might even book a suite there this weekend. Iʼll admit it, Bynum came to play, eighteen points and 6 rebs just made Perkins look pathetic. Forget the Perks eight points, I wasnʼt expecting much from him scoring wise, but 3 rebound? Seriously? My beloved mama who has passed away and is in a jar on the mantle, could have lucked up and got 3 rebounds her damn self!

Pierce looked slow and lost, kinda like Forman vs Ali. “ARTEST Boombiya, ARTEST Boombiya. Hats off to Artest, that crazy, Fiddy Cent loving fool came to play. He shot fifty percent from the floor, including sixty percent in 3ʼs. Let me repeat this

SIXTY percent in threeʼs. DAMN! Plus he was on Pierce like whip cream on a fat mans banana split. Well done Queenʼs bridge!

BR: Ray Allen was hampered by fouls, where you surprised at his performance, or lack thereof?

RS: Obi Wan, Phil Jackson, took down the Death Star. Forget the fact that Allen was in constant foul trouble. Some of them bogus, or suspicious at best. The real highlight of the evening was the defensive scheme on Ray Allen. Did anyone notice the rotation of Gasol on Ray Allen. Brilliant! Allen couldn't get a shot off over Gasol or even pass the ball down low. It must have frustrated him all game.

The biggest hole in Bostonʼs tea party boat was Ray Allen.

BR: Credit to the Laker coaches then?

RS: The bottom line is that Boston got out-coached in game one. The Lakers came to play Thursday night. The Celtics got out hustled and out rebounded. If Garnett and the gang donʼt figure out how to switch things up, Sunday could look like it could be a repeat. The Big Ticket needs to come out firing. Ray Allen needs to stay out of foul trouble and figure out a way to stay away from Gasol, and Perkins needs to man up and grab some boards. 

I still like Boston, but only the way you give a cheating spouse a second

chance. With one eye on the door.

BR: (Laughing) Not a ringing endorsement for the Green Team. Any final thoughts?

RS: I gotta go my ride is waiting. For some reason there is a a purple and gold bandwagon parked in my driveway. “Hold your horses, I gotta get my pants on!”