Stan Van Gundy: "The Doomsday 'GNOME"

Knowing that I am somewhat sarcastic and caustic, I try to walk away from potential ‘explosive’ situations.  I generally walk away, while ‘muttering under my breath”, and go to find a ……, or a Poker game.  But sometimes, it becomes the responsibility of the ‘elder’ to educate and enlighten, the next generation.  While listening to my favorite Wednesday night Sports radio show, “Unsportsmanlike Conduct” w/ @edthesportsfan & @soulonice6, my senses were assaulted, when @soulonice6, called Stan Van Gundy, “The Master of Motivation”.  I mean hearing this while my Celtics, were being assaulted, insulted, and abused, on the court, and on the scoreboard, was like throwing ‘gasoline-on-the-fire”, and I will admit my opinion of the ‘Gnome’, has been the same, since he left Miami.

Every job that Stan had within the last decade, came with a “Star” Big man. In Miami, it was Shaquille O’Neal, who averaged 22.9 points, 10.4 Rebs, and 2.7 Asst, per game.  Stan rewarded the organization, for the acquisition, of Shaq, by losing to the Detroit Pistons, in the Finals, and Shaq referring to him as’ “the Master of Panic”.  After resigning, in Miami he moved on to Orlando in 2007, where he has Dwight “Superman” Howard. That year 2007 - 2008, he lost to the Pistons again, in the Conference Finals.  With his number slightly  declining in 2008 – 2009, Howard and  Stan, made the postseason, losing in the NBA Finals, to the KOBE/Lakers, in 5 games – a quick exit.  This year, with his numbers, at their lowest since the ;Gnome’s arrival, Howard and the Magic, find themselves trying to dig themselves, out of a deep 0 – 3 hole.  Stan is known for his whining,  ‘who took my lunch money face”, and sideline antics.  He’s known as an ‘underachiever’ among his peers; until he wins a title.  Despite having teams with talent, Stan has never had 60 wins, in a season, something even Mike Brown, managed to accomplish twice, back to back even.

Putting the ‘Gnome’ with the word “motivation”, has to be either a typo, or just being ‘caught up’ in the moment; the Magic have won 2-in-a-row.  The Orlando Magic, have their backs against the wall, that’s their motivation. The ‘Gnome’s motivation, is that he will be behind Mike Brown, in the unemployment line, if the Magic fail, AGAIN.  There’s a better chance of  LeBron staying in “Clownland”, than the ‘Gnome’ surviving Orlando, if they lose , this year.  Having your back against the wall, “win or go home”, is the only motivation here, for both Stan, and the Magic. After Custer led his troops, up on the Little Big Horn, he probably gave a helluva “motivational speech”; too.  Webster defines the word: motivation; n, meaning to give motive to and the word: master; a person in control – do we really need tape; ‘we have all seen the whining and whimpering ‘Gnome’- What control?!  Wake up, while Stan is a good coach, he barely has control, of his Depends, let alone his team.  I stand by his record:

Head coaching record

Team				Year				Regular Season											Post Season
								Won			Lost		Win %			Finish			Won				Lost		Win %			Result
MIA			2003–04			42			40			.512			2nd in Atlantic			6			7			.462			Lost to Indiana Pacers in Conference Semifinals
MIA	2004–05				59		23			.720				1st in Southeast			11			4		.733				Lost to Detroit Pistons in Conference Finals
MIA	2005–06				11		10			.524				(Resigned)			-			-		-				-
MIA Total					112		73			.605							17			11		.607
ORL		2007–08			52		30			.650				1st in Southeast			5			5		.500				Lost to Detroit Pistons in Conference Semifinals
ORL		2008–09			59		23			.720				1st in Southeast			13			11		.542				Lost to Los Angeles Lakers in NBA Finals
ORL		2009–10			59		23			.720				1st in Southeast			10			3		.769				Currently down 2-3 in Conference Finals vs. Boston Celtics
ORL Total					170		76			.691				-			28			19		.596				1x Eastern Conference Champion
Total					282		149			.654							45			30		.600