Rusty Gate Sues Randy Winn for Defamation of Character

TWIN FALLS, IDAHO — 84-year-old Rusty Gate, has announced that it plans to sue Yankees utility outfielder, Randy Winn, for defamation of character, sources tell the Associated Press.

According to a statement released by its attorney, Rusty Gate is seeking damages related to widespread use of the phrase, "swings like a Rusty Gate," with regard to Mr. Winn's recent performance with the Yankees.

Rusty Gate would not make a comment on the record but did remark that he could at least be in position to catch routine fly balls.

"My client has a long and proud history of swinging smoothly, and completely level," said Gate's attorney Sam Goldman. "After years of repeated use, and exposure to the elements, Rusty Gate wants only to retire to a life of leisure, and not be continually associated with such shoddy performance.

"He did his job much better than only 18.2 percent of the time," Goldman added.

Although, it remains to be seen how the matter will be tried in a court of law, legal experts are in agreement that the way the two parties swing is nearly identical.

"It's amazing," said one lawyer. "Each time I see Winn at the plate, it's like I'm watching a Rusty Gate in the batter's box."

"I never saw such a reaction so early into the season when I was in San Francisco," said Winn, while admitting that the nicer weather there would result both in far less rust and interest in baseball.

"Soy el mejor jugador en el equipo ahora," commented teammate Francisco Cervelli. "Soy un novato y todavía hago swing mejor."

"Still," he added with a smile, "you've got to feel for the guy."

Other teammates of Winn's were also sought for comment, but most were on the disabled list at the time.