Kentucky Derby Week: 30 Years of Amusing Names

It’s Kentucky Derby week people, so brace yourself.  As I’ve alluded to in the past, this is the one week per year in which the JSF Board of Directors authorizes me to write about horse racing should I choose to do so.

But why waste everyone’s time pretending that I know what’s going to happen in a race that is entirely too chaotic to predict? I’m not exactly qualified as a handicapper, so instead let’s look at the one aspect of horse racing that everyone can appreciate – the names. 

It’s been 32 years since a Kentucky Derby field produced a Triple Crown winner, but annually it succeeds in producing notable names that can range from tributes to movie icons of their era to the titles of porn films.  Today we bring you some of the names we have seen in the last 30 Kentucky Derbys that are notable for one reason or another (or that I just found amusing):

Hazard Duke (1980) - Really it’s no surprise that Hazard Duke finished dead last in the 1980 Derby. With a name that was an obvious hat tip to one of the worst successful network television shows in history, it was poetic justice.  Seriously, go back and watch an episode of the Dukes of Hazzard and try to comprehend an America where we were collectively dumb enough for that to be one of the most watched shows on television. 
 
Eye of the Tiger (2003) – Named for quite possibly the greatest sports movie montage song ever produced, it’s stunning that Eye of the Tiger went off at 41-1 in the 2003 Derby.  Apparently there were many men in the infield that day who resisted the temptation to empty their pockets as a tribute to Survivor’s inspirational classic that first made its appearance in Rocky III.  Not sure I could have done the same.  (As an added bonus: the 1983 Kentucky Derby featured a horse named Balboa Native; Rocky was hot in 1983)###MORE###

Lionheart (2004) – Lionheart ran a competitive second to Smarty Jones in 2004.  That’s probably because he was trained in the French foreign legion and came to America to avenge his brother’s death by competing in an underground, bare knuckles fighting circuit led by a female version of Don King.  Or something like that.

Chilito (1998) – I speak absolutely no Spanish.  That means that I do not have a clue what the word Chilito means in any countries that do, but when I was growing up in St. Louis I knew the word meant “Chili Cheese Burrito” at Taco Bell.  And if I have the opportunity to bet all of my money on a horse named after one of the best of Taco Bell’s seemingly endless menu of made-up Mexican dishes then, believe me, I’m going to.  Thankfully there wasn’t internet gambling in 1998.

Wind Splitter (1989) – The process of selecting a name for a horse can be tedious.  Considering there are millions of names that have been used over the years, the Jockey Club requires an owner to submit up to six names for review in order of preference and they will inform the owner which ones are approved, if any.  Given their extensive list of limitations and rules, it’s not unusual for several lists to be submitted before a name is ultimately approved.  With all that in mind, there is no way you’re convincing me that the name “Wind Splitter” wasn’t chosen as a joke about a powerful fart.  Just had to be. 

Steppenwolfer (2006) – So you like to listen to “Magic Carpet Ride” while getting stoned and watching your horses run around?  Might as well name one of them Steppenwolf after the band that sings the song.  Wait, what’s that?  Can’t name it after a band without the band’s written approval?  Just throw an “er” at the end of it and problem solved.

Lusty Latin (2002) – Part of the aforementioned criteria for naming a horse is that the name cannot be vulgar in any way.  Considering the horse Lusty Latin was named right about the same time that the Playboy movie Lusty Latin Ladies was released (according to IMDB, of course), I’m pretty sure this one slipped by the naming authorities. 

Domestic Dispute (2004) – 2004 was apparently the year of the questionable criminal-based names as horses named Ten Most Wanted and Domestic Dispute qualified for the most prestigious race in the sport.  To be fair, Ten Most Wanted was actually a pretty cool name while Domestic Dispute on the other hand, didn’t really have any appeal to the average, uninformed bettor, which is probably why he went off at 44-1. If it wasn’t for the 18 character limit on names, this one might have been called “Drunken meathead beats up his wife” instead.  Probably wouldn’t have pulled much popular support then either.

Shammy Davis (1997) – If only Shammy Davis would have won the 97 Derby instead of Charismatic, headline writers around the country would have been licking their chops to take advantage of a name that was already snappy enough to stand on its own.  Alas, Shammy finished 12th and there was no justification for his name being anywhere near the headlines.  Just like that, thousands of Rat Pack jokes died. 

Skywalker (1985) – This is what happens when a Star Wars nerd gets rich and owns a thoroughbred in the 80’s. 

The final field of 20 for the 2010 Derby has not formally been set yet, so there could be some shuffling of the names that you’ll be able to put some money on.  But let’s just say that if I find out that “HomeboyKris” was named in honor of this, then I know where at least a few dollars of my money will be going.

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