National Signing Day: Punter Matt Darr Decommits from USC, Off to Fresno State

The No. 1 punter recruit in the nation has decommited from USC and has given Pat Hill's Bulldogs of Fresno State his verbal commit after a visit to Fresno over the weekend.

Good God. A punter?

Matt Darr's decommit yesterday dropped the Trojans from No. 14 to No. 21 on Scout.com's team rankings. Hell hath no fury like an ignored kicker during Signing Week.

A four-star punter caused all of this damage? Apparently, yes. The icing on the cake is that Darr committed to Lane Kiffin's alma mater, Fresno State. Is this a message?

Possible sanctions from the NCAA might have been an issue, but let's face it, even if USC got the hammer and was disallowed postseason play, NFL scouts don't care about that. They care about stats.

Punters are all about kick averages—not their glowing personalities on TV, not their celebration dances after pinning an opponent inside the ten yard line. Certainly not their media savvy (do punters ever get interviewed?) or licensing potential.

In all honesty, if USC were to get a beatdown from the NCAA, their five-star players would probably bail and Darr's chances of more punts would increase five fold. Looking at USC's roster and schedule—it doesn't look like a very Pasadena-bound this year—Darr could have been a star.

The reasons for his decommit are not exactly known, but it's rumored that he felt ignored by Lane Kiffin. (Is there any possibility of Lane Kiffin sending Mrs. Lane Kiffin up north to try and change his mind? A micro mini-skirt and a plate of cookies should do the trick.)

A punter being ignored? Of course he will get ignored. It comes with the territory.

Matt, you are a kicker. Even worse, a punter. At least kickers score points.

Ever take a look at a team's bench on the sidelines? Linemen hang out with linemen. Quarterbacks hang out with receivers, running backs hang out with other backs.

Kickers? They are in their own world.

They stare at nets all day and except for four or five plays, never see the field. They kick a ball. Other coaches freeze them because they are all head cases. Kickers are the only players subjected to mental torture, and more often than not, become goats in three seconds. They can be had, big time.

While punters don't get frozen, they do and/or have other funky things which make them just as much of a freak on the field as placekickers.

They throw a blade of grass in the air, ignoring the flags on the goal post that give away the wind direction. It's their moment on TV, and they want to add to the drama. 

They don single bar face masks to signify how much physical action they actually participate in. They have flat butts from sitting on the bench while talking to...absolutely no one. They wear a special shoe on their kicking leg. Or, they go footless to make them seem badass. And they ignore crashing linemen going after them while taking their sweet time with a four-step punt.

Punters make fans scream, "Hurry up, you mofo. KICK IT!!!!"

While linebackers do shots, kickers drink fine wines, Sebastian Janikowski being the lone exception, of course. And a lot of kickers talk with foreign accents.

There's also never any urban slang in their tongue—they talk proper like your third grade English teacher. Conversing with a kicker is like hanging out with your nerdy oboe-playing brother at a high school dance and staring at the girls. Total geekdom.

They aren't typical football players and hence, why nobody on the team ever hangs out with kickers. Ever. It's just bad for your street cred.

But let's address Darr's decision for a minute. (We've already devoted more time to a punter than we should, and frankly, we're a bit peeved about it).

Isn't playing for USC better than playing for Fresno State? Isn't playing for Georgia better than playing for Georgia State? Isn't this a damn no-brainer?

Why would Darr snub an offer from a private school in Los Angeles where hot chicks, great beaches, and moderate climate await and instead, pick Fresno State? Nothing against Fresno State, but, oh heck, it's Fresno State.

The summers in Fresno are sweltering, and in the winter, many stores there actually have winter hours due to all that tule fog off Highway 99 . Their stadium can't hold a candle to the Coliseum and instead of USC's minimum four nationally broadcasts in 2010, FSU might get one or two games nationally televised—against Wisconsin or Illinois with Pam Ward and Ray Bentley doing commentary. Woot!

Darr was also a two-time all league linebacker, so maybe he feels he should have been appreciated more. His official reason, according to Scout.com, was “...the departure of Pete Carroll and Brian Schneider really affected my decision."

OK, Matt. We all know how much Pete has mentored kickers *smirk*. Schneider was the special teams coordinator under Carroll, and to be honest, there was no improvement during his short tenure at USC. N-O-N-E.

As a matter of fact, kick coverage has always been the most exciting part of Trojans football—USC depends on its kickers and punters to make tackles, for crying out loud. Schneider's departure to Seattle shouldn't have been a deal breaker, and neither should Carroll's.

Could it be that Darr foresees more reps at Fresno State than USC? Maybe.

Except for last year, punters don't see a lot of action at USC. One Trojans punter, Tom Malone, was the best punter in the nation, but couldn't qualify for the NCAA statistical lead in punting average (2003) because he didn't have enough punts.

Personally, we wonder why Darr didn't commit to Washington State. Shouldn't a punter commit to a bad team to beef up his stats? Last year, some really poor-performing teams had the top punters in the nation, including San Diego State, Tulsa, Western Kentucky, Wyoming, and New Mexico.

Hello, Matt? San Diego State would have been a great choice! Punt, punt, punt all day and surf on Sundays.

And before SEC fans start laughing too hard at Darr's bitch slap to USC, consider this: Darr chose USC over Alabama and LSU, and still picked Fresno State over y'all despite those offers.

The fact that a punter decommitted from USC to go to Fresno State is pretty laughable. Funnier than former Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis offering long-snapper Jordan Cowart a scholarship last year—at least he actually plays for the Irish and didn't reject them. Rejoice, Irish fans, USC now has you beat in in recruiting stories filed under "ludicrous."

Darr, a Bakersfield native, wants out of the limelight of La-La Land and sneak back into the hearts of almond growers and produce brokers. Eschew a four-year diploma from an elite private university, and embrace a state school's sheepskin.

No to Tommy Trojan and Traveler. Yes to "Timeout", the Bulldogs' mascot.

Goodbye Rose Bowl in Pasadena. Hello Humanitarian Bowl in Boise, Idaho.

Adios, Layla Kiffin. Hola! to Cathy Hill.

Au Revoir, Song Girls. Bonjour, farm girls.

The humanity of it all.

Matt's 15 minutes of fame are now up.