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Tiger Poses for Vanity Fair, Forgets to Wear Clothes

Glenn PettyAnalyst IJanuary 7, 2010

Tiger Woods will be featured in the new Vanity Fair which hits newsstands this week. He is the subject of a photo essay shot by famous photographer Annie Leibovitz.

Sources tell TodaysACCHeadlines.com when asked why he would pose for the magazine in various stages of undress, the Athlete of the Decade deadpanned, "To get chicks."

That said, it seemed an appropriate time to point out that the Tiger Media Model is now turned fully upside down.

Remember the days when the only thing worthy of reporting was how Tiger played in the [fill-in-the-blank] PGA or USGA tournament. Here's an example of how it used to go:

SOMEWHERE WARM & SUNNY. (AP) - The greatest golfer in the history of the known universe (and perhaps even out in some gassy rock-laden unknown one way past Hubble telescope range), Tiger Woods shot an even-par 72 yesterday in the Trojans Condom Open Invitational Match Play Rydher (sic) Cup.

Woods, who had a strawberry smoothie and a cup of half-caf coffee for breakfast (and, now we know, a cocktail waitress for dinner and a midnight snack) arrived at the course where he met with caddie Steve "I Don't Know S*** About S*** But Get That Effing Camera Out of My Man's Effing Face Or I’ll Bust Up Your’s" Williams for two hours of practice on the driving range, followed by his usual 45 minutes of perfection seeking, discipline building, image polishing putting on the practice green.

Tiger then proceeded to the first tee, where after his introduction and an appropriate welcome by the adoring throng of Tiger fans and Tiger wannabes. The Stanford dropout then reached into his left pocket and removed a white golf tee with his left hand which was adorned by a TAG Heuer quality timepiece. (What are you made of? Evidently, lots of testosterone!!)

Wearing his trademark first round "not-red" Monday through Saturday shirt, Woods then striped a three-wood down the center of the 452-yard par three opening hole. A dodgy lie and a photographer snapping a picture 5,845 yards away in a public park behind a Pizza Hut caused Jack Nicklaus' nemesis to leave his approach shot (163 yards, 60-degree wedge) just a wee bit short. Somewhere, a butterfly landed on a lily pad while a moose in Alaska simultaneously sneezed, causing the winner of 14 majors to miss the birdie put.

Tiger flinched.

Williams said something audibly profane to everyone within earshot (while thinking that although he had no idea about his boss’s extramarital escapades, he sure did wish he was in on it).

On the second hole—blah, blah, blah.

Then, somewhere after the jump, maybe Page c28 somewhere near the bottom, the story would conclude as follows.

A.R. Stansbury IV and X.J. Chang both shot new course record 62s to share the lead, six strokes ahead of the nearest competitors. We won't bother to name them here but they aren't named Tiger Woods. Woods is tied for 19th.

Speaking of Woods, he produced the most wonderful eagle ever witnessed by this long-time golf correspondent on the par 5 14th hole. He hit a 524-yard approach shot to the ridiculously narrow and hopelessly slick needle-shaped green with a broken croquet mallet he borrowed from an intoxicated Englishman visiting from Sandown…

How things have changed.

Now everybody is dumping on him, even Vanity Fair.

To read more about Tiger from VF, click here.

*Items in italics may not be true.

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