(Im)Possible Ways Things Can Get Worse for Boston

Loscy LoscyContributor IJanuary 2, 2010

OAKLAND, CA - DECEMBER 28:  Kevin Garnett #5 of the Boston Celtics looks on against the Golden State Warriors during an NBA game at Oracle Arena on December 28, 2009 in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images)
Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

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I’ve been out of town for most of the last two weeks traveling to Maine and Virginia for the holidays. During that time, I’ve watched the Celtics rally up against the Magicians on Christmas Day, only then to catch glimpses and read about their recent shortcomings against the Clips, Warriors, and the Suns.

If the Celtics lose again tonight against the Raps, the game may be known as “Patrick O’Bryant’s Revenge-ish Nightmare Massacre.”

Here are some (im)possible ways things can really just get crappier for the Celtics.

  • Gilbert Arenas shows up unexpectedly in the Celtics’ locker room and shoots KG’s good knee.
  • Kobe Bryant settles out of court with Lucky after a cruise around the Boston Harbor.
  • Glen Davis breaks his other thumb when forced to fight Hedo Turkoglu because Davis thought Hedo was the damn near ugliest animal/monster/villain he’s ever seen.
  • Rondo can’t make the game when his Red Bull car runs out of methamphetamine caffeine.
  • Scal is mistakenly kidnapped by the Notre Dame football fanbase hoping that No. 44 can be the new luck of the Irish.
  • Tony Allen spontaneously combusts into the real Tony Allen that dribbles off his knee, ruptures tendons on silly dunks after whistles, fouls someone attempting a halfcourt prayer, and takes fade-away threes.
  • The Suez Canel that is burrowing in Paul Pierce’s knee after the irrigation procedure has a a beaver issue.
  • The tennis balls in Ray Allen’s calves finally deflate.
  • Sheed drops the “People’s Elbow” on one ref, then grapples another into the “Stone Cold Stunner,” finally finishing off the third ref with the “Tombstone.” And, for good measure, Sheed “DDTs” all of the scorekeepers.
  • Perk one-ups LeBron eating a fan’s fries the other week during a game, shoving a whole raw potato in his mouth and then eating Jose Calderon’s face thereafter.

OK. These are getting stupid. Actually, they were pretty stupid to begin with.

I’m just looking for some of the younger guys, mainly Lester Hudson, Bill Walker, and J.R. Giddens to get some good minutes. Despite reports of Rondo maybe playing tonight, I am hoping Doc opts to rest him and let Ray Allen and Sheed just light the night up and fill up their box scores like they used to do in their heyday.

Whatever happens happens. There are plenty of games left to play, and too much season left to freak out over some poorly timed injuries. It happens to every team.

I’d like to see hustle, focus, and a team effort. If those three bits show up on the table tonight despite posting a loss, that will be fine. The character of this teams needs to be reshaped a bit instead of sacrificing the future health and stability of the core players. Take one from Greg Popovich’s book, Doc.

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Doc: Ask yourself WWPD (what would POP do?). He'd sit Rondo until he was 100 percent.

This is WHERE AMAZING (might, could, should, and would be really cool if it) HAPPENS.

Godspeed, Celtics.

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