Jonathan Martin Discusses Suicidal Thoughts, Struggles to Fit In

Retired NFL offensive lineman Jonathan Martin was the target of a bullying scandal during his time with the Miami Dolphins, but that wasn't the first time he'd felt like an outcast in the environment that surrounded him.

Martin wrote at length Wednesday about how his background, his unique build that earned him the opportunity to play football professionally and other factors have made him feel alienated (Warning: Tweet contains NSFW language):

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If you don't know... Now you know pic.twitter.com/hE3vimkXdu

— Jonathan A. Martin (@J_Martin71) August 26, 2015"

Most notable in Martin's post is how he tried to take his life on more than one occasion after he'd begun his Dolphins career as a two-time All-American out of Stanford. Substance-abuse issues also appeared to plague him to start his NFL career, as he outlines in a second-person voice:

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Your job leads you to attempt to kill yourself on multiple occasions. Your self-perceived social inadequacy dominates your every waking moment & thought. You're petrified of going to work. You sleep 12, 14, 16, hours a day when you can, or not at all. You drink too much, smoke weed constantly, have trouble focusing on doing your job, playing the sport that you grew up obsessed with.

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From his move to Los Angeles at 10 years old and growing up thereafter attending top private schools, Martin didn't feel accepted by white or black people. His motivation to excel on the gridiron was to appear "cool" in the eyes of those who always picked on him.

Although Martin did succeed and was eventually driven to play football at the highest level, it evidently came at a deep personal cost. Toward the end of his post, Martin explains how football had become an addiction and that he didn't deem it worthwhile to continue his career when he injured his back in a workout in July as he was preparing to play for the Carolina Panthers.

The external pressure and scrutiny from others once Martin did realize his goal of playing in the NFL also weighed heavily on him—and his experiences shaped his perspective, leading him to Wednesday's display of courageous candor:

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"Friends" who you played high school football with saying anything to get their name in an article. Former coaches blowing up your phone trying to be your financial advisor. Your god father suddenly appearing your senior year of college out of thin air bearing gifts, trying to get tickets to your games & slyly asking your parents to manage your money.

You realize who truly has your back. Who the people are you need to embrace. And cherish every moment you have with them. You let your demons go, knowing that, perhaps, sharing your story can help some other chubby, goofy, socially-isolated, sensitive kid getting bullied in America who feels like no one in the world cares about them.

And let them know that they aren't alone.

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Martin indicates how his upbringing and experiences of being made fun of in middle school and high school contributed to his being more sensitive to his locker room situation in Miami. He says he's been told he's "not black enough" his entire life and has been referred to as "the weird kid who acts white."

Eventually the Dolphins traded Martin to the San Francisco 49ers prior to the 2014 campaign. Even a reunion with his former college coach in Jim Harbaugh with the 49ers this past year didn't ultimately pan out, as Harbaugh left the team and Martin was waived in the offseason.

Pro athletes are often criticized for not being transparent enough and leaving their private lives more of a mystery. Even when some do speak out on salient issues, media backlash awaits.

Martin figures to garner acclaim for his profound, personal testimony about an internal individual battle that's nevertheless possible for many people to relate to.