Knucklehead Probably Gone For Good

In October of last year, I cursed you all with a pieced I called “Pass catcher = Knucklehead?” about the tendency of so many modern day NFL wide receivers to be such knucklehead divas.

The list is lengthy: when Brandon Marshall isn’t being accused of assault, he’s upset with the Denver Broncos over either his contract or the team telling his teammates to not act gleefully that he was acquitted; as mentioned in yesterday’s Michael Vick post, Donte’ Stallworths new pursuits include French cooking and running over pededstrians while drunk;  Anquan Boldin is still unhappy for some Godforsaken reason; you know that Terrell Owens’ next implosion is coming; same for Chad Ocho Cinco; and Jeremy Shockey got carried out of a Las Vegas hotel bombed out of his gorge (actually love that — haven’t we all?).

In my Oct. 2008 post, I mentioned that the common link for most of these players was not only their pass catching positions but their relationship to agent and uber-egotist Drew Rosenhaus, who of course, is also the agent for my man Plaxico Burress.

As we all know by now, yesterday Burress was sentenced to two years in the funhouse for shooting himself in the leg. And at 32, with the reality that this will essentially keep him from playing the next two seasons — Plaxico’s NFL career is ostensibly over.

For those who protest and point to Michael Vick, I’d suggest the cases are far different. Vick is a stick of dog-murdering dynamite who I’d imagine is just as fast as he was before his time in prison.

Remember Steve Young? Although there’s really no comparison, he’s one of the few NFL QB’s I could attempt to compare Vick (maybe Randall Cunningham, but he was 6′4 and lanky). Young and Vick are both scrambling 6′1 lefties who made plays with their legs and arms. But remember Young was relatively spry and bolting through secondaries into his late 30s, and Vick, I imagine, will be as well.

Or take a guy like the similarly built Darrell Green of the Redskins who ran a faster 40 time when he was 38 than he did at age 22.

But a guy like Plaxico is different. He’s never been a speedster, he’s long and simply a crafty guy. I actually don’t think he gets enough credit for his football intellect in terms of understanding how to best use his body to catch passes. Crafty guys, however, often run out of craftiness after a certain point when their athletic shortcomings become, well, just too short.

Thus, by the time he is out of prison, Plaxico will be 34 — an age when even the speediest, and craftiest, of NFL wide receivers on average are beginning to decline to a great extent. Not to mention ones who have been out of action, sitting in prison for two years.

So farewell and good luck to Plaxico at Rikers Island and beyond. When you weren’t acting like a knucklehead and were just playing the game of football, you were a pleasure to watch and a key contributor to two Super Bowl teams (Steelers and Giants).

Oh, and don’t bend over to pick up the soap.

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