"Roger, You Broke My Heart"

Science Fiction and Humour is a very, very bad combination

(DIS)CLAIMER : All characters in this story are imaginary. But, any co-incidences with anyone alive, dead, or going to be born, could not be said to be completely un-intentional, with the corollary that the last of these could prove that the author might be non-causal. As to all the original concepts presented here, they are just outright crazy.

My name is Maxwell. People say that I am a mad-scientist. I devise experiments that are not-completely understood by even the best of Physicists, which would obviously mean that I am better than these guys.

So now you have a hang of things as to why I am called mad: just to discredit me and deny me the Nobel Prize. But that is not the point here.

The point here is that I would like to share with you guys, the results of an experiment that I conducted, which, to most of you would appear unreal. Call me God for all it's worth, because it happened.

Point One

Light is composed of what are called photons: particle-like things. In the light that you get from the Sun or an electrical-torch, the photons are like a wild mob. They are not very orderly.

When the light strikes a surface, it is like a lot of people bumping on to the surface but each bumping at his own random will, at any given instant you do not have a lot of people bumping at the wall.

In a Laser, all these photons are like very disciplined people. They act together. Lots of them bump the wall at around the same time. Since all of them bump together, they can even move the wall, even pierce the wall.

It is as if they know each other. There is some sort of meaning in the whole thing.

Point Two

When a positron and an electron (they are called anti-matter and matter) collide, they get replaced by photons - most of the times two gamma ray photons (a gamma ray photon is just high frequency "light" which our eyes cannot see). The process in reverse is also possible - photons can get replaced by a matter and anti-matter pair.

Point Three

In a Laser of gamma ray photons, we see that all these photons are ordered together - they hold a meaning. So what will happen if we produce matter from them? What will we get that is meaningful? Chicken nuggets?

Point Four

Under a very high gravitational field, Space-Time can bend and information maybe exchanged between two points in the Space-Time fabric instantaneously - the concept of worm-holes.

I did the experiment under a very high gravitational field. I projected the gamma-ray laser onto a white-board.

The meaning in the photons was what was transferred from another point in space-time due to the Gravity. The photons were converted to matter, but in a meaningful way.

(I am keeping it a secret how I separated the anti-matter and matter here. You guys are not just smart enough to understand that.)

What I got when the matter I got was cooled down was a manuscript which contained the following story told in first person:-

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"Roger, You Broke My Heart"

-by antiMatter [HUMOR]

Rahath was my best friend. Yes past-tense! We were really close till he started pinching my Girl-Friends from me one by one (not literally). It became a habit with him.

I would start dating someone; it would start becoming real fun. Then he would "accidentally" drop-in at one of our hang-out places and voila! I am single again.

Matters came to a head when one day after his last GF-piracy act, I was forced to choose between re-defining the word "accidental," and stop considering him my friend ever again.

So I talked to my third friend, Ron, about this. Ron was pretty aghast. She could never harbor any idea about breaking up with friends.

She would not be friends with anyone who was considering breaking-up with any friend. "I thought we were friends" was all that she could say.

Having been "fired" by one, and having "fired" another, I am ready to be judged. So here is the story : -

One particular fine morning after I had completely resigned myself to the fact that I had to choose between my best-friend, who always bested me in front of girls, and girls themselves, I got a call from him.

"Hey manny! I want to make up for all that I did to you. I am sorry bud. Not my fault really. Perhaps girls simply love me. But I promise this time. I will stay out of it.

There is this girl I met at the party today. She is really hawt! I think you will love her. I know it is a blind date, but you must trust me this time, buddy!"

Well, the idiot that I was, I took the offer, and went out to Joey's pub at 9:00 p.m. The girl showed up and Oh my dear...well, I had promised my imaginary friend I had when I was 6, that I would never swear.

So, she was the definition of...er...there is no delicate way to put this...you know...hotness (Oh no! this is not going into "Guilty Pleasures"!).

I will leave out all the paraphernalia. We started conversing with each other and the conversation veered off to...you are right, Tennis!

She loved Federer. I liked him. I never really loved anybody that way. For that matter I liked Nadal more than Federer.

Remember this: there is nothing that pisses off a fanatic lady fan of Federer than learning that her BF is a Rafa fan. They use Logic, Gossips and sometimes Conspiracy Theories to first discredit your loyalty and then end any semblance of a relationship that is in existence between you two.

She started psycho-analysing me : -

"What do you like, good things or bad?"

"I sort of ... um ... "

"Cut out the crap. Give me a one-word answer."

"Good things."

"So if you like good things, relatively speaking, you like better things than good things. Am I right?"

My teeth started chattering at this point. "Right..I said."

"Who do you think is a better player? Roger or Rafa?"

"By some criteria Rafa, and by some other Roger."

"Ok assume that you consider all sorts of such criteria possible. Now take the total number of times Roger would be better across all of them, and the number of times Rafa is across all of them. Whose number is bigger?"

Her look sort of hypnotized me into saying, "Roger."

What? The whole of Joey's Pub was shaking and it is even said that at that time, the studio where they shoot F.R.I.E.N.D.S. had some power glitches.

"That's it, you are a hypocrite!" I could vaguely discern that she was trying to prove something. But it was quite clear, perhaps due to the instincts I had developed over the ages, that this relation was over before it had started.

Just as I was easing into my normal miserable state which I assume when I lose GFs, as if to top the icing with a red-cherry, I heard a banter from the table nearby.

"Federer is the best...hic...he is the Greatest of All times. I will give you this link - read my...hic...latest article on...hic...Roger..."

This from a man who never liked Federer more than Johny Mac! (Yeah it is like Johny Mac = Rahath).

The rest of the story, well, he walked out with my fantasy!

I don't think accidental needs a redefinition.

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I learnt that day that people could be even madder than how much people think I am.